All Yours Somehow

“This was a mistake,” I said, as I found my bra and underwear from the floor. I pulled them on and turned back to John who was still laying in his bed with his arms behind his head. I grabbed my dress and pulled on and zipped it up. “I should go.”

“No, don’t go,” he said. “Last night was amazing, please stay.”

“No, John, I have to go,” I said, grabbing my bag and making my way to his door. I couldn’t believe what had happened. I had definitely had way too much to drink last night, and my head was punishing me for it now. I just needed to get out of there fast. “This was all a big mistake.”

“At least let me drive you home,” he said, finally sitting up.

“No, I just need to go.”

“I don’t care, I’m driving you,” he told me, getting out of bed, pulling on his boxers and jeans and grabbing a t-shirt.

“You don’t-”

“Stop saying no and just let me do it.”

We walked through his house and it was completely quiet. He still lived with his parents and brothers, so I guessed they had all gone out for the day. I didn’t even have a clue what time it was. John grabbed his keys and led me outside and unlocked his truck.

“This is your car?” I asked.

“Yeah, and?” he asked, opening the passenger door for me to get in.

“Nothing, it’s cute,” I smiled.

I told him where I lived and we sat in silence for the journey as he drove. I couldn’t even look at him and the only noise that did filled the car was his deep breathing. It wasn’t long before we arrived on my street and I told him which building to stop outside of.

“So...” he began to say.

“Look, I’m sorry,” I sighed. This was unavoidable now that John had shut off the engine and had turned to me. “I’m just not ready for this, I’m sorry, it was a bad idea.”

“You don’t need to apologise,” he said. “I shouldn’t have let it happen considering the state we were both in last night,” he explained. “But it was amazing, I will say that much. So I’ll see you soon?”

“Maybe, but just to hang out,” I said. “I’m not sure when I’ll be able to handle alcohol again,” I laughed softly. “Thanks for the ride, bye John.”

I got out of his truck and headed straight for the front door. I let myself in and the house was in near silence, other than music playing from my sister’s bedroom. I walked straight to my room and went to my bathroom, pulled off my clothes and got straight in the shower.

As soon as I was alone with my thoughts, I kept thinking about John and what had happened last night. If I tried to think about something else, somehow I would end up thinking about John again. I just couldn’t get him off my mind. After being in a relationship with the same guy for over two years, it felt strange to have sex with someone else, which is what really bothered me about the whole situation. I thought I was ready to move on. I thought I was over Stephen, but somehow he still had a hold over me. It had been nearly six months since we’d split up and I hadn’t been with anyone else until now. And to go from one band guy to another was exactly what I kept telling myself I didn’t want to happen.

But I did enjoy it. Being with John was unlike any time I’d had sex with Stephen. Stephen and I were in love and it was great, but sometimes the sex was just too familiar. It wasn’t new and exciting anymore. Whereas, with John that’s exactly what it was. It new, exciting and most of all, it was rough.

Letting the water fall over me, I put my head in my hands and moaned. My thoughts were killing me. I finished up in the shower, grabbed a towel and walked back into my room to get dressed. I dried my hair and put on a little make up and sighed as I looked at my reflection.

“For fucks sake, what have you done to me?” I said out loud as I sat there for a few minutes. Suddenly, I made a decision. I quickly finish getting ready and grabbed my car keys and ran out of my house. I drove the roads of Phoenix until I arrived at the right house, shut off the engine and got out my car to grab a box from my trunk. My legs wanted me to go faster than my body could handle and I ended stumbling up the drive. I prayed no one else was home as I knocked on the door and waited for an answer.

“Hannah? What are you doing here?” he asked as the door opened.