Kendall

He knows. Slit. Oh God, he knows. Slit. Slit. Slit. My arm is covered in bright red blood.It drips down onto the white floor in tiny ruby droplets. The blood flows from the cuts like a river. Too much blood. I feel cold and clammy.

I think of Brody's face when he saw my arm. The bile comes up my throat as I open the toilet lid and lose the continents in my stomach. I flush it down and rinse my mouth out with water.

When I walked in the door, Essie was crying in Uncle Thomas' arms and Aunt Jade was pacing next to them on the phone." Well if you see her let me know and tell her to get home." She turned and saw me, her face a mask of fury.

I watched Eric drive away from the dirty window. Was Brody telling him about me? I think I might avoid Eric tomorrow, or maybe school all together.

"Where have you been? Kendall Renee I have been trying to call you all afternoon. You didn't even bother to tell me where you were going." She says quite loudly. Essie stopped crying and Uncle Thomas took her to her room,leaving me alone with my aunt.

Her voice is calmer when she asked again,"Where were you?"

It took me a moment to find my voice, but she waited patiently for my explanation."The mall. I was with some friends at the mall." Friends? Two acquaintances I should avoid until the end of time sounds more like it.

My aunt sighed and opened her mouth to say something, but closed it anyway to shake her head. I've disappointed her. "I-I-I'm sorry!" I stammered and made a hasty exit to the bathroom.

I let the blade fall from my clutch and to the ground. I look down at my arm. I've added large new wounds and reopened fresh ones. I'm losing too much blood. I turn on the tap and wash away the blood. Once the river of blood is wiped away, I really look at my arm and study it closely. Sadly I count forty-seven cuts on my left arm and twenty-four on my right, but there are cuts in other spots. How could I do this to myself? How could I take blades to my skin and mutilate my body? Brody is right. I need help. Who could I turn to though? Aunt Jade already is disappointed in me and I don't want to add more drama to her semi-happy life. Uncle Thomas would obviously tell my aunt, and we don't have a very close relationship. Obviously I have no friends here to talk to though Mr. Porter claimed he was my friend. I don't think I have anyone.

I hear two soft knocks on the door and the jiggling of the door handle."Kendall? I'm sorry. I was just so worried and..." my aunt trails off. I sigh and turn off the water. I grab my cut medicine and smeared it across my entire arm.

"No, I should apologize." I answer staring at myself in the mirror. She jiggles the door knob again. I pull down my sleeve gently,shove the blades in my mall bag, and open the door. My aunt attempts to give me a grin, but fails so opts for giving me a timid awkward one armed hug. "I'm sorry for not telling you." I pull away from her. She looks me in the eyes, searching for something. She looks nothing like my mom, I guess why it is so easy to look her in the eye without being reminded of her. I wonder if she could see the same thing Brody found in my eyes, a crazy person in desperate need of help. Aunt Jade pets my hair." Okay,just...just don't do it again." She walks away from me with a frown on her face.

I skip dinner, and no one questions me. I listen to my aunt and uncle talk about me while doing the dishes. Thanks paper thin walls. The conversation is predicable,things like: "What do you think we should do?" " I'm worried about her." "Maybe she should get some therapy." "She barely speaks or gets out the house."

I tune them out and focus on the cracks in the ceiling. Brody runs through my mind. What did he say to Eric? He thinks I am some crazy depressed maniac, though he is right. When he sees me he will run, telling everyone I hurt myself.

I take a bath,but avoid looking at myself in the mirror,but being naked in a tub is kind of hard when you don't want to see your body. I am disgusted with myself. The warm water make my arms hurt. All along my pale skin I see cuts; on my legs,my arms,my stomach, I even have a few long slashes on my back. I can't stand the sight anymore, so I allow my eyes to close. The water creeps up my chest, rises up my neck and up to my nose until I push myself to the bottom.

How hard could it be? Just to end it all here right now. A few minuets under the water without breathing, or maybe I could fill my lungs with the warm bath water, either way I would leave this place, this reality. I open my eyes and immediately they burn, though despite the pain they remain open. Seconds tick by without oxygen. My chest tightens. I squirm and my head starts to hurt. I can't help but part my lips and suck in. The water chokes me and causes me to jerk up out of the water gasping for air. I choke and cough up water. I keep coughing until air can pass through again easily. My breathing slows and I hop out of the tub. I guess suffocation and drowning are out of the question.

I head to bed for another night full of tears and nightmares.