Forelsket.

It seemed that, by the time Lindsay, Tim and I arrived at Jared's house, they had forgotten I was even along for the ride.

Tim was sweet though – he made Lindsay wait while he got out, ran to her side of the car and opened the door up for her. She giggled as he held out his hand for her to take, with this large smile on his face, that closely resembled Pat’s smile (if I could recall it correctly). There was a light pink color which graced her cheeks as she slipped her hand into his and was pulled up to him. I couldn’t help but watch as he tugged her into his chest and gave her a quick peck on the lips. I smiled a bit, to myself, before stepping out of the car, both of their bags in my hands. It seemed I wasn’t the only thing forgotten.

I walked behind them, biting my lip and watching their linked hands swing slightly as they walked up to Jared's door. And – not even with a warning knock – Tim casually turned the door knob and strode into the house, gently pulling Lindsay with him. As I walk through the doors, I hear a cheer from - what I remembered to be – Jared's living room. I snapped my head in the direction, catching a glimpse of Tim giving out high fives, and being pulled to the ground by a hug from his brother, whom he laughingly responded to with a: get the fuck off.

I closed the door gently behind me, locked it just because and set our bags down by the rest of them. When I peered into the living room again, my nerves attacked me. My heart rate began to speed up, my body grew hot. I was perfectly content, I thought, sitting out here, watching friends have fun than to be included in it. They didn’t seem to notice my lurking eyes until Jared looked at Lindsay, his hair bobbing with the action.

“Hey, I thought you were bringing Liese.” Lindsay rolled her eyes, and looked up at me, pointing. I hated it when people did that. It only took that simple action for the room to go quiet, and their stares to burn thought every fiber of me. I blushed – probably too much – and looked at Jared. He smiled warmly. And then it seemed to be over – they all turned back to each other, began conversations. I looked down, bit my lip harder.

I didn’t understand why Jared would want me here, knowing how I am around people. I was stuck in a room full of life-long friends, it seemed. They were established: comfortable around each other and then, there was me.

I never should have come.

Next thing I know, I’m staring at a pair of black socks, so I looked up, coming face to face with Jared.

“Come, I’ll introduce you to everyone.” I looked behind his shoulder to all the people again and back at him – I shook my head.

“I met them already,” I reminded. Jared laughed.

“Liese, with that attitude, you’re never going to make friends or have a life for that matter. Come on. Nothing bad will happen. Besides, there’re some new faces.” Like that was comforting. But I nodded anyways, flashed a small, fake smile and followed Jared the couple of feet to the living room. He stood beside me as he pointed to a boy that was sitting beside the lead-singer of Jared's band.

“Eric.” He said, then pointed to the girl beside Garrett. “Kai.” I nodded and stayed close to Jared – he was tall, big, what-have-you. He was a good shield. But I hated feeling like a complete baby all the time. Kai, who seemed to notice she was being introduced, sent me a smile and a wave. I didn’t want to be rude – I forced my shaking hand up and did a small, fast, wave before dropping my hand to my side.

“This is Annaliese,” Jared shouted, “And don’t touch her. She hates it and will die.” Everyone kind of chuckled, and my sister was heard confirming Jared by saying ‘it’s true’. They kind of just dropped it after that, and I found myself sitting next to Lindsay, my other safety blanket. I stared intently at the carpet, slowly drowning out the noise happening all around me. I felt as though I were a fly on the wall – watching, but not included. Watching – but not noticed. I didn’t really mind it – it’s just that, it was uncomfortable for me to be in a room filled with people I didn’t know, even if their attention was on anything but me.

The only thing I heard minutes later was a loud thud, and it made me jump. I looked up to see the lanky, tall lead-singer standing close to the couch, one knee on it and a glare on his face. From my spot on the floor, I could see both sides of the couch. The people around me burst into laughter at the interaction – Jared being pushed off the ledge of the couch by the lead-singer. Even Jared himself was laughing and he sat himself up and rubbed his head, still chuckling.

“No, no, John,” he laughed. John. Lead singer is John. “I really think everyone needs to heard this.”

“No. The story is not going to be told.” John said, angry face still there. But amused, none the less. I found myself smiling at them as they fought.

“If you don’t tell the story, I definitely will.”

“I’ll kill you,” John laughed. Jared just smiled before he opened his mouth to speak.

“The first time I ever met John was in, like, sixth grade. And he was in. – “

“No!” John shouted, “Alright, I’ll tell the fuckin’ story. It happened to me! He wasn’t even in my class.” Jared just shook his head.

“We were in gym class, okay?” John chuckled, “And I was really fuckin’ short back then, and this other guy and me decided to play leap frog. But I fucked up when I jumped over him and fell on my arm. I swear I broke it – it hurt so much. So, like…I passed out right? And, I don’t know if you guys know, but when you pass out, you don’t really have control of bodily functions.” Jared’s booming laugh sounded through-out the room, and it was one of those contagious laughter's, and everyone laughed with him. When I looked at John, his face was slightly reddened.

“Anyway!” He shouted, to gain back the attention. “I woke up and I was like – we were sitting on a slope. I was peeing, and there was, like, six people in front of me and they were all, ‘what the fuck? – What is that?!’ and we were all in this line and then some girl shouted, ‘oh my god! He’s fuckin’ peein’ man!’ and I was just sitting there, all dazed and confused, like: …what the fucks going on? And, you know…People don’t forget.” John glared at Jared again, chuckling a rather specific chuckle. Another round of laughter circled the room – loud and hard, Lindsay clutched her stomach and swayed into Tim's side. I chuckled – the sensation of it feeling odd in my throat.

The laughter took minutes to die down and when Jared had actually caught his breath, he stood up from the floor and said one simple word that sent everybody into some kind of frenzy.

“Beer.” The six boys threw their hands up, shouting affirming noises. I nearly cringed – they were that loud. I watched as Jared walked out of the room, and when he wasn’t in my view anymore, I turned around to study the room. I caught Kai’s eye and she rolled them at me – but not in the ‘you suck’ kind of way, more like ‘these guys are idiots’ way, and I smiled. I had to thank God that, among all the things that I have lost, I hadn’t lost my sense of humor.

Whatever kind of quietness had washed over the room was swept away the moment Jared stepped back into view with two cases of beer. I found myself wondering where he got it and how – since he wasn’t twenty-one yet. No one else seemed to care, especially John, who hopped over the back of the couch and raced over to Jared to take a case, set it on the counter and rip it open. Pretty soon, everyone stood from their spots and took a beer. Except me.

I had resorted to biting my lip and trying to blend in with the flooring. And I supposed it worked. None of them seemed to notice me, sitting there.

“Beer Pong!” Garrett shouted, and another round of cheers were heard. I scrunched up my face as I watched them set up their game, and, as their backs turned to me, I stood from my position on the floor and tip-toed out of the living room, toward the sliding door. The only thing that makes me more nervous than people were drunk people. And, while I couldn’t blame Jared for wanting to have fun or inviting me here, I sincerely wanted to. He was only trying to be nice – to get me to be a normal person. I’m sure he didn’t even realize or think what he was doing was wrong. For me, that is.

I slowly opened the sliding door, stepping out onto the patio and sliding the door shut behind me, not looking back. I looked around his backyard – it was fairly large, the grass was astoundingly healthy-looking, even in the night. I sighed, walking over to the shadowed part of the backyard, against the shed, and let myself slide down to sit on the grass. I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapped my arms around my legs and stared up at the uniquely colored sky.

Nothing had changed – whether I’m here or at my own house, I’m doing the same exact thing. Nothing. And I was still doing that alone. I can’t say I minded much, because I didn’t. I was comforted by the barier between me, and the drunk people – people in general. And being at Jared’s served one good perk, anyways. I was away from Grandfather, and his nickname for me, and his stare, and his touch. And his illness. It was good to sit there, in Jared's backyard. Completely free from everything that weighed me down. I could breathe out here.

It was wonderfully calming, and would have remained as so, if the screeching of the sliding door being pulled open didn’t send me into a standing position. The lanky figure came stumbling out, laughing, beer still in hand. And I don’t know how he didn’t drop it, how the liquid didn’t spill over the edge. His hand seemed like a chickens head. How you can move the entire chicken, but the head will stay in one place.

“Where’re you going, Johno?” Someone yelled.

“God, Halvo. Get off my dick,” John laughed. Then, “I just need to cool down, man.”

I, then, heard someone yell, “Fuck!” And people laughing.

I watched John stumble around outside for a bit more before I stepped out from under the shed, and began to walk inside. I wanted to be no where near a drunk boy. I was in the mindset that, if I had carefully moved around him, he wouldn’t notice. But, he’s not a bat, as I seemed to assume. And Alcohol does not make you into one. As soon as he saw my figure, his expression turned scared. Eyes wide, head set into his neck, hand leaped onto his chest. I paused. Halted my movements. Waited.

“Holy fuck,” He said, placing a hand over his heart, “Are you crazy? Why the hell are you lurking in the shadows?” His breath was a relieved one, and he let his hand slowly fall from his chest. I began to laugh at him. It started off slow, but eventually, it had turned out into a real laugh. Something that had hurt my stomach, that I had started to clutch. I was vaguely aware of his laughter mixing in with mine. I hadn’t laughed like this in a while, and I had missed it, I realized.

“Sorry,” I smiled, after we had settled down. He grinned at me, took a swing of his beer.

“Hey, whatever,” he laughed. “Why aren’t you playing?” I shrugged.

“People intimidate me, I guess.”

“Oh jeeze!” He exclaimed. “You’re shy. So am I, and so is Garrett – a whole fucking lot of us in there are shy.” I shrugged again.

“You don’t seem that shy.”

“Ahh,” He grinned, holding up his beer. “That is the wonder of alcohol. Come play!” I shook my head. And he put his weight on one leg, looked at me funny. “Well then, I’ll play for you. Just come inside, be with people!” I laughed at his girly stance, and he stood aside from the door, hands motioning to the inside of the house.

“After you.” And, even though it was hesitant, I moved passed him to step into the house.

By that point, I was almost convinced that, no one who pees his pants in seventh grade could be a real threat.