You Suck at Love

"Hey Jonah." I said, sitting down next to him. He looked at me surprised, then smiled.
"You're in a good mood for once."

I shrugged. As the bell rang, an elderly woman walked in and sat at the teacher's desk. We had a sub.

I took out my sketchbook and a pencil and started drawing nothing in particular. About a half-page full of doodles later, I felt eyes staring at me. I looked over and saw Jonah peering at my notebook.

"Those are amazing." He said, sounding genuinely impressed.
"Thanks." I put the pencil back to paper, but couldn't finish what I had started. I flipped to a new page and set the pencil lead to paper and waited for an idea.

I looked around the room, finding nothing interesting - the sub was half-asleep, my classmates were chattering about nothing important, and today was too gloomy to sketch anything outside. That's when I noticed Jonah. His nose was in a book and he was really wrapped into it. His feet sat on the stool ring, his arms against the table. His head was covered with a hat that I noticed he wore every day. His black hair fell just above his eyes and at his neck, his eyes a stunning cloudy marble blue. And it was just now that I was noticing that Jonah had some... rather feminine features. His skin was incredibly soft, and his face looked, well, somewhat girlish. Now that I looked at him, he had a girlish figure too. And an oddly high-pitched voice...

"Wh-What are you staring at, Jude?"
"Huh? Oh sorry." I turned back to my sketchbook.

I still felt eyes on me, but he didn't question me further. I started drawing flowers, but none of them looked right. I sighed and put my pencil down. I wasn't feeling very inspired today. But Jonah was still playing on my mind.

"Jonah, this is going to sound really weird, but, could you model for me?"
"What?" He dropped his book on the floor.
I chuckled. "I want to draw you."
"Oh. Why?"
"You look..." Would calling him feminine offend him? "Attractive."
His eyes widened. "I do?"
"Well, maybe attractive isn't the right word. Interesting? No. Appealing? Unique?"
"Jude, w-what are you saying?" he stammered out.
"I just really want to draw you in my sketchbook. Is that okay with you?"
He stared at me long and hard, a confused look still plastered on his face. "I-I guess so. I don't have to pose naked, do I?"
"Not unless you want to." I smirked. His eyes widened, and I swear I heard a barely audible squeak come from him. "That was joke, dude."
"O-Oh. Well, how was I supposed to know? You asked me to pose for you out of nowhere - I don't know what your intentions are!"

I laughed and opened my sketchbook to some pages of old portraits I had done: mostly Owen and Gwen, some people at the park. Jonah's mouth formed an 'o', as if finally understanding what I meant. His cheeks flushed pink and he nodded. "S-Sure, you can draw me. Uh, how should I pose?"
I observed him, head to toe. I think that made him more uncomfortable, because his cheeks got darker and his leg grew fidgety.
"Hm... I can't draw you in here. The light is wrong, and you're nervous now."
"Well why wouldn't I be nervous? I can't even take a good school picture!"
"No one can." I laughed. "Look, I'll just let you know when I have time, and then we can set up when we should do it and where."
"O-Okay."

He bent down and picked up his book. Again I observed him, a little longer than I should have. I turned back to my sketchbook, then closed it in defeat. I wasn't going to draw anything until I sketched Jonah.

The bell rang, but since this was a double period, class was only half over. I sighed. I was getting so bored lately. Maybe I should join a club or something.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. Jonah held up a piece of paper and a pencil with the word HANGMAN written at the top. I shrugged and took the pencil from him. I don't know how, but we passed the next 49 minutes playing Hangman, Tic Tac Toe, and 21 Questions. We were laughing so much, we earned a few glares from our classmates, but we didn't care. When the bell rang again, I was a little disappointed. I didn't have any other classes with Jonah.

While he was gathering his things, I felt compelled to say "I can't smoke anymore because of you."
He turned and looked at me. "Yeah? I thought you said you'd quit."
"I had, but I really needed something to calm my nerves. But I lit the cig and couldn't even bring myself to smoke it. Your stupid voice kept resonating in my head."
He looked thoroughly interested. "What was I saying?"
"'I'd hate for my only friend here to die on me.'"
"Oh no, you remembered my selfish bit? Why didn't you remember the part about my grandfather - that makes me seem much kinder."
I raised my eyebrows and chuckled a bit. "You are a strange one, Jonah."

It felt awkward, leaving things like this, like this interaction was meant to continue. If it didn't, it would just hang in the air all day, growing stale and impossible to ignore.

"So, uh, when do you think you'll wanna draw me?" He asked, slinging his backpack on his shoulder.
"I don't know. I'm pretty much free all the time."
"Well, how about today?"
I shook my head. "It's too dark outside."
"Oh. Tomorrow?"
"If the weather's better."
He nodded.

This felt incredibly awkward, like I was a grown man trying to make a new friend. I was horrible at this.

"Gwen and I are gonna hang out after school. Wanna come?" The words fell from my mouth. I had no plans to hang out with Gwen - I didn't even know if she wanted company or if she even knew Jonah.
"Yeah? Sure, if it's cool with her."
"I'll... I'll ask her."
"Alright then. See you after school." He smiled and left the room.

What did I just do?

Gwen arrived at my locker after school, as she does every day. I rushed to her, running a hand through my hair.

She looked concerned. "Uh oh. What's wrong? You always run a hand through your hair when you're upset."
I looked at her. "I do?" She nodded. "...Whatever. I might have said something stupid."
"To Owen?"
"No, we still aren't on speaking terms."
"Well then who did you say something stupid to?"
"Jonah."
"Who?"
"The new kid."
She shook her head. "I don't know who that is."
"He's my friend."
She beamed. "You made a new friend? Aw, I'm so proud of you!"
"Shut up, Gwen."
She rolled her eyes. "So what stupid thing did you say?"
"I asked him to hang out with us after school today."
She looked at me and laughed. "Well, that's not stupid, that was nice. Where are we meeting him?"
"Uh I dunno. But that's not really the stupid part."
"Well what is?"
"It's... it's the way I said it. Like, I didn't even think about it before I invited him. When we were talking, it kept feeling like the conversation wasn't finished, at least not until I asked him to hang out with us."
"Really? Well that's odd. I've never felt like that before."
"Well me either until today."
"Maybe you're just nervous because he's a new friend and you aren't used to making friends. You've known Owen forever, and you and I are still growing as friends."
I sighed. "Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just... weirded out by all this."
She smiled."It'll all work out."

I opened my locker, putting away what I didn't need, then walked with Gwen outside of the building. I instantly spotted Jonah some feet away, looking slightly lost. I pointed him out to Gwen, who nodded in approval."He's adorable."
"What?"
"He is. Look at him!"

I rolled my eyes, but they still found Jonah. He had spotted me and waved at me with a smile on his face.

"Hey, Jude," he said when he came up to us. He looked over at Gwen. "So, you must be Gwen."
She nodded. "Nice to meet you Jonah. I'd like to say I've heard all about you, but he neglected to tell me anything until five minutes ago."
I glared at her. Jonah seemed a little confused but smiled anyway. "So, where are we hanging?"
I looked at Gwen, who shrugged. "Well, I guess my house is okay, if Katie isn't home." I said. They both shrugged in agreement, so we walked to my house. My parents weren't home today, as usual, but Katie was. She emerged from the kitchen munching on a bag of chips.

She looked at me and Gwen, then at Jonah. She pointed a finger at him, and with a mouth full of chips, asked "Wha habbened to Owen?"
I rolled my eyes. "It's rude to point, Katie. This is Jonah."
She swallowed and smirked. "So you and Owen aren't joined at the crotch anymore?"
My eyes widened before I lunged to smack her hard on her arm. She whined and cursed at me, rubbing her bare, red arm.
"Dammit, Jude, don't fucking hit me."
"I wouldn't have to if you didn't say stupid shit like that."
She looked at me and my friends, then smiled. "Ah, so you don't want me to embarrass you in front of your little crush. Which one would that be again?" I raised my hand again. "Okay, okay! Don't hit me or I'm gonna tell mom!" She yelled before running upstairs.

I rolled my eyes at my sister's retreating back. Gwen was slightly blushing and avoiding eye contact, but she did hold my hand. I guess she thinks I'm upset about Owen or something, but I didn't really feel angry, just... lost.

I nearly forgot Jonah was with us. He was walking into the living room, staring at our family photos. He smiled before picking up one frame. I recognized it instantly. I rushed over and grabbed it, setting it face down. He grinned.

"I didn't know you were a boy scout." He said.
I glared at him. "That was a long time ago. Come on, let's go to my room."
I saw him shake his head, smile still on his face, but he still followed me upstairs. Gwen was trying not to laugh - she had already seen that photo, but it didn't make it any less embarrassing.

They filed into my room and I closed the door behind us. My room was nothing special at all - my drawings would scatter the room every one in a while, but I usually kept them in my sketchbook. Other than that, my room was pretty clean.

Jonah took in every inch of my room. I'm not sure why it fascinated him so much. Gwen sat politely on my bed and motioned me to come over. I sat next to her while Jonah stared at some of my drawings on the desk.

"So, tell me more about him." she whispered to me.
"He's in my AP Chemistry class and he's incredibly clumsy."

I didn't mention that he didn't want me to smoke, because I never told Gwen I used to smoke. I wanted to keep some parts of my old life hidden, mostly because I was tired of being judged. Gwen wasn't really one to judge though, but still I knew I'd feel disapproval from her.

"That's it?"
"That's all I know about him."
She looked over at him, then back to me. "And you're friends with him anyway?"
I shrugged. "Why not? He isn't annoying and he isn't scared of me. People like that are rare at this school."

She chewed on her lip. My past was really a touchy subject. She knew why people were scared of me. She knew why I was no longer the happy-go-lucky boy scout I used to be. And we never brought it up. That was the understanding we had.

"I cannot believe you are this talented." Jonah said from across the room. We looked at him, holding pages of my artwork in his hands. I frowned. I hoped his hands were clean. I got up and took the pages from him. He looked at me.
"Sorry, I just really care about these - I don't want them getting smudged or ruined."
"Oh. I promise I won't ruin them."
I raised an eyebrow at him. "You? Mr. Butterfingers?"
He pouted while Gwen giggled.

His pout just sent a shock to my brain.

"Stay just like that!" I shouted. He jumped and Gwen grew quiet.
"Wh-What?" he seemed worried.
"Stay just like that - that face and that pose. Don't. Move. A. Muscle."
He blinked and stood for a moment before pouting again. "Um, why am I-"
"Shh." I grabbed my sketchbook and a pencil and started drawing what stood before me. His expression, his posture, his appearance - all of it was copied onto the paper. I didn't even realize how long it had taken me to draw him, but the room was significantly darker when I finished.

Gwen leaned over to peek at my art and gasped. "I think that's the best you've ever done." she exclaimed.
I furrowed my brow and studied my pencil work. I wasn't sure how I felt about it yet. I motioned Jonah to come over. He sat in the spot next to me and gasped even louder than Gwen had.

His stunning eyes traced over the dark lines on the page.

"What do you think?" I asked.
"... I- ..." He was speechless. I looked down at the drawing. I didn't think it was that good.
"I need to fix it, and add some color to it-"
"No!" He said suddenly. I blinked. "Don't change a single thing about it - it's amazing."
"Really?"
"YES, I mean that is just fucking amazing! I've never looked so good!"
I chuckled. "Do you want it?"
His eyes widened. "I can have it?"
"It's you, so it's yours."
I tore the page from my book carefully, signed it, and gave it to him. His smile was huge.
"Thank you Jude, it's beautiful." He moved closer to my face, then stopped, an inch away. He bit his lip and got up. "Um, wh-where's the bathroom?"
I blinked. "Huh? Oh it's down the hall on the left."
He nodded, set the drawing down, and left the room.

Gwen immediately turned back to me. "He likes you."
I stared at her. "So? I like him too."
She rolled her eyes. "No, I mean he has a crush on you."
"That's ridiculous, Gwen. We hardly know each other."
"But he's nervous around you."
"He's nervous around everyone. He's jittery and clumsy."
"He was very impressed with your artwork."
"So were you and Owen when you first saw it."
She glared at me. "Why are you trying to fight me on this?"
"Why are you trying to insist that Jonah has feelings for me?"
"Why won't you accept that you do?"
"Why won't you accept that I don't have feelings for anyone and I never will?" I raised my voice, ending in a crack.

She looked at me before turning away.

I sighed and fell back on my pillow.

"Maybe you'd find someone you like if you stopped pushing everyone away."
I growled. "Gwen, enough."
"I was only trying to help." her soft voice carried over to me.
I sighed and pulled the pillow over my head. "I know." I said, my voice muffled.
The bed moved and I felt Gwen hovering over me. She took the pillow away from me and set it on the bed. "You've gotta open up, Jude. I hate seeing your emotions flare up out of nowhere."
I nodded. "I know, I'm sorry."
She smiled. "You're too busy taking care of others to even think about taking care of yourself." She flicked my nose.
I glared at her but she just laughed.

I sat up and she moved off of me. I looked at her. Gwen was undeniably gorgeous, but I still felt nothing but a brotherly love towards her. When she stuck her tongue out at me for staring too long, I knew she felt the same way, and that made me happy. I would hate for things to get messy if we had any romantic feelings for each other. I didn't want to lose Gwen like I had lost Owen.

A loud crash came from the hallway. We looked at each other before rushing to the hall. Hearing someone muttering swears, we went to the bathroom, where Jonah stood in the middle of a chaotic mess. Pill bottles and toothbrushes had fallen in the sink, soap bottles lay on the floor, and the bottom cabinet was open with things like tissue spilling out. And he stood in the middle of all of it, holding a roll of toilet paper and a box of tampons. I raised an eyebrow at Jonah, who was turning beet red.

He looked at the box of tampons in his hand. "U-U-U-Um, it's not what it looks like! I mean, I wasn't using those!" He held up the roll of toilet paper. "Toilet paper! I needed some toilet paper!"
I nodded. "Okay, but how does that explain the rest?"
"I wasn't sure where the toilet paper was."
"You thought there'd be toilet paper in the cabinet?" I asked.
"And in the shower?" Gwen added, looking at the shower curtain now half-way torn down.
His face couldn't get any redder. "No, I just... slipped on rug, and well... I'm a total klutz."

Here he was, standing in my bathroom which look like a tornado hit it, with a box of tampons and toilet paper in his hands, and his pants down at his ankles. My eyes trailed to his waist, where his shirt conveniently covered his crotch. I know right now you'd think I was having perverted thoughts, but all I could do was burst out laughing at how ridiculous this whole scene was.

His shocked expression matched Gwen's as they both stared at me. I have to admit, I rarely laugh like this - I've probably scared the crap out of them.

I eventually stopped laughing, holding my stomach and breathing deeply. I smiled at them.

"Jonah, man, I absolutely love you."

He blinked, then pouted, realizing I was laughing at him. "Shut up, you know I'm a klutz."
"I'd say you're more of a spaz right about now."
"Shut up!"
"Dude, just get your pants on so I can clean up my bathroom."

He blushed again and quickly grabbed his jeans, but he moved too fast to pull them up and ended up falling backwards into the tub. I exploded with laughter again, this time winding up on my ass on the floor.

I heard Gwen sigh. "You sure are a character, aren't you Jonah?"