The Ugly Truth

After I went through the mortification of being sang to in front of a crowd, I returned to where I had left John standing.

“You looked awesome up there,” John said, smiling adorably.

“Thanks.”

“So, are you going to stick around a little more or do you have somewhere to be?”

I felt the urge to say I had plans, which, of course, I didn’t. I wanted to stay, but some little part of me didn’t, and I didn’t know why.

“Um, sure,” I replied after mentally debating it.

Since the concert had ended, we slowly walked away from the stage area, while we talked of dull things like university and the weather. At that moment, I wished I would have listened to the little voice in my head that had told me to go home.

“Hey, do you want some cotton candy?” John asked, as he stopped beside a man who was making it.

“I forgot to bring some money,” I said, then regretted it, because it sounded like I wanted some but he would have to buy it for me.

“My treat,” he replied, like always, with a smile on his face.

“No, you don’t have to-”

“I will anyways. Look at it this way, you can either take it or I’ll throw it away. You don’t want to waste my money, now do you?” he teased.

So I took it. The fluffy texture of the cotton candy melted in my mouth, leaving a sugary taste. My fingers were full of the sticky residue that remains after eating cotton candy. As I concentrated on eating up my fluffy treat, I completely forgot about Riley. Until I saw him.

He was standing next to a booth, leaning against it a little, talking to another guy and laughing, like he was having a great time. The sun shone in his face, so he was squinting a little, and he wore a cap backwards. My knees went a little weak.

“Are you ok?” John asked.

I turned to look at him, a few steps ahead of me. I had actually stopped walking just to admire Riley.

“Yeah, I just thought we could go check out that booth over there,” I said, pointing to the one Riley was beside.

“It’s a gardening booth,” John said, confused.

And it was, but I had been so fixated on Riley, I hadn’t even noticed.

“Yeah, my mom really likes gardening, and I thought I could look for some thing for her, you know?”

So I lied again. I seemed to be on a roll.

“Oh, okay. I’ll be looking at this booth, when you’re finished, tell me,” he said, walking towards a radio booth that looked way more fun. Except Riley wasn’t there.

As I walked towards him, I started to wonder why I wanted to see him. He had insulted me. He hated me. If he saw me, he’d probably start running the other way. So midway there, I started slightly turning, so I would end up at the booth next to the gardening one, which would make my escape a lot easier.

“Hey, Lindsay,” Riley called, waving.

I couldn’t run away now.

“Hi.”

“I didn’t know you were here,” he said.

“Yeah, well, here I am,” I replied, barely smiling.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ve got to go. See you around,” I said, ending the conversation.

He seemed as surprised as I was that I had been so brusque. But it felt good. I was standing up for myself. I wasn’t about to let a jerk insult me, and then try to treat me nicely.

I returned to where John was checking out some local band’s albums.

“Can we go just go somewhere far from here?” I said.

“Sure…” he replied, confused until he turned around and spotted Riley standing at the stand I had been at.

“Was he bothering you?”

“No. I would just rather not have to see him,” I replied, hating myself a little for saying that. Even though he had been rude and impertinent, I would never hate seeing him. I just couldn’t, no matter how hard I wanted to.

John stepped closer and wrapped his arms around me. It was a sweet gesture, but from over his shoulder I saw Riley staring at us. And I couldn’t help but stare back at his captivating green eyes. He was so perfect it was breathtaking. But he was an idiot. Somehow, looking into his eyes that way, I didn’t find him capable of ever saying anything that cruel. But he had.

“You’re wonderful,” John whispered into my ear.

“You too,” I said, with Riley on my mind instead of John.

So, misled by my false statement, he kissed me. And instead of getting butterflies in my stomach and feeling fireworks, all I felt was like I was choking in my own despair.

As soon as I fully realized what was going on, I pulled away from John. It had been my first kiss, and it had been with John. Not Riley, but John. I felt dizzy and disconcerted.

“Lindsay?” John said, puzzled.

“John…”

And with that, I think he knew he shouldn’t have kissed me, but I ran away before he could say anything else. Riley was nowhere to be seen. I ran all the way to my car, and sat in the driver’s seat. I wanted to get out of there, but I didn’t know where to go, so I just leaned my head against the wheel and cried.