Decide

I don't remember falling asleep, but apparently I did because the clock says it's 10:30 am. Thank God I don't have work today, if I did I probably would have called in anyways, but I forgot to set my alarm. I immediately pick up my phone off of the bedside table, and see that I have a message. Expecting it to be John I hurry and open it, but disappointment floods through me as I see my sisters name on the screen. "hey sis, how's the house?" I type back a quick "it's great." before rolling back over in the bed. Why hasn't he called me yet? Does he not want me anymore? Drugs are more important than me. Maybe I should've handled the situation better. Should I go back there and see what he's doing? No, Amaiya, don't do it, what if he's high again? I kept thinking and thinking, I couldn't seem to stop. I wanted so desperately to pull myself out of bed and drive over to the house, but I couldn't bring myself to do so. What if he was high again? If he was I honestly don't know what I would do. Instead of going over there, I just snuggled into the covers and laid in bed. Time seemed to have stopped, it was moving so slowly. I held my phone in my hands still, and waited. I wouldn't stop waiting. I needed him to call me saying that he was going to get help. BUT I JUST COULDN'T STOP WONDERING; what if he never called? I couldn't wait forever for him to call, so I guess I had to stop sulking. I threw off the covers, and got out of bed. I was going to do something today, besides cry. Maybe I'll buy new clothes, or get a new hairstyle. I need to do something to get my mind off this. I walked into the kitchen and started making coffee, whilst pondering my decision. When the coffee was done I sipped at it and decided I'll do both! Yeah, I'll do both. Whilst still drinking my coffee I called and made a hair appointment. The hair dresser said she can see me at 4:30 so that gives me about 4 hours to shop, by the time I was done getting ready.

It ended up taking me a little bit longer to get ready, but I still had about 3 and a half hours left to shop. I got a lot of different clothes, that still managed to look good on me. I was a little apprehensive about trying them on at first because they weren't my style, but I like them a lot. NOW ONTO THE SCARY PART! I am absolutely horrified about dying my hair only because what if it doesn't look right. I swallowed my fear as I parked in the salon parking lot, and walked in the door. I have had light brown hair for a while, but I want something completely different. I'm thinking a dark brown with either a purple, or red base.

Walking out of the salon with burgundy hair, I couldn't help but feel better about myself. Change is what I needed, or maybe it was just a day to myself.

My day of not thinking about John came to a hault as soon as I walked into my sisters house. I was alone in my sisters house, I wasn't at my old house with John. UGH this sucks so much! Being home with him would be so much better than alone in the house by myself, but that got fucked when he decided to turn to drugs.

Now that I was alone in complete silence, no distractions, the 'what ifs' ate away at my mind. I needed to put them to rest but I couldn't. I decided to make a sandwich, and watch TV, maybe that would take my mind off of him for a little bit.