Would You Love Me, Would You Hold Me?

***Joanna's POV***

This morning was very different than usual. It was something that did not happen in a very, very long time, and it was very foreign to me.

I was actually excited and happy to be up and ready to start the day. Because I knew I'd see Nick.

Good lord, WHAT is this boy doing to me? Me, Ms. Cold-Hearted Emotionless Bitch. Why do I feel all happy and giggly and shit when I think about him? This isn't normal, dammit!

But this isn't anything serious. This is just a playful thing. No commitment or anything, right? So really, I don't need to worry about anything. I'm still the same ole' Joanna.

I tried to get through my morning routine quicker than I normally do. I wanted to get to the meeting early, so that maybe Nick and I could hang out for a little bit before we had to "talk about our feelings".

I swiftly walked to the morning meeting, Lisa smiling at me as I walked in. I grinned when I saw Nick already sitting there, and laughed slightly when his eyes lit up when he realized I was in the room.

"Hey you." He grinned back, standing up and wrapping his arms around my waist in a hug. We both sat down after a few seconds of hugging, and he started toying with my hand. I noticed Lisa blatantly staring at us from her desk, but I ignored her.

"So last night was fun." He whispered, loud enough so only I could hear him. I smirked and nodded. "Thought you'd like that."

"You know what I'd like more?" He grinned. I laughed, shaking my head. "Horndog."

"This sucks though," I turned my head to look at him. "Why?" I asked, confused. He bit his lip. "I wanna be able to be with you more than just in meetings, when we're eating, and in the lounge. But I know they wouldn't let us in each other's rooms. They'd probably think we were trying to kill each other." I snorted and nodded my head in agreement. "Probably."

"This sucks." He pouted. I had to admit, it was pretty damn adorable.

"Poor thing." I teased, reaching over and tucking his hair behind his ear. He leaned over and pointed to his lips, smiling like a little kid.

"Yep. Those are your lips." I smiled. He narrowed his eyes at me and I chuckled, leaning in and kissing him.

"Mmm," He smiled as we slowly pulled away from each other. "I like your kisses."

"You better. I don't hand those suckers out for just anybody." i scoffed. He laughed. "So does that mean I'm special?"

"Oh, you're most definitely special." i grinned evilly. He pouted again, pretending to be sad. "But all of the most interesting people are "special"."

"You're really special then." He grinned. I laughed and shook my head.

"No, dear, I'm what you'd call insane."

$$$

***2 weeks later***

2 weeks and some days into my wonderful stay at this fantastic establishment, only 3 and a half more months to go. 'Least I haven't tried to kill myself again yet.

...Yet.

I was trying to behave as well as possible this time, though. Even though it killed me, and I had to grit my teeth and bite my tongue every time, I was being nice to all the employees here, and I know they definitely noticed a difference in me. The only reason I was doing this, though, was so that maybe they would possibly consider shortening my time here. I was hoping I could get at least 1 month knocked off, but I think there's a very slim chance of that happening, no matter how much of a little angel I try to be.

Nick and I seem to be getting closer every day. Well, I think it's more like Nick seems to be getting closer to me everyday...the kid's kinda clingy. And needy. And...very attached to me, it seems.

That scares me. That should scare him, too. I don't think he realizes what he's getting into. I'm not exactly "best friend" material. Or worse, "girlfriend" material. Shit, I don't think I'm "human being" material.

But, I understand. He's got no one in here but me, and we get along. Plus, I'll admit it; I'm leading him on. I've gotten to sneak into his room a few more times, and whenever we're together we're practically all over each other. I like him, he doesn't annoy me too much...well, sometimes he does. As of late, he's been very sweet to me. He's getting all lovey and coo-y and shit...I don't like that. I don't like mushy crap. I don't like relationships. I don't do relationships. And I'm starting to think he wants one with me.

Once again; I don't think he realizes what he's getting into.

"We should talk to one of the workers here to see if they can let us stay in each others rooms." Nick said through his mouthful of hamburger.

"I doubt they'll let us." i mumbled as I ate my own lunch. "They're so fucking strict around here, and they've all get 10 foot poles up their asses," Nick started laughing as he took a sip of his pop. "Well, they do." I giggled.

"Won't hurt to ask." He shrugged. "They can "monitor" us. They'll just be watching us make out, though." He smirked.

"Hope they enjoy the show." I sighed, smiling at him. "Speaking of that, Lisa talked to me today. About us."

"You and me?" I nodded. "She asked if we were a couple." I snorted.

"Well are we?" My breath hitched in my throat as I saw that hopeful glint in his eyes. Oh no. Dear god no. Oh shit...here comes the cute little hopeful smile too...ah, hell. I'm screwed.

"Well," I took a sip of my own pop, looking at him. "what do you think?" Please say no, please say no...

"I wouldn't mind it." He shrugged, smiling.

DAMMIT!

"Oh really?" I chuckled. I was trying to play this off as best as i could, but I was practically having a heart attack now. Nick's a nice guy, he's cute, has a good personality, we get along...but I don't want a relationship. At all.

"I like you a lot, Joanna," He said quietly, looking down at his food. I bit my tongue. "you're different from other girls I've been with."

"Ohhh, I bet I am..." I laughed nervously. He chuckled. "In a good way, hon."

Oh great. Now he's calling me pet names. I really am screwed.

"I'm full." I said as I pushed my tray away from me.

"You didn't answer my question."

"What question?" He smiled. "Are we a couple?"

Can he not take a hint, or...

"We're...whatever you want us to be." I smiled.

"Well what if I want us to be a couple?" He grinned in a silly manner.

"Well..." I laughed, not finishing my sentence. Hell, I didn't have a sentence to finish...I was getting very panicky, fast.

"Well...what?" His grin fell slightly. I shrugged. "I dunno."

"Do you wanna be together or not?" He asked softly.

"Aren't you going through a divorce?"

I bit my tongue as his face fell, and hurt washed over his features. "You don't want to be with me because of that?"

That was a great question to ask him, wasn't it?

"I was just curious."

"Oh, sure. That's why you asked that when I asked if you wanted to have a relationship with me." I frowned slightly. Even better; he was pissed now.

"I shouldn't have said that, Nick." I watched him as he got up, grabbing his tray and walking away from me without saying another word. "Nick!" I groaned, quickly grabbing my own tray and walking after him. "Nick, stop!" I called after him as he swiftly dumped his tray and walked towards the hall.

"Nicholas!" I groaned again as I practically threw my tray in the garbage area, finally catching up with him. "I'm sorry I asked that!" I grabbed his arm, pulling him back. "I'm sorry." I repeated.

"Look, if you don't want to be with me then just tell me. Don't keep fucking with my emotions and leading me on if you don't want a relationship." He spat. I shrunk back a little. No one intimidates me, ever. But here I am, looking like a little puppy getting punished by a guy who's usually the little puppy in this situation.

"Don't be mad." I whispered. "I said I was sorry."

"I'm tired, I'm gonna take a nap." He mumbled, walking away from me.

See? This is why I don't do relationships. I'm not even good with friendships.