Bleeding Tears, Crying Blood

I was sitting on the crumbling pillars, swinging my legs, when White came to me. He stirred but I didn’t notice. My focus was completely set on the weird sensation within my body. For the last four days I had been doing as Cian instructed. While he didn’t part from any more information about what I was, I did find him a little more open and always tried to help me figure out my Matter. He seemed pleased with my progress while I was not. It had only been yesterday when I felt the weird energy within me. It felt strange and foreign, the vampire side of me shying away from it and not wanting to touch it. But I forced myself to recognise it and slowly move it about. So far I had managed to get it to strengthen my sight a little, which was something I quickly decided to not do around bright places. With senses already stronger than any human, every in the world appeared sharp and bright, almost blinding. I had to stop after a few seconds. The moonlight was much too strong for my eyes, causing them to burn. So tonight, instead of playing with my senses and possibly causes myself harm, I decided to try and reinforce my body with Matter, to feel it bulking up my muscles and strengthening my bones. So far it wasn’t working as well as I thought and found it harder than heightening my senses.

White was sitting next to me, staring up at me with interest, then coughed loudly. I jumped slightly, my legs instantly freezing in their flailing, and my eyes snapped to White. I smiled in welcome.

“Good evening, Alma.” White said.

“Good evening, White.” I replied and went back to swinging my legs and fiddling with the Matter. At least I tried to. Focusing was harder now I knew he was there.

“How is your training going?” He asked.

While he didn’t know the specifics of it and what Cian was going to teach me in the future, he did know I was currently trying to gain some sort of grasp over the Matter. “Not so good.” I mumbled.

White titled his head. “How so?”

“Controlling Matter is hard. I can barely feel it still and it does not build up well in my body.” I replied.

“Cian never said it would be.” His eyes softened at the sight of my frown and ghostly fingers swept over my cheek. “You’re learning what you should have learnt when you were five, alongside how to run and sense danger. It took you years to learn the basics of survival. You cannot expect to master your Matter in only a few days.”

I bit my lip, taking comfort from his words and the sensation of his hand. He was right. As a young girl my parents and cousins had taught me how to run, how to see danger and avoid it. I was clumsy and it wasn’t until I was eleven that I could run smoothly, without tripping over myself or miscalculating jumps and distances. But I wanted to master the Matter quickly. As soon as I did, Cian would let me learn the shapes and then progress onto merging them in battle. And I didn’t have the time to go at a slow pace. Cian was a secret for now but I did not know for how long. I also did not know how long I had here until father called me back. I needed Cian to teach me everything quickly before we became separated and that meant I had to master everything rapidly.

I groaned and let my legs become still. I leaned forward onto my elbows, digging them into my legs while my hands cupped my face. My gaze latched onto Leroy below. He had made sure he was here every night since my awakening. He said he wanted to get as much as the garden done before I left but I knew he was worried for me. He wanted to make sure I was content with the way things are now.

In all honesty, I was. I did not feel much different to how I was. I ate and slept and read. The only thing that I was struggling to be without was the sun. I always enjoying walking in the sun and watching dawn come. But now my body become leaden at dawn, rendering me unconscious. For the last five days I had not seen a glimpse of daylight and I was sorely missing it, longing to feels the warmth of day. That longing strengthened when I woke this evening. I had realised that I would never see daylight ever again for as long as I lived.

White peered down and instantly a faint hiss echoed from his true self. “He’s still here?”

I glanced at White. “You sound surprised. Leroy has never given the impression he would stop coming over.”

A growl rumbled but he remained silent, sulking a little as he scowled down at Leroy. His focus swiftly latched onto someone else who trundled from the gloom of the house, carrying a tray. White’s head titled and his rage fizzled away.

“How about Kenny?”

My mouth frowned and my brow wrinkled. He had come over three days ago, wondering if I was well and how I was coping. He had been his normal happy self but I had been unnerved. Every inch of him screamed Old World. At first I was confused. I wondered if he had woken up or something but I quickly remembered what Cian said, that a dhampir could sense an immortal, no matter how hard they tried to hide. Because of my awakening, I knew for certain that he was an immortal now.

“I spoke to Wolfram and he still said Kenny felt human.”

“Does he accept your word?”

“He does.” I said faintly. “He said he would look into Kenny’s family and past. He’ll try and find out what he is.”

“And who.” White grumbled.

I stared down at Kenny as he passed a cup to Leroy. He waved up at me, asking if I wanted some. I declined and he returned to leaning on the wall, laughing with Leroy as he observed his friend work. He appeared so normal that it made me doubt my senses.

“I fear for him a little.” I murmured, watching them below, forgetting about my Matter.

“For who?” White asked, settling himself next to me.

“Kenny. I spoke to him about the Old World, his lack of surprise, his ease of fitting in and what I sense from him. He seemed uneasy and he didn’t appear to be convinced at all when he said who he was. He sounded lost and confused.”

“Do you think his memories are forgotten?” White questioned.

“It would explain his ease with what he has seen and been told but not why no one can sense his immortality.”

“The scenario of him being adopted and raised by humans wouldn’t answer those questions either.” White sighed and scratched his ear. “There have been some cases of immortals forgetting themselves and losing their essence, but they are very rare.”

“So he could not be one of those cases?”

“He could be.”

I glanced at him. “You doubt it though.”

“So do you.”

I hummed in admittance and returned my gaze to Kenny. “He scowls at me sometimes, White, as if he hates the very air I breathe. He sometimes speaks as if he is knowledgeable of the world, like an old man.” I paused. “Do you think he might be a Jaguar and had hatred for vampires in his past life?”

White shook his head. “He is too old, Alma. Jaguars remember at the exact age of twenty and can never doubt who they are before then. It is a defensive mechanism. To ensure they live until they are mature and strong, they must smother their human nature and forget their past lives and knowledge. Once they remember, it’s as if they never died. All that their true parents taught them is remembered.” He looked up at me. “He can’t be a jaguar if he doubts who he is or if memories are leaking through.”

“Then who and what is he?” I murmured.

“I don’t know, Alma, but I’ll ask around. I’ll see if I can dig up anything at the Domain. In the meantime, keep your distance of him.”

I frowned. “He has never felt he meant harm.” I said falteringly as I remembered the hate filled gaze I sometimes received from him.

“Even so, keep your distance. He is an enigma and enigmas are usually very dangerous.”

I nodded obediently. White hummed in approval.

“I shall go now and see what I can find.” White said.

I frowned, sad he was leaving me, and bent down to kiss his head. “Will you be back soon?”

“I will be, hopefully with some information about Kenny. There must be similar cases in the past.” He stared up at me, his eyeless gaze fixated on my face. “I’ll be back soon. Stay out of trouble.”

“I will.” I promised and smiled warmly at him, which quickly vanished when I felt lips brush against my cheek and mouth. My face grew red as White fled, leaving his skin behind and my mind awash with embarrassment and joy. I was hoping I could focus on my Matter after he left but I found my mind wandering often, wondering why he had given me such an affectionate farewell and remembering the last time I had visited him, the warmth of his embrace and largeness of his hands. I grumbled at White. Having him distract me so easily was not helping with my training.

Eventually I gave up and instead focused my attention on Leroy when he called to me, asking me for my opinion. I gave Kenny a wary look as he grinned up at me before I let myself drop down. I would not allow myself to be alone with Kenny, not until I knew who he was. I wouldn’t go against my promise to White by putting myself in possibly dangerous situations.

Danger, however, was swiftly snaking its way towards me from a direction I could not see, mouth wide and teeth bared, ready to stab me in the back.