Decide

2 months and 13 days down, and 3 months and 18 left to go.

John still calls me everyday, and our conversations are usually the same but I still love hearing his voice. Today though, John called me at around 10 in the morning and I ignored it. You see, today is John's 24th birthday so I'm going to surprise him and show up in person. I checked with a nurse to get special visiting hours and everything. This will be the first time visiting John in rehab. I haven't gone to visit yet because it's a four hour drive. I plan on making a usual visit about two times a month from now on though. I just wanted to save the first visit for today. I figured by now all the stressful withdrawal is out of the way, and that he'd love to have some familiar company. I'm about fifteen minutes away from the center, according to my GPS, and oh man am I nervous. Will he look different? Will he act different? Will he even want me to be there? Yes, even though John has made it clear that he wants our relationship back, I still don't know if he really loves me. I mean he tells me he loves me, and that is not a term for him to throw around, but then why did he start drugs. Did I cause him to turn to drugs? No, Amaiya he loves you, nothing you could ever do would lead him to drugs, that was his own fault. The thoughts going through my head seemed to pass the time because before I knew it my GPS was saying "you have arrived at your destination." I parked quickly and situated myself before getting out of the car. I took deep breaths as I walked towards the doors and my breathing haulted as I opened them. Forcing myself to relax and breathe, I walked to the front desk. I asked for Charlette, she was the nurse that set this up for me she even said she'd tell him he was meeting with his therapist instead of having a visitor. Charlette came out and saw me, and her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree "this is so exciting, I'll show you to a private visiting room, then go get him." She guided me down a hallway and into a room decorated with a couch, a TV, a table, and some board games. I situated myself on the couch as Charlette retreated from the room to get John. Counting to 10 in my head repeatedly I waited for John to show up in the doorway. I counted to 10 seventeen times before I heard footsteps approaching the door. Anxiously waiting for John to appear in front of me I looked down at my jeans and started drawing designs into the denim with my finger. I heard someone clear their throat so I lifted my head, and my eyes locked with Johns. John had this goofy smile plastered on his face as I jumped from the couch and ran to kiss him, technically not really running seeing as he was just across the room from me, it wasn't much of a travel. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him with so much passion, in which he returned. I reluctantly pulled away from John, our eyes locking in on each other yet again as I whispered "Happy birthday baby, I love you."