Jar Of Hearts

It had been three months since that horrible night at the bar, and Jack had not improved one bit. He still pined over Alex, missing his ex-lover more than anything. It had cut him like a knife to see Alex with John, but he had heard through the grapevine (that was what he was calling Rian nowadays) that the happy couple had broke up.

Knowing that was bittersweet to Jack; on one hand he was happy because he was miserable without Alex and wanted him to feel the way he was feeling, but on the other hand he couldn't help but feel sorry for Alex, because believe it or not he still cared deeply for the older man.

Jack was laying in darkness on the double bed in his new bedroom, in his new apartment. After Alex and he had broke up, Jack had moved out of the apartment they shared and into a new one on the other side of town. Not one of his friends but Rian and Zack knew where he now lived; he had distanced from the friendship group he and Alex shared because it was too painful to be constantly around the reminders and memories of Alex... and Alex himself of course.

Life without Alex was tragic, it was as if Jack was living half-alive. Of course, he had got used to this a month after the break-up, but it didn't stop the pain he felt. Rian had pointed out several times that it was as if the light in Jack's eyes had gone out. Jack didn't even bother denying it; he knew it was true. He could feel it.

A buzzing from behind Jack brought him out of his melancholy thoughts. Frowning, he turned to see who the hell was bothering him this time. Usually it was either Zack or Rian wondering how he was coping, or another of his friends asking where he was lately. Jack never replied to either.

From: Rian
Hey, he's been asking everyone about you. He wants to know where you are. Ri xo

A jolt of fear burst through Jack. He didn't even need to ask who 'he' was, Jack knew. Alex wanted him?

“No, no. No!” Jack repeated to himself over and over. Alex couldn't find him, he knew if the older man turned up at his door then he wouldn't be able to turn him away.

A rumble of thunder and a sudden crash of lightening lit up the dark room, ironically adding to the already dismal mood that Jack was in. He used to be afraid of storms, but since the break-up he had realised there were more serious things to be scared of. Alex used to comfort him during a thunderstorm, holding the younger man to his chest while whispering sweet nothings in his ear and stroking his hair to soothe him.

Jack swallowed dejectedly; memories of Alex were still too raw to think about properly without feeling as though he was walking on razorblades with bare feet. He laughed humourlessly; that was a depressing way of putting things into perspective.

Another lightening clap echoed throughout the empty apartment, causing Jack to frown. How was he supposed to get any peace and quiet with this racket going on outside? But for some reason the lightening wasn't stopping, just a continuous banging that.... wait, that wasn't lightening. Someone was at the door.

Jack made his way to the front door, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Who was stupid enough to go out in this weather?

Swinging open the door, he had to take a double take at who was on the other side. Alex Gaskarth was stood there, completely drenched from head to toe with a shirt to rival most wet t-shirt contests.

“Hi.” Was the only thing he said, with a half-smile that Jack would have thought was adorable if they were still together. Screw it, he did think it was adorable.

“What are you doing here, Alex?” Jack asks quietly, not trusting his voice to go any louder for fear of breaking.

“I wanted to see you.”

Jack frowned, “Why now, Alex? Why now, after three months?”

“I miss you Jack.” Was the only thing Alex had to say to make Jack's wall crash down around his feet. Despite this, Jack had to keep up a strong front. He had to.

“You wanted this. You wanted us to break up.”

“I made a mistake. Jack, I still love you.”

Jack could feel the words cutting into his heart, twisting deeper with every syllable.

“Who do you think you are, Alex? Coming back here after all this time, to tell me 'you're sorry' and 'you miss me' and 'you still love me'. Do you know how many scars you've left me with, Alex? Do you? I wish I could forget every moment we had together, God, I really wish I could. But I can't. And do you know why, Alex?! Because you've got my heart, you've always had it! You've had it since the first time I met you, when you first walked into my life. Even when you walked straight back out of it, it's still yours. And I hate that, I hate that even after all this time you still have all this control over me. God, I hate it.” Jack yelled, tears falling onto his cheeks by the end of his rant.

“I'm sorry Jack,” Alex choked out, “I don't know what else to say. I made a mistake, I want you back baby. Give us another chance, please?”

“I don't know if I can let you in again, not again Alex. I can't go through that again, it would kill me.”

“I wouldn't do it again. I wish I'd never left you, I wish I'd never got with John. I wish I had never hurt you.”

Jack just shook his head, and Alex carried on.

“I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from being an idiot and ruining everything. Jack, please.” He was basically begging now, and Jack wasn't entirely sure the water on Alex's face was just from the rain now.

“I- I just...” Jack knew his walls had crumbled down around him; he had no defence left. So he simply walked forward into the heavy rainfall, and wrapped his arms around Alex.