I Don't Think I'd Be Standing Here If I Never Found You
That's... A Lot of You
Tanner and I are on the mend. We’re trying to work back to what we were. It hasn’t been the easiest, but we’re trying. I’m still staying at my place. We’ve been out on a few dates. It’s slowly coming around… I think. He hasn’t said anything else about his daughter. I wish he would, but… he just hasn’t. Hopefully, it come in time.
The McFly guys still haven’t kicked off their tour yet. Since I’ve been hanging out with my sister a lot, it means I’ve been hanging out with those four boys as well. They’re fun. There’s never a dull moment around any of them. It’s so comical.
Tom and I have actually hung out quite a bit. I’m trying to be a sponge and soak up all of his photography knowledge. I want to do it! Just in case the whole racing thing ever goes down hill I have something to fall back on. I think it’d be awesome. Even though my racing is looking pretty promising right now. But it’s not working out so well…
“Why do you make it seem so easy?” I groaned as the two of us were walking around, attempting to take good photos. Mine were turning out to be pretty… amateur looking.
“I’ve been doing this since the band started. It’ll come to you. Give it time,” he chuckled.
“I’m a racer. I don’t have much patients,” I countered.
“I’m sure there’s some there,” he countered, nudging me as we walked.
I just shook my head through a smile. The two of us continued to walked, snapping pictures every now and then. I don’t know if it was just me, but… I noticed a lot of guys out with their kids today… mostly daughters. And every time I saw this I just felt… weird. Apparently, it showed in my body language. Tom started asking questions.
“Everything ok?” he asked softly.
“I’m fine,” I told him quickly.
I didn’t look at him, but I could sense that he snapped his gaze to me. I haven’t told anyone but my family about Tanner. I just figured it wasn’t anybody’s business.
“Everything ok with… you and Tanner?” he asked gently.
“Never better,” I muttered.
“That’s convincing,” he chuckled.
I made a face, debating if I should tell him or not. I’m not one to trust people easily. Tanner kind of made that worse. But then… why did I have no problem letting Tom in on my love life?
“So, Tanner and I had been together for a little over a year. So obviously I love the guy and no unwanted drama has gone on,” I started.
“But…” Tom cut me off.
“He failed to mention that… he had a daughter,” I added through a sigh.
“Whoa,” he countered quickly.
“Yeah, I just found out last week,” I replied.
“So are you guys…” he trailed off, obviously unsure of how I felt about this.
“We’re trying to get back to where we were, but…” I finished with a shrug.
“This will only make you stronger, Ky,” Tom sent me a reassuring smile as his arm hooked around my shoulders.
“I hope so,” I huffed while we continued to walk.
After this, the two of us navigated our way back to my place. Tom said he had rehearsal to get to or he’d stick around. I’ve grown to… really like Tom’s company. He’s a sweetheart. But… my sweetheart lives a few blocks away… and I really wanted to see him.
I called him and asked what he was doing tonight. He said he was hanging out with Addy, but would top once he took her back to her mom’s. Why couldn’t he bring her? I want to meet her! I accepted it though… and waited for him.
During this time, I logged onto Tom’s photo site. I love his pictures! And I had no idea he had put the ones up from the other day! You know the ones with me in most of them? Yeah… there were there. They were cute, but… his fans visit this site!
I didn’t have time to call him and bug him about it. There was a knock on my door. A huge smile spread across my face as I hurried to the door. Once I opened it, a smiling Tanner was gazing back at me.
“Hey,” I beamed as he stepped inside, leaving a soft kiss on my cheek.
“I haven’t been here in a while,” he teased, looking around as if my house was something alien to him.
“It used to be your favorite place before I moved in with you,” I snickered, following him to the living room where he plopped down on the couch.
“What is this? Did you do a new sexy photo shoot?” he grinned, looking at my computer screen that was on the coffee table.
“No,” I laughed while sitting next to him. “I hung out with Kirstie and the McFly guys the other day. Tom’s really into photography, so he was just snapping randomly,” I told him while his little fingers scrolled through the pages.
“That’s… a lot of you,” he spoke up with a… different tone in his voice.
“I know… he was ticking me off,” I couldn’t help but giggle.
He stared at the screen for the longest time before shifting his gaze back to mine. Uh oh… Tanny don’t likey.
“That’s weird,” he mumbled.
“How?” I shot at him.
“Why would he post all of these on here?” he ran off with. Before I had the chance to answer, he started right back up again. “I think the better question is, why are you ok with this?”
“It’s Tom…” was my only excuse. It’s his… art. Why would I protest him sharing it?
“So is he your next guy now?” he threw back with no remorse.
“Why would you even say something like that to me?” I countered, feeling so much hurt from his words. Is he kidding me right now?!
“I’m just saying what it looks like,” he retorted.
“Well, it’s not like that. If there were something going on, I would tell you, because I’m not like you. I tell you everything,” implied, hoping I hit something that he had hit in me.
“Oh, so we’re going there?” he questioned, a sarcastic smirk coming across his face.
“It’s obvious the trust we had in each other is broken,” I huffed. The last thing I wanted was to argue with him. “I have no idea why your trust in me is broken, but…” I added.
“It’s thinks like this,” he got all worked up, motioning towards my laptop, “that make me not trust you. So any guy with a camera can come up to you and take pictures without you thinking any of it?” he shouted now.
I didn’t want to hear it. He, of all people, is going to call me out on keeping something from him. He really has a lot of room to talk. Before I let my mouth get ahead of myself, I got to my feet and walked to the door. I opened it and motioned for him to walk out of it. I smiled at him as best as I could with the way my blood was boiling right now and then slammed the door behind him.
I honestly couldn’t believe that happened. I’m in love with that guy. Or thought I was anyway… And he has the nerve to come here and start all of this? Over pictures? I want him back in my life, but… not if he’s going to blow up at little things like this.
The McFly guys still haven’t kicked off their tour yet. Since I’ve been hanging out with my sister a lot, it means I’ve been hanging out with those four boys as well. They’re fun. There’s never a dull moment around any of them. It’s so comical.
Tom and I have actually hung out quite a bit. I’m trying to be a sponge and soak up all of his photography knowledge. I want to do it! Just in case the whole racing thing ever goes down hill I have something to fall back on. I think it’d be awesome. Even though my racing is looking pretty promising right now. But it’s not working out so well…
“Why do you make it seem so easy?” I groaned as the two of us were walking around, attempting to take good photos. Mine were turning out to be pretty… amateur looking.
“I’ve been doing this since the band started. It’ll come to you. Give it time,” he chuckled.
“I’m a racer. I don’t have much patients,” I countered.
“I’m sure there’s some there,” he countered, nudging me as we walked.
I just shook my head through a smile. The two of us continued to walked, snapping pictures every now and then. I don’t know if it was just me, but… I noticed a lot of guys out with their kids today… mostly daughters. And every time I saw this I just felt… weird. Apparently, it showed in my body language. Tom started asking questions.
“Everything ok?” he asked softly.
“I’m fine,” I told him quickly.
I didn’t look at him, but I could sense that he snapped his gaze to me. I haven’t told anyone but my family about Tanner. I just figured it wasn’t anybody’s business.
“Everything ok with… you and Tanner?” he asked gently.
“Never better,” I muttered.
“That’s convincing,” he chuckled.
I made a face, debating if I should tell him or not. I’m not one to trust people easily. Tanner kind of made that worse. But then… why did I have no problem letting Tom in on my love life?
“So, Tanner and I had been together for a little over a year. So obviously I love the guy and no unwanted drama has gone on,” I started.
“But…” Tom cut me off.
“He failed to mention that… he had a daughter,” I added through a sigh.
“Whoa,” he countered quickly.
“Yeah, I just found out last week,” I replied.
“So are you guys…” he trailed off, obviously unsure of how I felt about this.
“We’re trying to get back to where we were, but…” I finished with a shrug.
“This will only make you stronger, Ky,” Tom sent me a reassuring smile as his arm hooked around my shoulders.
“I hope so,” I huffed while we continued to walk.
After this, the two of us navigated our way back to my place. Tom said he had rehearsal to get to or he’d stick around. I’ve grown to… really like Tom’s company. He’s a sweetheart. But… my sweetheart lives a few blocks away… and I really wanted to see him.
I called him and asked what he was doing tonight. He said he was hanging out with Addy, but would top once he took her back to her mom’s. Why couldn’t he bring her? I want to meet her! I accepted it though… and waited for him.
During this time, I logged onto Tom’s photo site. I love his pictures! And I had no idea he had put the ones up from the other day! You know the ones with me in most of them? Yeah… there were there. They were cute, but… his fans visit this site!
I didn’t have time to call him and bug him about it. There was a knock on my door. A huge smile spread across my face as I hurried to the door. Once I opened it, a smiling Tanner was gazing back at me.
“Hey,” I beamed as he stepped inside, leaving a soft kiss on my cheek.
“I haven’t been here in a while,” he teased, looking around as if my house was something alien to him.
“It used to be your favorite place before I moved in with you,” I snickered, following him to the living room where he plopped down on the couch.
“What is this? Did you do a new sexy photo shoot?” he grinned, looking at my computer screen that was on the coffee table.
“No,” I laughed while sitting next to him. “I hung out with Kirstie and the McFly guys the other day. Tom’s really into photography, so he was just snapping randomly,” I told him while his little fingers scrolled through the pages.
“That’s… a lot of you,” he spoke up with a… different tone in his voice.
“I know… he was ticking me off,” I couldn’t help but giggle.
He stared at the screen for the longest time before shifting his gaze back to mine. Uh oh… Tanny don’t likey.
“That’s weird,” he mumbled.
“How?” I shot at him.
“Why would he post all of these on here?” he ran off with. Before I had the chance to answer, he started right back up again. “I think the better question is, why are you ok with this?”
“It’s Tom…” was my only excuse. It’s his… art. Why would I protest him sharing it?
“So is he your next guy now?” he threw back with no remorse.
“Why would you even say something like that to me?” I countered, feeling so much hurt from his words. Is he kidding me right now?!
“I’m just saying what it looks like,” he retorted.
“Well, it’s not like that. If there were something going on, I would tell you, because I’m not like you. I tell you everything,” implied, hoping I hit something that he had hit in me.
“Oh, so we’re going there?” he questioned, a sarcastic smirk coming across his face.
“It’s obvious the trust we had in each other is broken,” I huffed. The last thing I wanted was to argue with him. “I have no idea why your trust in me is broken, but…” I added.
“It’s thinks like this,” he got all worked up, motioning towards my laptop, “that make me not trust you. So any guy with a camera can come up to you and take pictures without you thinking any of it?” he shouted now.
I didn’t want to hear it. He, of all people, is going to call me out on keeping something from him. He really has a lot of room to talk. Before I let my mouth get ahead of myself, I got to my feet and walked to the door. I opened it and motioned for him to walk out of it. I smiled at him as best as I could with the way my blood was boiling right now and then slammed the door behind him.
I honestly couldn’t believe that happened. I’m in love with that guy. Or thought I was anyway… And he has the nerve to come here and start all of this? Over pictures? I want him back in my life, but… not if he’s going to blow up at little things like this.