I Want It All

Carlyle was drowning in paper work. She had just finished recording and mixing two new albums and now she was at her least favorite part: paper work. She could think of a list a mile long of things she would rather do. And that was probably why it had taken her three hours to make it through one report.

“Hey, good lookin.”

Lyle glanced up just in time to see Erika walking across the lobby. Instead of reading in her office, she had retreated to one of the more comfortable chairs in the lobby. She had kicked her heels off hours before, her blazer dropped on the arm rest, and she stood up, greeting her best friend with a hug. “Hey, what’s up?”

Erika shrugged and held up a bag of Chick-fil-A. “I brought lunch.”

Lyle smiled. “How did you know I was hungry?”

“Lucky guess,” Erika told her with a shrug.

“Well, thank you.”

“So…” Erika trailed off, sitting down in one of the chairs beside her friend. “What have you been up to?”

Lyle shrugged, popping a chicken nugget into her mouth. “Work. Stuff. Y’know, the usual. You?”

“Listening to Alex complain as to why you won’t return his calls.”

“Ouch,” she muttered. “That only took two minutes.”

“Not even ninety seconds—gimme some credit.”

Lyle sighed.

“C’mon. Y’all have been inseparable since the album. What’s going on?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“What did Alex fuck up this time?”

Lyle sighed and ran her hands through her hair.

“You gotta talk to him sooner or later.”

“We’ve ignored each other for four years before—“

“Do we have to talk about that again?”

“—so it’s okay if we go a few weeks without talking,” Lyle said indifferently

Erika just sent her a look. “Really? You expect me to buy that?”

“Erika—“

“You miss him, he misses you. Just slap him, call him out, and be friends again. Okay? We’re only in town for another week before tour starts so. You might wanna resolve this before we leave. That’s all I’m saying,” Erika suggested.

Lyle nodded. Okay, she knew she should tell him. It was going to come out eventually. Well, maybe. She was quiet for a couple of minutes before she stood up and grabbed her lunch.

“Where—“

“My office,” Lyle said quietly before walking across the lobby and to her office. It wasn’t large or ostentatious, but it was just the right size to conduct her meetings and…all that work related stuff. After Erika walked in, Lyle shut the door with her foot and set all of her stuff on her desk. “What I’m about to tell you does not leave this office. It does not ever leave your lips again. That means you do not tell anyone, not even Jack—“

“I won’t—“

“This is serious business, Erika,” Lyle interrupted, her voice dropping. “I need you to swear on your love of Big Time Rush that you aren’t going to ever repeat the words I’m about to tell you.”

“Why—“

“Promise me.”

“Not until you tell me why,” Erika said. “What is going on?”

Lyle sighed. “I need your word on this, Erika. I don’t want to hide this from you, but everyone doesn’t need to know.”

“Does it involve Alex?”

“Yes.”

Erika sighed. “And I can’t tell Jack?”

Lyle shook her head quickly. “No. No, I know you love Jack and all of that. But I need this to stay between you and me. Don’t even tell your dog, your toaster, your…whatever. Okay? Please.”

Erika normally wouldn’t agree to anything without a reason, but seeing the desperate look on her best friend’s face changed her mind. She held out her pinkie. “I promise that I won’t ever repeat the words that you are about to tell me, not to Jack, not to Cuddles, not to my darling toaster.”

Lyle hooked their pinkies together. “I’m pregnant.”

“Oh my God.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh my God!” Erika squealed, hugging her best friend tightly. “Oh my God, this is so exciting!”

Lyle took a step back, shaking her head. “No, it’s not.”

The smile faded from Erika’s face. “Wait, does Alex not know? Oh my God, he’s gonna kill the father. Absolutely kill—“

“He is the father,” Lyle whispered.

Erika took a step back, sitting down in one of the chairs. “Oh my—Can you stop dropping bombshells on me please?”

“There’s one more thing.”

Erika took a deep breath. “Okay, I’m ready.”

“I don’t want it.”

“Lyle, you can’t—that’s—I mean—“

“Erika,” Lyle started before sitting down next to her friend. “I don’t expect you to understand my situation—“

“You’re pregnant, Lyle.”

“Trust me, I know.”

“Are you going to tell Alex?”

Lyle faltered for a minute. “I don’t—I don’t know.”

“You have to tell him. He deserves to know. It’s his child, too.”

“It’s not a child, Erika, it’s…not a child,” she said softly, unsure of whether or not she was trying to convince her best friend or herself.

“You can’t just…get rid of it. That’s wrong, Lyle—“

“You don’t understand, Erika—“

“You can give it up for adoption!”

Lyle shook her head. “I shouldn’t have told you.”

“Yes, you should have, so I can talk you out of this nonsense,” Erika snapped.

“This isn’t your life, Erika,” Lyle exclaimed. “I told you because you’re my friend. Friends are supposed to support one another—“

“Not when they’re being stupid—“

“This isn’t your choice! This is my choice. It’s my body and my future!”

“Tell Alex and maybe my opinion will change. If he’s okay with it, then I’ll be okay with it,” Erika said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Lyle sighed. “He doesn’t have to be okay with it. He legally doesn’t have a choice in the matter.”

“He’s the father—“

“I could’ve just gone to the clinic, did the procedure, and never told you. Then how would you have felt if it came out in two years and you didn’t know?” Lyle asked. “How would you have felt?”

Erika sighed. “I would’ve been mad that you didn’t tell me—“

“Exactly. I confided in you because we’re friends, but not because I wanted your moral stance on the subject of an abortion,” she snapped.

Erika cringed at the word, shaking her head. “Tell Alex.”

“Fine. But you don’t get to lecture me on this, Erika. Not when I need your support more than anything,” Lyle told her, her eyes softening.

“Lyle—“

“It’s not like I just woke up this morning and decided that this was what I wanted to do. It’s not a rash decision. I’ve put a lot of thought into this. I found out I was pregnant three weeks ago—I’ve thought about this every single day. This is what’s best for me,” Lyle told her.

Erika scratched the back of her neck. She knew it wasn’t a time to push something on her friend—it was obvious she was hurting enough. She reached over and grabbed her hand. “We’re in this together, Lyle, no matter what. Okay?”

Lyle nodded slowly. “Thank you.”