In the End

Waking up from her restless night of sleep Alicia rolled over in bed and stared at the wall. She wasn't ready to face the day. She wanted to go back to sleep. She didn't want to face the other kids at school. She would rather sit at home and think about why the world was the way it was. She hated that no one cared and she often wondered if people would care if she died.

Alicia got out of bed and went to the bathroom, she showered and after she was done she wrapped her towel around her body and sat down on the floor. She picked up the loose razor blade she kept under the bathroom sink and held it in her hand. She had cut before and she didn't hesitate to do it again. Placing the blade close to her wrist she pressed down and slowly slid the blade across her skin. She watched the blood start to flow slowly and she smiled. She didn't feel the pain.

She made one more stroke across her wrist again before wiping the blade off and putting it back under the sink. She never cut deep enough to catch a vein but she wanted to at times. She stood up and pulled on her clothes. A pair of black jeans, sneakers, and then she pulled on a white t-shirt, with her hoodie over it. She pulled her auburn hair up into a messy hair pony. Grabbing her back pack and keys she left the house.

She looked around as she stepped onto the sidewalk in front of her house. She sighed and began the walk to school. She didn't have many friends and she wondered everyday what would happen if she died. Would they care? Would they even notice that she wasn't there? As she walked she saw all the "Popular" kids pass by in their cars. They pointed and laughed like they always did. Shaking her head Alicia continued to school.About halfway there she caught up with Amber and Missy. They said hi to her but that was about it. They continued talking about whatever it was they were talking about. Alicia walked with them not saying a word. It hurt her inside that even her friends ignored her. Every time she would try to speak they would tell her that she didn't know what she was talking about.

When they got to the school she said good-bye to her friends and walked to her first class. Taking a seat at the back she took out what she would need and waited for the bell to ring. She was a straight A student and her parents thought that there was nothing wrong with her. She was quiet in school but when she was called upon to answer a question she did so. She didn't get into fights. She was the good girl. The one that nobody had problems with.

The day went by slowly for Alicia. She wasn't herself. When a teacher asked her to answer a question she just shrugged and went back to writing in her notebook. The teachers all just thought it was a phase so they didn't question it. By lunch time Alicia was ready to go home. She stood in line waiting and finally after paying for her meal she looked around. She was shocked when her friends walked past her calling her a freak. She took her tray to the bathroom with her and ate there. She spent the rest of the lunch period crying. She left the school when the bell rang, signaling the end of the period.

Alicia ran home. She left her bag at school and all of her books. She knew no one cared that she had left school. They wouldn't even notice that she was missing. When she got home she took the keys out of her pocket and unlocked the front door. She ran upstairs to her bedroom and ripped her hoodie off. She looked at the still fresh wounds she had inflicted upon herself that morning and let a single tear fall. She sat down at the desk in her room and logged onto her computer. Opening a fresh document she began to type. Once she finished she printed the paper and signed her name to it. She heard her mom come home, and come up the stairs. She placed the paper face down on the desk and crawled into bed.

Her mother asked her why she was home from school and she told her she felt sick. Alicia's mother believed her and went downstairs. Alicia grabbed the paper and went to the bathroom. She got the blade out from under the sink once again. She sat on the floor leaning her back against the wall and looking at the letter she had just written she sighed. Taking the blade she once more placed it against her skin. This time she pressed down and made sure that she would cut across a main vein. She closed her eyes and pulled the blade quickly across her wrist. She felt the warm blood spill across her skin. She switched the hand that the blade was in and did the same with her other wrist.

She began to silently cry to herself. The blood was spilling faster and there was nothing anyone could do it was already too late. All the things people had said came rushing back to her. The hateful words, the looks she got. It was over now and nothing could change what she had just done. Slowly she lost consciousness. Her body went limp and the blade fell from her hand to land on top of the paper.

I am dying inside and no one can see it. I am tired of the way they look at me. Everyone told me I was perfect but they couldn't see. That I was hurting to be me. My friends have abandoned me and my life is a mess. You say I'm perfect I say I'm hurting. I wonder everyday if anyone notices the change. I have cut before and nobody has noticed the pain I feel. I have tried too hard to please everyone. I am tired of being what everyone wants me to be. Everyday I wonder what would people do if I was gone? Would anyone miss me? Would they even care. I sit her crying the last of my tears and you don't even know I am hurting inside. You don't even see that I am dying.

You ask me what is wrong and then you don't listen when I try to tell you. Would you listen if I slit my wrists and died? Would you listen then? Well we are about to find out. Too bad I won't be around to hear the answer. Alicia