The Remains Of My Wasted Youth.

Two weeks after deciding I was going to follow my own advice and let go of the past, my world crashed down around me as I heard Alex whisper my dead brother's name. I'd sat and watched helplessly as he floundered around in his nightmare. His eyes were open but unseeing, and his arms and legs were flailing around everywhere. Tears streamed down his cheeks and I could only imagine what he was dreaming.

Tears burned in my eyes and I reached the side of his bed just as he rolled off it onto the floor. I watched as he clawed at the floor, looking for something that wasn't there.

"Kevin," he whimpered, curling into a ball. "Kevin, come back. I need you." He wrapped his arms around himself and starting rocking back and forth. I couldn't tell if he was sleeping anymore, but he was shaking and I was terrified he was going to slip into a shock coma before my eyes.

Not knowing what else to do, I dropped to my knees beside him. He instantly reached out for me, wrapping his arms around me and burying his face into the crook of my neck. His breathing tickled and the shaking of his body caused chills to race up and down my back.

"I knew you'd come back for me," he breathed, and I froze.

He thought I was Kevin. He thought I was my dead brother. My body shook violently and I couldn't snap out of it. I inhaled his scent, forgetting to breathe and almost choking.

His arms rubbed up and down my back. I felt his lips against my lips, and my body couldn't help but react. His hands reached under my shirt, warmth pressing against my suddenly frigid body. His lips sank into the most tender spot on my neck and my whole body was suddenly on fire. A slight moan escaped my lips and Alex seemed to take this as encouragement.

His lips found mine, his tongue hungrily thrusting into my mouth, seeking mine. His hands tore my shirt off my body and his hot hands roamed over my body, leaving no inch of skin untouched.

At first I resisted, but I couldn't help but kiss him back. My tongue danced with his. I sucked on his tongue and scraped it gently with my teeth and I felt him squirm beneath me, his body pressing up against the hot hard lump that was growing in my pants. I grabbed his hand, pressing it against that part of my body as my lips attacked his neck. I ran my hands up under his shirt and pulled it off him, my hands eagerly tracing his body.

I felt his hands slip into my pants, his fingers tracing the waistband of my boxers. I moaned, encouraging him by thrusting my hips forward against his hand, and he slipped his hand all the way down in one shot, wrapping his fingers around my hard cock as he did so. His lips found mine again and I moaned into his mouth as his fingers squeezed my dick, applying just the right amount of pressure.

He tugged rythmatically and I moaned over and over. The head of my cock was already glistening with pre-cum, and he played with the tip expertly, spreading the wetness down the length of my dick, making it easier to jerk off. He squeezed the base,

My hands were working on his belt buckle now. It gave way easily enough and I thrust my hands down his pants, pulling them and his boxers down to his knees with one tug. I dropped to my knees and took him in my mouth eagerly. He was hot and hard and tasted like sweet heaven to me. I licked up and down, and then took the whole length into my mouth in one shot. I had the pleasure of hearing the loud moan that escaped his mouth, and he gripped my head with his hands, urging me on.

I bobbed up and down, going faster and faster. His hand was rubbing my dick even faster too, and I could feel the pressure building up in both of us. I didn't let up, taking more and more of him in my mouth until I felt the familiar tightening in both of us - he burst into my mouth at the same time as I gushed all over his hands.

We both lay there in silence for a few minutes, neither of us speaking. It was starting to be light out, but it was still dark enough that the only thing that could be seen in the room was two shadowy figures.

I felt a slight brush against my fingers and I looked down to see Alex's fingers just barely touching mine. I started to move them away, but instead I covered his hand with mine and twined my fingers with his. He took this as an invitation to move closer, leaning agaisnt me.

I wanted to push him away but part of me needed to be closer to him than ever before. I wrapped my arms around him, pressing my lips to his softly. He kissed me back, and then nuzzled into my neck. He was freezing, and I pulled the blanket off his bed and wrapped it around him.

He couldn't look me in the eye as he spoke. "Zack, I - I - I'm sorry - I didn't mean for that to happen. I just - it just - the dream," he stuttered.

I kissed his cheek softly. "It's okay, Alex. I didn't do anything I didn't want to do."

He didn't say anything but I could see his cheeks turning red. I laid my cheek agaisnt his and held him against my chest.

"What was the dream about? I know part of it was about your brother, but there seemed to be someone else in the dream." I asked. I wanted to see if he was remembering. I didn't want him to remember. I just wanted it to be us, forever.

His face scrunched up and something lingered in his eyes for a brief second and then it was gone. "I don't remember. I never remember. But it's always the same, and it's always terrifiying. One of these days I'll remember and maybe then it will make sense." He looked around for a minute and then looked at me. "Did you hear me say another name?" He seemed so hopeful, and for a minute I felt like telling him everything.

But I couldn't. "No," I said, ignoring the disappointment in his eyes. "I was too far away, you were mumbling."

"Okay," he said, and then buried his face in my chest.

I hurt as I watched him. He was going to have to know the truth one day - there was no way I could keep hiding this from him. As much I hated to admit it, he was starting to mean something to me. Really mean something to me.