Taken Away

Alex felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. Zack didn’t want him anymore; everything he’d told him last night had been lies. Alex felt more tears well up but he hastily swiped at his eyes. He wasn’t going to cry over Zack. Not anymore.

He got up slowly and went into Jack’s bathroom finding a tissue to blow his nose and then splashing water on his face before going and curling up in Jack’s bed. He slept better than he had in months last night but he found that he was still tired. He grabbed hold of Jack’s pillow and cuddled it to his chest. It smelled like Jack and that was comforting because Jack was his best friend and Alex had no idea what he’d do without him. He almost wanted to cry out for him because he knew Jack would come running but he also knew that Jack knew where he was and would come when he was done with Zack. Alex cringed at the name in his head and felt his heart ache simultaneously. He couldn’t hide the fact that he was still hurt but he also felt a bit hypocritical. He’d been the one to alienate Zack in the first place. He’d run away and left Zack free to do whatever he’d wanted. He had known Zack wouldn’t wait for him but deep down he’d hoped for it. He buried his face in Jack’s pillow and screamed. He felt the pillow becoming wet because he couldn’t hold it in anymore, they were frustrated tears. He was so irritated with himself. He wished he was a stronger person, a better person. If he was a better person then none of this would have happened. He’d still be with Jenna and he’d still be happy and she’d still be here. He thought about Zack though, would Zack be happy? Alex knew fully well that the answer was yes; that he shouldn’t have ever acted on Zack’s feelings because Zack would have gotten over them eventually, Zack would have been happier in the end. Alex had been selfish thinking that he could have them both. That he could keep them both happy.

Alex groaned and leaned down to pull Jack’s comforter around his shoulders. It was cold in Jack’s room or at least that’s what it felt like.

After about 20 more minutes of just lying in Jack’s bed, Alex was debating getting up and going to get him because he really didn’t want to be alone anymore but before he could get up Jack’s door creaked open and Jack slipped in, coming up and crawling in beside Alex.

“You okay?”

Alex just shook his head, as much as he wished he could lie, he knew Jack would see right through him.

“What can I do?”

Alex shrugged his shoulders at that. He didn’t know what Jack could do. Jack couldn’t fix his heart, even though he knew Jack would try. Jack would kiss him if he asked. He would hold him, he would do whatever he could but really the only thing that could fix him was Zack and Zack was the one who broke him. But Alex had broken him first and fair was fair. Jack would slap him if he heard Alex say that out loud, say that Alex didn’t deserve it but didn’t he? Why were his feelings more important than Zack’s?

He needed Zack. What if he couldn’t be happy without him? He had known from the beginning that as much as he’d missed Jenna, it was nothing compared to how much he had missed Zack. It was torture for him to be away from Zack. It had been driving him mad and he had come home early for Zack, to be in the places he’d been with Zack and as much as he’d wanted Zack with him he had still been a dick to him because he hadn’t been able to see that Zack was who he needed and not Jenna. He still felt terrible about her and he missed her. And it was times like these when he really needed her because she was good at this kind of stuff. Jack couldn’t give him advice but Jenna would have known what to do. But Alex had broken her too. He’d used her and thrown her life away and he was the only one to blame for that.

“Alex?”

Jack was rubbing his thumb under Alex’s eyes and Alex hadn’t even realized that he’d started to cry again. He almost started laughing at how much of a baby he’d become. He had never cried before all of this happened and he guessed it was normal to cry when someone you cared for and loved died but he had barely gone 24 hours without breaking down.

He needed to figure out a way to move on. He knew Jenna was never coming back and Zack had found someone else. So he needed to do that too.

He just didn’t want to.