I Hate To Be The One To Bear The Bad News

I was dreaming, I think. It must have been a dream considering Ronnie and I were together. He was brushing the hair out of my face, laughing at something. We were on a boardwalk, everything was blurred except the water that crashed against the wooden dock. His black hair was blowing around in the wind, he looked so beautiful, almost unreal. He leaned into kiss me until I heard a loud ringing sound.

*Ring!Ring!Ring!*

This is the third time someone has called me.

I stretched my arm out, feeling around for my cell phone. It was laying mixed up in my light grey sheets. My eyes peeled open just enough to see the time on my bright screen, 7 am. Who on earth is calling me.

Groaning, I answered.

"Helllllo" I let out a huge yawn

"Delia what the fuck! I've called you like five times, Ronnie's getting out of fucking jail GET UP NOW" Maggie screamed into the phone.

"W-WHAT? HOW DO YOU KNOW?" My body jolted up, shaking the bed Max and I were sharing at the time.

"Ungg shuh" Max made sleepy noises and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"They proved he's innocent, like last night sometime! some kid came in and confessed, telling them everything about the fight, with proof. They're releasing him in about an hour. and I know all this because Robert got a text from a guard at the prison, and Robert told Bryan, who told Craig, who is in my bedroom right now"

Oh my god. Oh my fucking god.

"What are you WAITING FOR? GET YOUR ASS OUT OF YOUR BED. I'M GETTING IN THE CAR NOW AND COMING OVER. YOU BETTER BE READY" She hung up quickly after that. she only lived ten minutes away.

I gulped. Oh my goodness. Ronnie's getting out, like right now. Oh my god. Those three words were on repeat in my head, like a broken record. I felt like I was about to die, so many things were just popping into my brain. How was I going to tell Ronnie about Max and I? How am I even going to be able to look him in the eyes and tell him I love him without him just being devastated. I always swore I'd never be the cheater, never be the disgusting homewrecker so many people become, but look at me. I'm pathetic. I'm nothing. I don't deserve him, I don't deserve hiss forgiveness I want so desperately.

I shook Max, trying to get him up. How was I going to explain this?

"noo ubng" He pushed me away and rolled onto his side, pulling all the blankets onto him. Come on Maxwell this is not the time to steal all the blankets, wake up please!

"Max, get up. Ronnie is getting out of jail"

He slowly rolled over, looking straight at me, eyes wide.

"What..................................................." His black messy hair the was slowly fading into his natural brown was covering half of his face. He leaned himself up on his elbows, mouth wide and eyes still.. wide with just as much surprise as mine, maybe more.

"We have to go. I have to go, pick him up. Maggie's on her way here. I don't know what to do, I can barely speak correctly.. where are you like... gonna go" I ran my hair though my head, sighing heavily. Where is he gonna go?

"Fuck my life." He flung himself up, grabbing his jeans and sliding them on. He put his shirt on shortly after that.

So many questions were running through my unsteady mind.

I slid on some sweat pants and threw on my jean jacket. I already had a white tank top on. Max and I must have fallen asleep watching old episodes of My So-Called Life. It was my favorite show when I was younger. He obviously wasn't supposed to be sleeping, in my bed. I know that seems weird considering we'd already had sex, but we were keeping things friendly. Nothing more. I sound so fucking stupid right now.

"What do I do. I don't even know what to say to this" He put both his hands on the back of his neck, groaning in frustration. I was about to run over and hug him until I heard a car door outside my house slam shut. Maggie's here.

--

*Bangbangbang* "WHY THE HELL IS YOUR DOOR LOCKED DELIA" Ugh. I ran through the hall, into the kitchen and through the living room, opening the front door for Maggie. She had little PJ shorts on, a black t-shirt, and Craig's hoodie he always wore. Her hair was in a messy bun just like mine, we looked like we were getting ready for some sort of Pajama party, without the makeup and facials.

"Max is here, by the way." Her eyes went from crazy to annoyed. I was hoping she'd just understand we're just friends, and let it go. But I knew her to well.

"Really. Did you sleep with him again?" Her arms crossed against her chest, she started tapping her foot impenitently.

"NO. I didn't. sorry to disappoint you." The word disappoint spit from my mouth, I wanted to make her feel a little bad. I wasn't that big of a whore, if I even was..I still felt awful about that night with Max, I don't even know what happened. Its all a blur now. My life is a blur. I wish everything was back to when I was 18, when I first met Ronnie. When I was madly in love with the boy who wanted so badly to be known in the world. I miss not having a care in the world.

"Oh you're such an angel Delia. Can't wait until Ronnie hears about your little mistake. Get him out of here, now."

Those words coming from her mouth felt like a snake striking a hole in my heart. I can't believe she just said that. My whole world was crumbling in front of my eyes.. and she just made everything tens times worse. I thought she was my friend?

"You're really starting with this? Don't you think I feel bad enough about this? When I tell him he'll probably never speak to me again, Maggie. I'm not in the mood to fight about a mistake I made a month ago." I tried to sound mean, but my words ended up coming out sad and filled with pity for myself.

"Three weeks ago, actually." Ouch.

I shook my head at her. I honestly couldn't believe she was pulling this out on me, after hours of crying my heart out to her about how sick I felt about this, hours of screaming and wanting to kill myself from all the hurt I'm causing everyone around me she just uses it against me?

"It was a mistake?" I heard Max's sad voice echo from the hallway and into the living room we were all now standing it. It felt like a battle ground. Like both of them were so distant from me. I don't know how to talk to either of them anymore.

I turned around, looking into his eyes trying to figure out a nice way to put how I felt.

"We've talked about this, Max. Its not the easiest thing to explain, how I feel about what we did. It wasn't a mistake for you and I, but... for Ronnie it was. For my relationship it was. This is coming out all wrong.. I know that doesn't make much sense. I love you, I do, but..." I looked down. I couldn't look at him. This is so much to handle. My life has become a corny soap opera.

"But you love him more. I know, I understand. so, what, are we going to go on like we never had something? I was just some guy you loved for a couple of months, and that's.. it..?"

"Max no that's not it! please, don't do this to me right now. please, Max" I didn't know what to do anymore. I was about to have a break down, and I still needed to be there for when Ronnie got out. I've always been the care taker, the one to help everyone else when they needed it, but whenever I was having trouble, no one wanted to help me. I was always the bad guy. What have I done, I've fucked my entire life up and now I'm going to have no one. I disgust myself.

"I'm just gonna go." Max walked passed Maggie and I, opened the door and that was it. He was gone. Before I could say anything to him, before I had anytime to explain. Why is this happening to me? Its like five different things are happening to me at the same exact time. Max left, Ronnie's getting out of jail, all my mistakes I've made are crashing down on me within twenty minutes.

What did I do to deserve this? I wish I was still dreaming.