Status: NEW!
Decide
Chapter 3
It's been a month since I left John, but I still am constantly worrying about him. Whenever my mind wanders it always goes straight to him. I wonder how he's doing, and I worry about where he'll end up next. Lately I catch myself staring at the phone waiting for the hospital to call, or the police, to tell me that he overdosed. I know it's kind of morbid of me, but I can't help it.
I ended up confiding in my sister for help, and she suggested that I try and forget John by going out to clubs and meeting guys. I tried, honestly. I decided new look, new life, but that's not who I am. I couldn't go out every weekend and get drunk and try talking to guys, because I just ended up comparing them to John, the John before drugs. Once I decided the club life wasn't for me, I fell into a routine. Sleep, eat, work, eat, gym, and sleep again. I was content with routine, but with my time not being consumed by much, I had more time to worry about John. I figured by now I would have calmed down a bit, but it seems I've only gotten worse. I have actually had anxiety attacks lately, I've been that worried. I decided to get help for my anxiety, and nerves, by seeing a therapist. My appointment is actually today, in about an hour. OH SHIT! I hurried and ran to the shower, and made it quick. I got dressed, towel dried my hair, and sloppily threw it up. I ran to my makeup bag, swiped on some eyeliner, and coated my lashes with mascara. I then went back to the bathroom, brushes my teeth and deodorized. It only took me half an hour to get ready, I think that's a new record for me. I walked into the living room, grabbed my purse and my keys and headed for the car. I was about to open the car door when my phone rang.. it's a weird number that I've never seen before. PLEASE DON'T BE A POLICE OFFICER OR THE HOSPITAL! I answered, and hesitantly said hello. "Hi." OH GOD OH GOD "JOHN?" I asked. "Yeah.. Amaiya it's me." "Look if you're calling for money to buy drugs, I refuse. If you need your ass bailed out a jail, I'm sorry you had to waste your one phone call on me, because again I refuse." I spoke into the phone. I expected myself to act totally different on the phone when John called me, if he called me. "Nope, I just called to let you know I'm getting help. I checked myself into rehab a month ago." Is this real, I asked myself. "Why?" "Because I had to choose, and I chose you."
I ended up confiding in my sister for help, and she suggested that I try and forget John by going out to clubs and meeting guys. I tried, honestly. I decided new look, new life, but that's not who I am. I couldn't go out every weekend and get drunk and try talking to guys, because I just ended up comparing them to John, the John before drugs. Once I decided the club life wasn't for me, I fell into a routine. Sleep, eat, work, eat, gym, and sleep again. I was content with routine, but with my time not being consumed by much, I had more time to worry about John. I figured by now I would have calmed down a bit, but it seems I've only gotten worse. I have actually had anxiety attacks lately, I've been that worried. I decided to get help for my anxiety, and nerves, by seeing a therapist. My appointment is actually today, in about an hour. OH SHIT! I hurried and ran to the shower, and made it quick. I got dressed, towel dried my hair, and sloppily threw it up. I ran to my makeup bag, swiped on some eyeliner, and coated my lashes with mascara. I then went back to the bathroom, brushes my teeth and deodorized. It only took me half an hour to get ready, I think that's a new record for me. I walked into the living room, grabbed my purse and my keys and headed for the car. I was about to open the car door when my phone rang.. it's a weird number that I've never seen before. PLEASE DON'T BE A POLICE OFFICER OR THE HOSPITAL! I answered, and hesitantly said hello. "Hi." OH GOD OH GOD "JOHN?" I asked. "Yeah.. Amaiya it's me." "Look if you're calling for money to buy drugs, I refuse. If you need your ass bailed out a jail, I'm sorry you had to waste your one phone call on me, because again I refuse." I spoke into the phone. I expected myself to act totally different on the phone when John called me, if he called me. "Nope, I just called to let you know I'm getting help. I checked myself into rehab a month ago." Is this real, I asked myself. "Why?" "Because I had to choose, and I chose you."