Taken Away

Alex started at the ceiling of his bedroom. A huge part of him wished he was back in England, away from this room, this place where he had inadvertently caused so much damage. He was just closing his eyes when his door banged open and hit the wall and he shot up in bed. Jack was stood grinning at him from the doorway.

“Hey, Lexy!” Jack kicked off his shoes and crawled onto Alex’s bed.

“How you feeling? Do you need cuddles? Cause I can call up Rian and Zack and we can have a massive, make Alex feel better cuddle party.”

Alex shook his head but wrapped his arms around Jack, laying his head on Jack’s chest.

“I don’t want anybody here but you.”

Jack frowned slightly at that but wrapped his own arms around Alex, rubbing his back. Jack frowned again because he could feel Alex’s spine and that wasn’t normal. Alex had always been thin, like Jack, but not so thin that Jack felt like he could break him.

“Alex…”

Alex shook his head against Jack’s chest. He didn’t want to do this right now. He just wanted to be held. He wanted to not feel like the worst person on the planet, he just wanted to know that somebody didn’t blame him even though he knew deep down that no one did, just himself.

“Alex…” Jack started again. “You’re so thin…did you eat at all this summer?”

Alex turned on his side and faced the wall. He seriously wasn’t going to have this conversation.

“Alex, come on, please talk to me. You barely spoke to me at all this summer. I know you must be hurting over, Jenna…”

Alex took in a sharp breath as he heard her name. Jenna; his beautiful and loving girlfriend, except she wasn’t his girlfriend anymore. She wasn’t even on this planet anymore and that was all his fault…and Zack’s.
Jack rubbed Alex’s back gently, hoping to soothe Alex but it was only making him feel worse.

“Stop…” Alex whispered tears now running hot and fast down his hollow cheeks. “I don’t deserve this…I mean I deserve to feel pain, it’s my entire fault, Jack.” As Alex continued speaking his whisper became a scream. “I killed her, Jack; If not for me she wouldn’t be dead!”

Jack pulled Alex back around to face him, feeling a bit stunned at the elder’s sudden outburst.

“Don’t say that, Lex. It was an accident…she…she lost control of the car…it was raining, you didn’t do anything.” Alex sobbed harder at this, hands fisting in his sheets.

“No Jack! She did it on purpose! She told me!”

Jack moved out of Alex’s embrace, holding him at arms length.

“What are you talking about?” Jack swallowed back his fear at Alex’s words.

“Ja...Jack…I…I…Zack…I…” Alex choked on his words, his sobs and hiccups making it impossible to speak.

“Alex, you need to calm down, just breathe okay?” Jack was staring stupidly at the hysterical boy in front of him, he was so confused. Jenna had killed herself and Zack had something to do with it?

Alex took deep breaths and was soon less hysterical. The tears had dried but the hiccups were worse.

“Ok, Lex, can you tell me what you were saying now?” Jack asked in a quiet voice, trying not to further upset Alex.

“Me...Me and Zack…We were …sneaking around, I guess…” Jack’s mouth dropped open. Alex and Zack? What the fuck?

“How long?”

“umm…6 months.” Jack was dumbfounded. Alex had been seeing Zack for 6 months? But he’d been with Jenna and they had seemed so in love…

“You were cheating on her?”

Alex nodded as his tears started up again. It was his entire fault. Jenna was dead because he wasn’t man enough to stay faithful; he’d thrown away her life for a stupid fling with Zack. A deeper part of him screamed that it wasn’t a fling, Zack had been so much more, he’d never felt the way he did with Zack with anyone else, not even Jenna.

“Alex…It’s gonna be ok.” Jack scooted closer to Alex wrapping him back up in a hug.

“Jack, how can it ever be ok? She’s dead and nothing will ever bring her back.”