Status: Finished :)
Taking Down the Sunrise
Twelve
“I don’t want to talk to you,” Lily said blandly as Severus neared her in the library. She was flipping through the pages of an impossibly thick book and occasionally tapping her wand to pages she would need later. A piece of parchment with the title ‘Grindelwald: A History’.
“I just want to apologize,” Severus said, ignoring her glare and slipping into the seat across from her. “Will you at least listen to me?”
Lily studied him for a moment, her eyes expressionless and then nodded her head slowly. Severus took a deep breath and began, “I’m sorry I left you in front of the picture last night.”
“Well you should be,” She snapped.
He blinked, but refused to let her harsh words throw him. “I didn’t want to go too far with you. I was afraid if I came in that things might happen and we wouldn’t really be ready for them and that it would make things awkward. I always knew there was a chance that us being in a relationship could ruin our friendship, but if we did something rash... it could ruin both sides of our relationship.”
Something akin to a laugh burbled out of Lily’s lips and she slammed the book shut. A plume of dust blew up into the air. Severus coughed as Lily looked at him, her expression an odd mixture of anger and amusement. “Sev, you’re wrong.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said you’re wrong. Or is that idea so incredibly foreign to you that the words do not penetrate your thick skull?” Lily barked at him.
Severus swallowed a lump in his throat, suddenly realizing that Mulciber didn’t know Lily well enough to come up with an accurate portrayal of her reaction. He went over his words in his head and then the scene his friend had made for him. He had acted the exact way he had been told to. She, on the other hand, had decided to forgo the script and take the scene a different direction.
“It penetrates,” Severus replied meekly, “I’m merely wondering... what I said that was wrong.”
“You said you didn’t want to come in because you were worried about our friendship.” Lily explained slowly, as if Severus was one of the first years she tutored. “That’s wrong. You didn’t want to come in because you’re afraid of me.”
“That doesn’t make any sense, Lil.”
“The sad thing is it does. That first kiss we had in the Room of Requirement? That was the only time we ever kissed that you weren’t worried about me breaking. You’ve spent the past four years protecting me from everything and anything that comes my way and now, for some reason, you’re trying to protect me from you.” She paused to blink the tears out of her eyes and then whispered, “As much as I would love for you to be both people -my best friend and my boyfriend- you’re not capable of it. You have to choose whether you want to protect me or if you want to be with me.”
“There’s plenty of boyfriend’s who do both.”
“You’re not one of them.”
Severus froze for a moment. Even though he could see her hand shaking as it gripped the covered of the book and hear the leaves rustling out the open window, he felt as if time had stopped. Her words were slowly burning into his brain, leaving an impression that he would not be able to erase. He gasped in air and quickly reached for Lily’s hand.
She smiled at him until he whispered, “I am one of them. Lil, all my life, all I’ve wanted to do is be with you and protect you. And if I can’t do both, I don’t know who I am or what to do when I’m around you. You’ve got to accept that sometimes... sometimes it’s going to be hard for me, but I can do it.”
“Kiss me,”
“What?”
Lily stood from her chair and pulled Severus up off of his. She cupped his chin in her hands and tilted his head so that his eyes met hers. His breathing was heavy, but for the moment she ignored it. “Kiss me,” She whispered, “And don’t think.”
He hesitated, but only for a half a second. Then he pressed his lips to hers. His fingers worked their way through her fiery red hair and down her back until he found the place where his hand fit perfectly.
She held onto his neck, pulling him in, always wanting more than he was willing to give her. Shoving him up against the bookcase, she took control. As she pushed him further, she could feel his muscles tightening under her hands and she could feel him backing away ever so slightly.
“Lil,” He mumbled, “Stop for a second.”
“Why?”
“We need to go slower than this.”
She stared at him for a moment and then took a step back, “I thought girls were supposed to be the ones that wanted to go slower.”
"Lily, you don’t understand. I’ve never let anything hurt you and I would never want to cause you pain. But I’m getting awfully close to a point where if we do something, you’re going to feel hurt and I’m not going to be able to save you.” Severus whispered, “Lil, you have to know that it is taking more strength than I have to love you."
A small smile broke out across Lily’s face in spite of her resolve to be angry at him. She stepped forward and hugged him. “We’ll slow down then,” She murmured into his ear, “I understand.”
“I just want to apologize,” Severus said, ignoring her glare and slipping into the seat across from her. “Will you at least listen to me?”
Lily studied him for a moment, her eyes expressionless and then nodded her head slowly. Severus took a deep breath and began, “I’m sorry I left you in front of the picture last night.”
“Well you should be,” She snapped.
He blinked, but refused to let her harsh words throw him. “I didn’t want to go too far with you. I was afraid if I came in that things might happen and we wouldn’t really be ready for them and that it would make things awkward. I always knew there was a chance that us being in a relationship could ruin our friendship, but if we did something rash... it could ruin both sides of our relationship.”
Something akin to a laugh burbled out of Lily’s lips and she slammed the book shut. A plume of dust blew up into the air. Severus coughed as Lily looked at him, her expression an odd mixture of anger and amusement. “Sev, you’re wrong.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said you’re wrong. Or is that idea so incredibly foreign to you that the words do not penetrate your thick skull?” Lily barked at him.
Severus swallowed a lump in his throat, suddenly realizing that Mulciber didn’t know Lily well enough to come up with an accurate portrayal of her reaction. He went over his words in his head and then the scene his friend had made for him. He had acted the exact way he had been told to. She, on the other hand, had decided to forgo the script and take the scene a different direction.
“It penetrates,” Severus replied meekly, “I’m merely wondering... what I said that was wrong.”
“You said you didn’t want to come in because you were worried about our friendship.” Lily explained slowly, as if Severus was one of the first years she tutored. “That’s wrong. You didn’t want to come in because you’re afraid of me.”
“That doesn’t make any sense, Lil.”
“The sad thing is it does. That first kiss we had in the Room of Requirement? That was the only time we ever kissed that you weren’t worried about me breaking. You’ve spent the past four years protecting me from everything and anything that comes my way and now, for some reason, you’re trying to protect me from you.” She paused to blink the tears out of her eyes and then whispered, “As much as I would love for you to be both people -my best friend and my boyfriend- you’re not capable of it. You have to choose whether you want to protect me or if you want to be with me.”
“There’s plenty of boyfriend’s who do both.”
“You’re not one of them.”
Severus froze for a moment. Even though he could see her hand shaking as it gripped the covered of the book and hear the leaves rustling out the open window, he felt as if time had stopped. Her words were slowly burning into his brain, leaving an impression that he would not be able to erase. He gasped in air and quickly reached for Lily’s hand.
She smiled at him until he whispered, “I am one of them. Lil, all my life, all I’ve wanted to do is be with you and protect you. And if I can’t do both, I don’t know who I am or what to do when I’m around you. You’ve got to accept that sometimes... sometimes it’s going to be hard for me, but I can do it.”
“Kiss me,”
“What?”
Lily stood from her chair and pulled Severus up off of his. She cupped his chin in her hands and tilted his head so that his eyes met hers. His breathing was heavy, but for the moment she ignored it. “Kiss me,” She whispered, “And don’t think.”
He hesitated, but only for a half a second. Then he pressed his lips to hers. His fingers worked their way through her fiery red hair and down her back until he found the place where his hand fit perfectly.
She held onto his neck, pulling him in, always wanting more than he was willing to give her. Shoving him up against the bookcase, she took control. As she pushed him further, she could feel his muscles tightening under her hands and she could feel him backing away ever so slightly.
“Lil,” He mumbled, “Stop for a second.”
“Why?”
“We need to go slower than this.”
She stared at him for a moment and then took a step back, “I thought girls were supposed to be the ones that wanted to go slower.”
"Lily, you don’t understand. I’ve never let anything hurt you and I would never want to cause you pain. But I’m getting awfully close to a point where if we do something, you’re going to feel hurt and I’m not going to be able to save you.” Severus whispered, “Lil, you have to know that it is taking more strength than I have to love you."
A small smile broke out across Lily’s face in spite of her resolve to be angry at him. She stepped forward and hugged him. “We’ll slow down then,” She murmured into his ear, “I understand.”