I Don't Think I'd Be Standing Here If I Never Found You
Tell me!
The next few days were… horrible. Obviously, Tanner and I made it home and I had to go through that whole jacked up sleep cycle again. I love seeing the world, but… this sucks!
To add to that, I’ve had to do so much testing. For that reason, I didn’t want to go to England with Tanner. But I am so very happy I did. Kirstie and I got to spend so much time together. It was awesome.
I knew once we got home though, Tanner and I wouldn’t have much time together. He has to do his thing. I have to do my thing. The only time we really have together now is when we first wake up in the morning and then at night before we go to bed. Not as romantic as all of those English times huh?
Today though, I got finished with everything a little early. I was hopeful that Tanner did too. I knew better. If he gets done with something, someone else is always pulling his leg to do something else. I worry about how busy he is sometimes. But it’s what he loves to do…
When I pulled into his driveway, I checked the mailbox. For some reason, I’ve been getting mail at his house since I’ve moved in. I haven’t changed my address to his residence yet. I don’t get it… but it happens. They’re mostly sponsor things anyway.
Once I was inside, I shuffled through the envelopes. Most of it was Tanner’s living expensive. Nothing for me. Just as the last envelopes came up, it really caught my attention…
California Department of Child Support Service.
Um… WHAT? Child support? Tanner… doesn’t have a child. Does he?
My mind was racing. I wanted to open it so badly. I was so close to doing it too. But I stopped myself. It can’t be Tanner’s. The mailman got it wrong. It’s probably the neighbor’s. Yeah… I’m pretty sure he’s devoiced and his wife has the kids.
I read the recipient's address. The first line read… Tanner Foust. Oh my gosh…
I was fuming. No. This has to be wrong. He doesn’t have a kid. He hasn’t told me! In the year that we’ve been together, he’s never mention anything about kids; having one or having any in the future.
This bothered me all day. My phone was in my hand, but I couldn’t bring myself to call him or even text him about this. But it still nearly drove me insane. What if he… hid this from me? Some child could be walking around that’s half of Tanner… and I had no idea. I’ve been in love with this man for a year… and I had no idea he had a child.
If he has a child that is. I may be getting way over my head. What if it’s just a typeo or something? I hope to God that’s what it is. If Tanner has a child and didn’t tell me…
I waited all night for him. His car finally pulled into the driveway around eleven that night. I didn’t move. I wanted to stay quiet, seeing what he did with the mail on the kitchen counter.
After I heard his car keys make contact with the garnet countertops, I quietly got to my feet, watching him as he shuffled through his mail. His pace was fast, but as he drew to the end, it slowed… greatly. He pulled that last envelope out and opened it, bringing out the contents. He scanned over the paper with no confusion in his eyes or anything. He was just reading, seeming to… accept what he was reading.
“What’s that?” I finally found my voice.
It seemed to startle him. He jumped back quickly, trying to hide the papers behind his back. A nervous smile came across his face, making my anger rise.
“Just… sponsor stuff. You know? Same old,” he muttered.
“No, it’s not,” I told him while shaking my head.
“It’s nothing you need to worry about, baby,” he countered, taking a few steps towards me to try and leave a kiss on my cheek, but I pushed him away.
“You have a kid,” I pushed out, feeling hurt swell up in my body.
“Ky, just let me explain…” he started up.
“What’s there to explain? You hid this from me,” I shot at him, letting my emotions show through.
“I know it wasn’t the smartest thing. But what was I supposed to do?” he threw back.
“Tell me!” I shouted.
“I didn’t want you to think that I was still in love with my ex,” he muttered.
“Well, it helps that you completely hid this from me,” I told him.
“I’m sorry,” he sighed.
“You can’t even tell me about it now!” I kept going, getting annoyed with him. I was so close to leaving.
“I have a daughter…” he started, making my heart nearly melt.
Tanner… has a daughter. Usually, I’d think this was cute. But I’m just finding out about all of this! How am I supposed to feel?
“Her name’s Addison and she’s five,” he added, keeping his eyes to the ground.
“Do you see her?” I countered, trying to control my attitude. It just wasn’t working though.
“Yeah. As much as I can with my schedule,” he replied. How did I not know about any of this?!
“Look, Kylee, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but...” he started up again, but I had had even tonight.
“I need some time,” I cut him off as I snatched my keys from the counter.
“Please, don’t leave,” he quickly responded while following me.
I didn’t stop though. I fell into my car as fast as I could, hoping he wouldn’t catch up to me. Once I was in the solitude of my vehicle, I started it and peeled out into the street. I didn’t look back; I couldn’t. He hid something so big from me… for our whole relationship. Who does that?
The thought of going home to my parents crossed my mind. It was late though. They would know that something was wrong. The last thing I wanted to do was worry them. Instead, I went back to my place. I haven’t been here in so long. The scent of dust hit me the second I stepped foot inside. This should be lovely breathing here tonight.
I ended up grabbing some blankets and a pillow and lying out on my balcony off of my room. There was a big comfy chair up there that made for a good bed. There was so much going on in my head that it was close to impossible to sleep.
What I wouldn’t give to be back in England right now. Everything was just fine there. I didn’t worry about anything. I didn’t know that there was a human walking this Earth that has half of Tanner’s DNA. But most of all, my sister’s there. I didn’t want to call her though. She’s finally ok with Tanner… and now this happens. But right now… I need her more than ever.
To add to that, I’ve had to do so much testing. For that reason, I didn’t want to go to England with Tanner. But I am so very happy I did. Kirstie and I got to spend so much time together. It was awesome.
I knew once we got home though, Tanner and I wouldn’t have much time together. He has to do his thing. I have to do my thing. The only time we really have together now is when we first wake up in the morning and then at night before we go to bed. Not as romantic as all of those English times huh?
Today though, I got finished with everything a little early. I was hopeful that Tanner did too. I knew better. If he gets done with something, someone else is always pulling his leg to do something else. I worry about how busy he is sometimes. But it’s what he loves to do…
When I pulled into his driveway, I checked the mailbox. For some reason, I’ve been getting mail at his house since I’ve moved in. I haven’t changed my address to his residence yet. I don’t get it… but it happens. They’re mostly sponsor things anyway.
Once I was inside, I shuffled through the envelopes. Most of it was Tanner’s living expensive. Nothing for me. Just as the last envelopes came up, it really caught my attention…
California Department of Child Support Service.
Um… WHAT? Child support? Tanner… doesn’t have a child. Does he?
My mind was racing. I wanted to open it so badly. I was so close to doing it too. But I stopped myself. It can’t be Tanner’s. The mailman got it wrong. It’s probably the neighbor’s. Yeah… I’m pretty sure he’s devoiced and his wife has the kids.
I read the recipient's address. The first line read… Tanner Foust. Oh my gosh…
I was fuming. No. This has to be wrong. He doesn’t have a kid. He hasn’t told me! In the year that we’ve been together, he’s never mention anything about kids; having one or having any in the future.
This bothered me all day. My phone was in my hand, but I couldn’t bring myself to call him or even text him about this. But it still nearly drove me insane. What if he… hid this from me? Some child could be walking around that’s half of Tanner… and I had no idea. I’ve been in love with this man for a year… and I had no idea he had a child.
If he has a child that is. I may be getting way over my head. What if it’s just a typeo or something? I hope to God that’s what it is. If Tanner has a child and didn’t tell me…
I waited all night for him. His car finally pulled into the driveway around eleven that night. I didn’t move. I wanted to stay quiet, seeing what he did with the mail on the kitchen counter.
After I heard his car keys make contact with the garnet countertops, I quietly got to my feet, watching him as he shuffled through his mail. His pace was fast, but as he drew to the end, it slowed… greatly. He pulled that last envelope out and opened it, bringing out the contents. He scanned over the paper with no confusion in his eyes or anything. He was just reading, seeming to… accept what he was reading.
“What’s that?” I finally found my voice.
It seemed to startle him. He jumped back quickly, trying to hide the papers behind his back. A nervous smile came across his face, making my anger rise.
“Just… sponsor stuff. You know? Same old,” he muttered.
“No, it’s not,” I told him while shaking my head.
“It’s nothing you need to worry about, baby,” he countered, taking a few steps towards me to try and leave a kiss on my cheek, but I pushed him away.
“You have a kid,” I pushed out, feeling hurt swell up in my body.
“Ky, just let me explain…” he started up.
“What’s there to explain? You hid this from me,” I shot at him, letting my emotions show through.
“I know it wasn’t the smartest thing. But what was I supposed to do?” he threw back.
“Tell me!” I shouted.
“I didn’t want you to think that I was still in love with my ex,” he muttered.
“Well, it helps that you completely hid this from me,” I told him.
“I’m sorry,” he sighed.
“You can’t even tell me about it now!” I kept going, getting annoyed with him. I was so close to leaving.
“I have a daughter…” he started, making my heart nearly melt.
Tanner… has a daughter. Usually, I’d think this was cute. But I’m just finding out about all of this! How am I supposed to feel?
“Her name’s Addison and she’s five,” he added, keeping his eyes to the ground.
“Do you see her?” I countered, trying to control my attitude. It just wasn’t working though.
“Yeah. As much as I can with my schedule,” he replied. How did I not know about any of this?!
“Look, Kylee, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but...” he started up again, but I had had even tonight.
“I need some time,” I cut him off as I snatched my keys from the counter.
“Please, don’t leave,” he quickly responded while following me.
I didn’t stop though. I fell into my car as fast as I could, hoping he wouldn’t catch up to me. Once I was in the solitude of my vehicle, I started it and peeled out into the street. I didn’t look back; I couldn’t. He hid something so big from me… for our whole relationship. Who does that?
The thought of going home to my parents crossed my mind. It was late though. They would know that something was wrong. The last thing I wanted to do was worry them. Instead, I went back to my place. I haven’t been here in so long. The scent of dust hit me the second I stepped foot inside. This should be lovely breathing here tonight.
I ended up grabbing some blankets and a pillow and lying out on my balcony off of my room. There was a big comfy chair up there that made for a good bed. There was so much going on in my head that it was close to impossible to sleep.
What I wouldn’t give to be back in England right now. Everything was just fine there. I didn’t worry about anything. I didn’t know that there was a human walking this Earth that has half of Tanner’s DNA. But most of all, my sister’s there. I didn’t want to call her though. She’s finally ok with Tanner… and now this happens. But right now… I need her more than ever.