I Don't Think I'd Be Standing Here If I Never Found You

That stupid conversation with Kirstie got me thinking way too much! That night, I spent the remainder of it… going through pictures of Tanner and I. I totally forgot how many memories we shared together; happy memories.

I really don’t know if I should be with Tom right now…

Shortly after Kirstie left, Tanner called again… and I answered. I quickly found out that he wasn’t as emotionally stable as I thought he’d be. He flat out told me that he missed me… and I missed him.

By the end of our conversation, it was pretty clear that the both of us wanted to be with each other. There was just one little thing that slipped my mind as we said our goodbyes.

I’m Tom Fletcher’s girlfriend!

That thought just killed my high. I… had to break up with him. I just had so many happy thoughts in my head and now… I have to do something that’s so sucky. But I had to.

Tom’s a great guy. He really is. I just feel like we kind of… rushed into things. He just made me smile and forget about Tanner. At the time, that’s all I wanted. But now, I just wanted the guy that I’m in love with back. And right now I got that… I just have to break it off with Tom. This should go wonderfully.

I gave myself a few minutes to go over what I would say to him before I pressed the phone to my ear. Don’t worry. I wasn’t going to do this over the phone. I’m not that heartless!

Once he said he’d be here, I started pacing. Yes, I started pacing! I was suddenly nervous. I don’t want to hurt Tom. But I wanted to be happy. In order to do that, I may have to hurt an insanely good guy. It had to be done though. There’s just no way around it.

When he finally got here, I greeted him like I usually would. A hug, kiss on the cheek. Nothing too out of the norm before I led him to the living room. We each sat on the couch with a little distance between us.

“Are you ok?” Tom asked softly, sensing that there was something I needed to say.

“I just need to talk to you,” I spoke up, trying to keep my tone calm.

“I’m listening,” he replied, looking at me sideways.

All of the words I head planned out in my head quickly left. I’m not so sure about this anymore.

“So um… I’ve been thinking about us a lot lately,” I came up with, BS-ing my way into this.

“I have a feeling it’s a bad thing,” he butted in.

“Well…” I trailed off, unsure of what to say next. So I took the direct approach and just told him the truth.

“I can’t get over Tanner,” I pushed out.

The second that name passed through my lips, hurt filled Tom’s eyes. No! I didn’t want that! I didn’t want to hurt him. We haven’t been together that long. There can’t be too many strong feelings.

“So you guys are… going to get back together?” he spoke softly.

“It’s… looking like it,” I told him honestly.

He stared back at me for a few seconds as if debating if he believed me or not. I wished this panned out better, but… Tom and I were never going to be where Tanner and I were, especially with the way I was still caught up in Tanner.

“Well, have a good life,” he finally said as he pushed himself to his feet.

“Tom, it has nothing to do with you,” I was quick to react, following him towards the door.

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t even turn to look back at me. He walked straight through the front door and slammed it shut.

Once he was gone, a slight relief came over me. Well, that was done. I hated how it happened, but… I needed to be with Tanner. He has my heart. No matter what he’s done, I still love him… and I know I’m never going to stop.