I Don't Think I'd Be Standing Here If I Never Found You

I really took Ky’s words to heart and I need to figure out what to do with my life and where I’m going. I was missing Harry a lot though so I talked to him through skype that night when I got home and told him about this.

“I just feel like I’m not going anywhere,” I vented.

“If you’re doing what you love though, why does it matter?” Harry questioned.

“All I do is mix music, that’s it. I mean, I don’t see how that’s real successful and I don’t know if it’s what I love,” I sighed.

“Maybe you need to try to find out what you love,” He suggested.

“I wish it could just be like it was when I was a teenager and I just played my guitar all the time and hung out,” I chuckled while running my fingers through my hair.

“As long as you’re you, I’m perfectly happy,” Harry cutely said while resting his chin on his hands and smiling at me.

“I love you,” I told him.

“I love you too baby,” He replied. “Hey, do you want to do something in fashion? You love artsy stuff like that and you always help us pick out our clothes.”

“I love it but I don’t think I’m good enough to do that,” I honestly said. “Sure I like it for me and for people I feel giving my honest opinion too but not someone else as much.”

“Alright, well maybe something still in the music industry, just different,” He went on. “Like maybe… a music writer?”

“Naw, I’m not good enough to do that,” I shrugged it off, feeling more defeated by the minute. “I’m just not good enough to be anything great.”

“Yes you are, you have such a great ear for music and you can hear something and figure out what needs to be fixed or what it needs. Not even a lot of music writers can do that,” Harry encouraged me.

“I just don’t know Harry,” I sighed while rubbing my hands on my face. “Maybe I just need to make a time machine and go back to being a kid and try to be a rally driver.”

“Kirstie, don’t try to be something that you’re not,” He softly said.

“But right now I feel like I don’t even know who I am,” I whispered as tears bubbled in my eyes.

“You’re Kirsten Callahan who is the most gorgeous girl in the world. You’re fun, incredibly sensitive toward other people, caring, creative, and you have the uncanny knack to make people confortable and feel like they’ve known you forever. You are talented in your own special way and you’re sparkly and unique in the best sense of the word. I love the person you are and it breaks my heart to see that you don’t see how truly amazing you are,” Harry said to me.

“Thanks Harry, I love you so much,” I replied.

“I love you too,” He smiled. “And I know you’ll find something you want to do.”

We exchanged a few more words before Danny came over and started bugging Harry and being weird which made me laugh quite a bit. Then Tom heard that I was bumming and the boys decided to play me a song and it made me happy but a little bit sad too. They’re so good at that and it can stir such emotion in people but I can’t do that.

After I finished skyping with them, I went online and tried to look up different things that I could do. I love creative things and it’d be great to be able to mix music and art but I doubt there’d be anything like that so I shifted over to some fashion websites and I found an opportunity to work for a photographer. I’d be picking out the clothes for models to wear for the various companies the photographer was doing the shoot for and I thought it sounded good so I sent her an email and got a response immediately that I could come for an interview. Maybe this will be the thing that helps me get somewhere in life.