The Remains Of My Wasted Youth.

I woke up wondering what was so different about today, and then it hit me. It was my birthday today. I was officially eighteen. An adult. In charge of my own life. Able to do what I want. I stretched out in bed, careful not to hit Alex, until I realized that Alex wasn't there.

I slipped out of bed and into the shower. I wandered back into the room naked, and Alex was sitting there, smirking at me.

He got up and came over to kiss me, and then backed away.

"Happy birthday, baby," he said. "Get dressed and come downstairs, my parents are waiting for you!"

I fake pouted. "What, no birthday sex?"

He grinned at me. "As much as I'd love to, I think it'd be entirely too obvious to my parents, and I really would rather not think about them knowing that we're up here having sex, you know? Kind of a mood-kill. And besides, they have a surprise for you!"

I found some clean clothes, and slipped them on, only to realize that I was wearing Alex's shirt and that it didn't fit very well. I had my own room, technically, but over the last few weeks, since I'd started staying here, I think I'd slept in it twice. Alex's parents didn't care where I was sleeping or what I was doing, as long as I was safe and happy.

I threw the shirt at Alex. "Lex, you need to work out more so we can have the same size clothes!"

I found something of mine and took Alex's hand as we walked downstairs.

His parents got up and hugged me. "Happy birthday, Zack!" They said it at the same time and shared a warm look that made Alex cringe but made me warm inside. I hoped that me and Alex would have a relationship as real as the Gaskarths'.

I sat down, and Peter pushed a small box towards me. "Go on, open it!"

I did, and pulled out a set of car keys. I looked up, confused.

"What?"

Alex was already heading out the door and I followed him, and there, sitting in the driveway beside my crappy truck, was a brand new Dodge, white and beautiful and gleaming. It had a giant bow on it, and a sign that read "Happy Birthday, Zack!"

I turned to Isobel and Peter with tears in my eyes. "You guys, you didn't have to. You're amazing, thank you so much!"

"I think there's someone else you should be thanking, too," Isobel said, and pointed.

I turned back to the truck and saw my mom standing there, hesitantly. She didn't look like she knew what to say, and my throat thickened, and I ran to her without even thinking.

"Mom!"

We both started crying as we hugged each other, and then she just held me and looked at me. "Happy birthday, baby! You're all grown up now! I'm so sorry, Zack, for everything that's happened. I left your father. I couldn't stand it. I never could. I stayed with him because I wanted you to have a father, but you're eighteen now. You're not a little boy, you don't need your parents."

Tears rolled down my face. "I'll always need you, Mom!"

She hugged me again. "I'm so sorry," she repeated. "I hope you can forgive me! I never thought you were to blame, for anything. And I'm sorry that I never stood up to your father before. But I did last night, after he flipped out on me for going out with Peter and Isobel."

"Of course I forgive you, Mom. I love you! I've always loved you." I put slight emphasize on the you, and I knew she understood.

She looked past me, to Alex. "Alex ... I really hope you can forgive me too. I screwed up, a lot. With everyone. But I want to make amends. Truth is, Alex, you've always been like another son to be, even before you dated Kevin. But I'm glad you're with Zack now. You both need love. Real love."

Alex nodded slowly. "I forgive you, Ms.M," he said with a little boy grin. "Like Zack said, I've always loved you. I'm glad you've came to your senses, because you need love too. Real love."

She smiled and we walked up the stairs, and hugged Alex with her other arm.

"I have you two, that's a start," she said. "So what have I missed? Are you two engaged yet? What's this I hear about a band? And touring? No college? Come on, tell me all about it!" She took our hands and motioned us inside. Over her head, Alex and I shared a look, and both of us smiled.

"I love you," I said to him.

"And I love you," he answered.

We walked into the house together today, the five of us. My family. Some of it blood, some of it not, but all of it equally important. I've learned a lot in only eighteen years. I've learned about love, heartbreak, tragedy, death, life, friends, family, music, careers, plans, luck, everything. I've learned that sometimes you have to get lost in order to find yourself. It's okay to be scared, it's okay to be confused, it's okay to be yourself. It's okay to be in love. It's okay to not be okay. As long as you know that one day, things will change for the better and all the tragedy will make sense, and you'll realize that it all happened for a reason. Just like the leaves fall off the trees in the fall to make room for prettier ones in the spring, love fades to come back even more powerful. The trees always survive the winter, despite it sometimes seeming endless. And it's always worth the wait. Just like love. I've learned to think of all the rough patches as miniature winters. Because after every hard time, our love seems to be even stronger. And sometimes, just like the trees, I lose hope, and bend, and sway, and lose my smile, but I never break. Because I know that just like those leaves, our love will always manage to push it's way through. Sometimes the buds are tiny and it seems hopeless, but with patience and love, it will happen. Love always prevails. Love is always worth it. Whether its the love of a mother, a brother, a lover, or a friend.

I closed my journal that night, taking comfort in knowing that Alex was sleeping peacefully beside me, and that my mom was down the hall, sleeping in the room that was supposed to be mine.

I watched Alex sleeping, his breath even and his hair spread out on the pillow like a sleeping angel. Not that I'd ever tell him that. He'd think I was a creep, or worse, a romantic and a sap.

I put my journal in it's hiding place. I didn't like anyone knowing that I had a journal.

I slipped into bed, snuggling into Alex. I kissed his cheek softly.

"Night, Alex."

I reached up and turned off the light, and pulled the blankets up around me. Alex stirred in his sleep, reaching out for me, and I fell asleep within seconds, in his arms.

I'd finally found my way home.