No One Ever Taught Me Who I Was Supposed to Be

“Hey Gerard!" Frank’s voice chimed.
"H-hey."
"Ready to come to my house?"
My head tilts slightly to the side and I nod.
"Great!" He say's and grabs my hand.
Im very uncomfortable.
I've never held hands with any one before.
Franks hands are calloused,
but soft.
How do my hands feel to him?
Hard?
Like cement?
Most likely.
He starts pulling me to the door.
Please let go.
I beg in my head.
But my prayers aren’t answered,
as usual.
I remember a time when I thought that would work.
Praying.
Begging to god for some kind of relief.
I stopped when I was ten.
When I was less stupid.
No magic in the world could help me.
Nothing any one could to save me.
I was lost,
hopeless, and alone.
Kale had made it clear,
that there was no one else like me.
He said I was special.
My dad had always called it some thing different.
He called it being messed up in the head...
He was right.
So was Kale.
But they were just being nice.
What I think I am,
A sick, pathetic, fuck, who has no one left but the pretty creatures in his head...
I herd a teacher say it to the principle once,
he was describing my attitude towards school.
I don’t think he realized that school was better,
then any where else I had.
You could hide at school...
Frank is now pulling me up a flight of stairs.
We stop at a door,
marked number 13.
He sees me stare at it while he's searching his pockets for his keys.
"Ah lucky number thirteen." He says laughing, like its a joke.
... Or maybe it is?
Whats so great about thirteen?
When I was thirteen I got thrown off a bridge by the bully
that claimed to want my guts.
I wore a cast on my arm for almost 7 mouths.
I got a scare on my cheek,
from my dad throwing a glass cup at me.
He said I should take it as a lesson to never ignore him again.
And a drunk driver hit the side of my house.
My dad didn’t have enough money to replace the wall,
so we froze that winter...
The confusion clouded my face.
He saw it.
"Ya know... It’s really an unlucky number."
I nodded in realization.
No wonder that was such a good year.
The door swung open and he led me inside.
It was small, but nice.
Crowded with things,
the memories of his life.
My body was the only place that could hold memories.
The one room apartment I spent a small fraction of my time in,
is empty,
except for the one tattered sleeping bag...
and one lone box in the far right corner.
That was the only thing that held memories.
They were barley even mine.
My moms.
She left me here alone.
When I was very young, only two.
She's the only one who'd ever loved me.
She died giving birth to my brother.
My dad made sure he'd known that.
He's been gone for a while now to.
He ran away...
He had always been smarter then me.
The box held her memories.
Her pictures.
My baby pictures...
But that was a smiling baby,
It’s not me.
Just a picture of a baby in a far off place,
that has just a small resemblance of me.
"Sit down." Franks said.
I immediately did what I was told.
He looked at me oddly.
I looked at the ground.
I felt the weight of the couch change.
He was sitting next to me.
Oh god.
"Gerard... Is some thing wrong?" He asked.
I looked into his eyes frightened.
"Are you okay?"
I felt my heart stop.
I had never been asked that question.
But Kale had told me about it.
"Stay away." He had said.
"Stay away from that question! ... And if you can’t run, LIE"
I felt tears spring to my eye's.
I couldn't lie.
I had never learned.
And now im trapped...