Just Like Mikey

“When did Mikey get sick?” The good doctor asked.

“We found out, well really when Mikey told us, was when Grace was about 6 months old.” This was the hardest part of it all. Talking about Mikey’s illness. “He came home one afternoon, he looked pale and tired. I asked what was wrong and all he could was wrap his arms around me and sob uncontrollably into my neck.” Zack’s words started to crack and get stuck in his throat. “I begged him to tell me what was wrong.”

“Take a second and breath.” Lily said seeing that Zack was becoming hysterical. He did just that he took a few deep breaths.

“When he calmed down enough he pulled away enough to look me in the eyes. My grip on him tightened so he knew that no matter what it was I wasn’t letting go.” Zack swallowed back more tears. “I barely heard him the first time he said it.”

“Said what?”

“Two words I never want to hear spoke again from anyone I care for.” Zack paused. Looking from the doctor down to the ripped knees of his faded blue jeans. “I’m dieing.” slipped from his lips.

“How did you react when you found out Mikey was sick?” Lily asked.

“I did the only thing I could at the time. I held my husband close to me. I let him cry into my shoulder as I fought back the urge to scream. I don’t know if we collapsed or we slide down the doors of the counters but we were on the kitchen floor when Grace crying finally pulled me from my thoughts. Mikey was sitting in my lap, head on my shoulder. He had cried himself to sleep. I carried him to our bedroom before taking care of my crying daughter.”

“What did you do then?” Lily asked.

“I held it in. I did everything I could to make sure that Mikey was comfortable and Grace was taken care of. I cook, cleaned, made sure the bills were paid and made sure our lives were as normal as possible until it couldn’t be anymore.”

“How long did Mikey’s illness…” Lily stopped talking trying to think of the perfect way to phrase the next part of her sentence.

“How long did it take to kill him?” Zack said. “Almost three years. He would get really sick then get better, towards the end we thought maybe we had it under control because he hadn’t gotten sick in over six months, Grace was getting older and starting to understand what was going on.”

“Then what happened?”

“It was like he took a turn for the worse over night.” Zack said. “He was fine one day, then the next morning he was vomiting blood, running a fever and having seizure after seizure.” Zack bit his lip trying to hold back the tears. “That hospital stay was the last.” he chocked out. His bottom lip trembled and tears poured down his face. “He passed away a week later.”

“How did losing him make you feel?”

“Lily, have you ever lost something that you used everyday?” Zack asked. She nodded,

“Yes, I had my handbag stole a few years back, had everything in it. Notes for school, cell phone, and organizer. Everything I needed.”

“Take the emotion you felt when that happen and times it by a hundred. Then take that emotion and put it through hell and back and times that emotion by hundred. And that is only a fraction what I felt by losing him.” Zack explained.

“I understand.”

“You don’t because you’ve never had the matching piece of your soul ripped from you like a band aid an infected wound.” Zack said.

“Did you speak at his funeral?”

“I couldn’t.” he said. “I sat in the pew at the church, I held Grace to me and sob silently to myself.” he explained. Tears continued to rush down his cheeks. “Gerard sat next to me his hand rested on my thigh. His mother sat on the other side of me. She sat there trying to be strong, but the pain of losing her youngest son took over and she started crying so hard, I took her hand in mine and she couldn’t help but cry even harder.” Zack held his breath for a few moments released it slowly and continued.

“At the burial, I had to be sedated.”

“What do you mean?”

“As they lowered his body into the ground, my body and mind started to panic and I lunged forward towards the casket, it took six people to get me still enough for someone to pop a tranquilizer in my mouth and get me to swallow.”

“Zack now that Mikey’s gone what’s it like at home?”

“Lonely. Cold. Not home.” Zack said.

“And Grace?”

“The only thing keeping me from blowing my brains out to be with him.” Zack said.

“Do you feel you’re a danger to your self?”

“No because I have to much depending on my for me to hurt myself. And I know Mikey would hate me if I even thought about killing myself. And I’ve done enough to him.”

“Do you feel better?”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad I finally got to meet you Zack, Mikey used to talk about you and Grace all the time. I’m glad you came to see me.”

“Me too.”