Complicated.

"Cai.." he whispered slowly but I just kept my gaze on him, not saying a word. I wanted to shout and scream at him that he had no right to just come back and think that everything's gonna be alright with a simple 'I'm sorry'. I wanted to pound my fist on his chest making him feel the pain that I endured when he left me, not that it would be enough. But I didn't, I won't and I can't, I love him too much to even think about hurting him really.

He can leave me and hurt me all he want and I'd still love him with all my heart. Not that whatever happened between us these past two years was his fault, but he could have done something. It was the perfect time when we could have realized all our dreams of being together and living together and finally be a couple but he passed up that chance. And now here we are, miserable at best.

He shifted and pulled away from me as he sat on my bed, I couldn't help the hurt that etched my face and I know that he saw it for he gasped slightly and took me in his arms again making me sit on his lap in the process.

"I'm so sorry baby" he hummed softly in my ear, he pulled away and look up at me. "I didn't mean to hurt you Cai" he whispered, almost afraid to break the silence as he wipe away the tears that I didn't notice was now free falling on my cheeks.

I was still silent, I haven't spoken not because I didn't forgive him because I did the moment he came at my door, I haven't broken my silence not because I was angry at him, I may be at first but I can't stay mad at him as I said I love him too much. I was silent because I couldn't find my voice, I couldn't find the right words to say, I don't know what I should do.

All my life I was told what to do and what I shouldn't, I was my parents puppet, the perfect son that they've always wanted and that they could boast about.

Abe was the only person who have considered my opinion and thoughts on things. He's the only person who truly cared about my feelings, what I want, what I needed. He's the only one who respected me whenever I say no, he's actually the one who told me that it's okay to say no. He's the only one who truly means it when he say, "I understand". He's the one who told me that I'm my own person and that no one should tell me how to live my life. That's when I realized that I was in love with him.

It was me who took the first step. It was me who kissed him. It was me who made him question his identity. I'm the one who broke his hard cold shell. And I regret nothing.

If there's one thing that if I could I'd change though, I would have saved him from all the pain he got from our parents. I should have stood up for him, but he wouldn't let me for he took all the blame. I loved him more.

I noticed that I spaced out, when I felt his grip on my waist tightened. I forgot that he's actually here and that he was apologizing to me. I got so caught up in my own thoughts but they were all about him too. He'd always say that I'm always in over my head and that's a bit dangerous, I always laughed at him but he kept a serious face whenever, so I let it drop.

"I'm sorry." he whispered again as he placed a soft kiss on my temple.

I hummed softly, letting him know that I have acknowledge what he said but I was still in no mood to talk. I just want to hold him and be held by him, it had been so long. It was a heavenly feeling that made my tense muscles relax, before I knew it my heavy eyelids closed and I fell asleep in his arms.