All Yours Somehow

Sure enough, later that night at 8 o’clock on the dot, my doorbell rang and there was Holly dressed and ready for the night.

“So where are we going?” I asked, once we’d been driving for 20 minutes.

“Well, it’s kinda not really a party,” she confessed. “It’s actually a bonfire out in the desert. A guy from one of my classes told me about it. I think it will be good for you, Han. You need to start getting out there again, it’s been two months now. We’re young, this is how we live.”

Truth was, I actually thought I was ready to start dating again, but after being in a relationship for two and a half years, I had no idea how to talk to guys anymore or how to flirt with them. My confidence had sunk very low.

We arrived at the spot about 40 minutes after we set off from my house and could see there was already a lot of people here. Holly immediately went off and started talking to any guy she could find and I was left on my own not really recognising anyone around me. I noticed a group of guys all stood together and they were laughing. I couldn’t really see their faces, but from the noise, I’d guessed they had already had quite a bit to drink. I grabbed a bottle of beer from Holly’s car and walked over to Holly who was talking to a couple of girls and joined in the conversation a bit.

“Hey Hannah, let me introduce you to some people,” she said, leading me away. We walked over to the guys I’d noticed before and she said hello to a couple of them.

“Hannah, this is Garrett, Kennedy, Eric and-”

“Hello again,” the next guy said.

“And John,” Holly continued. “Wait, you two know each other?”

“Er not really,” I told her. “We met earlier today over coffee.”

“She ran off before I even had a chance to tell her my name, or get hers,” he smiled at me.

“It’s Hannah,” I smiled back.

“Nice to meet you again, Hannah,” he said, holding out his hand, which I took and shook. Holly was already off talking to some more people. That girl was born to socialise. “So how do you know Holly?”

“She’s my best friend. We went to high school together and now we go to the same college,” I explained. “How about you?”

“She lives nextdoor to one of my bandmates, Jared.”

As soon as the word ‘bandmate’ left his lips I let out a long sigh. That was the last thing I wanted to hear: John was in a band. Of course he was. He was attractive, he had an interest in literature, he was someone I could imagine myself being interested in. He was someone just like my ex-boyfriend.

“Can you excuse me?” I asked, before walking over to Holly. “You brought me here when you knew there were going be band guys here? What are you playing at?”

“Hannah, you’ve been cooped up for weeks now, you need to put yourself back out there,” she said.

“OK yeah, but band guys, Holly? It’s not even been two months since I lost the last one!” I said, before making my way back to her car and opening the door.

“HANNAH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Holly shouted through the door that I’d just slammed shut.

“Well until you’re ready to go, I’m staying here,” I told her. I didn’t want to hang out with these people, I couldn’t handle getting close to anyone from a band again.

I sat in the car for a while on my own after Holly realised I wasn’t budging. I checked my phone a few times, but mostly I just kept my head down. willing time to go faster so we could go home. After a while, the driver’s door opened and I looked up expecting to see Holly but instead there was a tall boy getting in next to me.

“Er, excuse me, what are you doing?” I asked.

“You looked like you needed some company, so I thought I’d offer mine,” John smiled. Already that smile was doing dangerous things to me, things that I didn’t like.

“I’m fine on my own thanks,” I told him.

“Well, tough luck, you’re stuck with mine too, since I don’t really want to be here tonight,” he told me. I didn’t reply after that, I already knew he was going to be just as stubborn as I was. After several minutes with neither of us talking, other than heavy breathing coming from John, he finally broke the silence. “Why don’t you like me?”

“I never said I didn’t like you,” I told him, looking out of the window.

“Yeah but you obviously don’t.”

“It’s not that I don’t like you...I just don’t like...someone like you.”

“Someone like me? What the heck does that mean? You don’t even know me,” he reasoned.

“Fine,” I said, finally turning to face him. “Tell me about yourself.”

“My name’s John Cornelius O’Callaghan the Fifth, I’m 18 years old, I went to Arizona State University for a while, but I’ve now dropped out to do what I really love, which is playing music. I live at home with my parents and two brothers...I don’t know what else to tell you,” he laughed. “You have to return the favor now!”

“OK,” I mumbled. “My name is Hannah Mae Frazier, I’m 18, I moved to Arizona when I was 11 years old from Georgia with my parents and younger sister. And right now, more than anything else in life, all I want is a dog,” I told him.

We ended up talking all night. As much as I hated the fact he was in a band, the way he spoke about his life just made me want to be involved in it. He spoke with such passion about everything, touring, recording, his family, music in general. He fascinated me.