Frozen

I was heartbroken. My one true love whom I could never forget had left me. Gone off to California. He was basically dead; I would have no contact, never see him. The only thing that was missing was a funeral. Me, I was mourning for the loss I’d gone through.

God I miss Mason. I mean, I guess he was sick of New York City. Sick of me…but I’ll never forget him. I’ll miss feeling his stubble against my face, the cute beanie he never takes off, the way he fiddles with his fingers when he’s nervous, the way he bites his lip when he wants something. The way he holds me while I’m crying, the way he picks apart his food before eating it, the way he breathes when he’s sleeping. The way he runs his hands through my hair, the way he gives the lightest kisses. I’ll miss a thousand other things about him too. But most of all I’ll miss the way I woke up to him whispering, “I love you,” every morning.

And every morning I would whisper those same words back.

That was no more. Our love was no more. Now I sit staring out the window wondering what I could’ve done to keep him here. Wondering if there was anything I could do. I would sell myself so long as he would still be by my side. I can’t believe a love so strong is no longer returned.

It’s already been three days and I’m a crying sort-tempered mess. I’ve taken the past few days off from work, this one included.

Staring at the window I begin having memories of all the times we’ve sat here with his arm wrapped around my waist staring at the outside world.

In the summer we watched the children toss their balls back and forth, and play hopscotch and jump rope. We would talk about how someday we’d have our own kids. Adopted of course. In the fall we would watch the few leaves there were change and fall to the ground. The wind would pick them up and swirl them around creating a beautiful chilly scene. In the winter we were the first to see every snowfall. There was something about the way those pure flakes fell to the ground for the first time that season that was extraordinary. We would drink our hot chocolate and snuggle into each other under a warm blanket sneaking kisses back and forth. Then when spring came around we would watch the flowers begin to grow and the children rushing home from school in the excitement of school almost being over.

How I miss spending the seasons with him. I miss walking to Central Park together.

As I thought about it I got up and grabbed my jacket needing some fresh air. I wanted to go to our bench and just sit.

The cold air bit my face as I stepped out into the frosty air. I pulled jacket tighter around me and hurried to the park. As I saw the bench I almost froze with sadness. Sitting at our bench was a young couple. I looked at the boy and girl smiling at each other and my heart only panged more. Our bench, our love. It was no longer ours but theirs. And then he pushed her hair out of her eyes and whispered something sweet before leaning in and kissing her softly on the lips. The way Mason would’ve kissed me.

I fought back the tears as I found a bench close by to watch them. I know I was being creepy, but they reminded me of us, even if one was a girl. I watched as their hands gravitated towards each other and they let out beautiful horrid laughs. Those laughs felt like knives to my heart.

Get a hold of yourself Eliot.

But my heart broke more and more every time one of them opened their lips. Soon they became too cold, judging by the girl wrapping her arms around herself, and they left. I looked at our empty abandoned bench. Slowly getting up, I walked over and dropped myself into the seat, alone. I buried my face in my hands as my eyes prickled.

Where was Mason? Why had he left me, when we had a love so pure? This was going to be the first winter since I met him that I would watch the first snowfall alone. I didn’t know if I was ready for that. My hands finally started feeling the cold and I looked at them realizing they were bright red. It made me sad just to look at my hands because they were red and frozen just like my heart.

A single tear found its way down my cheek. The liquid froze after falling halfway down my face which only made me want to cry more. I couldn’t breathe in this freezing air; my lungs couldn’t take it. Not without Mason here to warm me.

“Eliot!”

Now I’m hearing his voice…I’m really going crazy. Is it supposed to hurt this much?

“Eliot!”

I glanced around, standing because I needed to know if that voice wasn’t just my head.

Before I saw anyone though I was swept into a passionate kiss. My eyes closed as tears prickled at them and I kissed back. I moved my hand to his head and felt a soft hat covering the beautiful hair I missed so much. It had to be Mason.

And as he pulled away and looked into my eyes I felt something cold gently land on my icy face. We both looked into the sky at the snow falling from the cloudy sky.

“I’d never miss the first snowfall with you Eliot. They don’t even have snow in California. Even worse, they don’t have you.”

“Come home with me and let’s have some hot chocolate?” It wasn’t meant to come out as a question but I couldn’t help it. I needed reassurance.

“Of course. And Eliot?”

I looked over at his beautiful face I missed so much.

“Those three days were the worst of my life. Never again, baby, never again.”