I Am Where You Belong

Dear Austin,
If you're reading this, it means you're literate. Congratulations! But it also means you're going to be very pissed off in a few sentences...

I know we said we would do this together. Don't think for one minute that I forgot all those promises we made, because I didn't and I won't. I love you, or rather, I loved you. I was lying next to you in bed tonight and I looked over at you. You were snoring like you always do, I remember how I used to find it cute, and as I was looking at you I couldn't help but think of all the fun you would have traveling the country, and eventually the world, even though I was supposed to come with you. I know I'm supposed to be by your side right now, getting ready to go to the airport, but I'm not. I left...obviously.

You see, you're the one who's meant to travel and live on the road. That's not me. You're the one who needs to be out there singing to fans every night. I know I told you I'd go with you, but that's not my dream. You can hate me forever for leaving, but you have to respect the reason. I know there's somewhere out there for me and I'm going to keep looking until I find it.

Maybe the winds will blow me your way someday, but if not, try to forget about me. On second thought, don't. Remember all the bad times so you can look back and realize you're not missing much. Remember all those days I was a total bitch to you. Remember how I never let you drive my car even if I wasn't using it. Remember how pissy I would get if you looked at other girls. Remember how angry I constantly made you. Remember when I went all Parent Trap on you and threw my hair dryer at you.

Shit...I was a total bitch. But, I swear to God that I love you, Austin. I always have and I always will. I'm sorry I'm leaving. I know you'll be hurt, but take that hurt and write an album. Fuck, write four albums. Make the whole world hate my guts. You'll be fine without me.

With all the love in my heart,
Abbie


I reread that letter for what seemed like the millionth time.

Today is the two year anniversary of the day she left. Two whole fucking years without her.

She left me right before one of my first tours. We were going to be a team and travel together, but obviously that didn't happen.

I can remember when I found the note. I tried my best not to fucking cry, but I did. I never thought she would leave me. She was my other half, my baby girl. She was supposed to always be with me.

I sat down on the dressing room couch and read the letter again. Everybody knew that I was hard to talk to around this time of the year, especially today. As if I wasn't a big enough dick to everybody normally, today was even worse.

A knock on the door tore me away from reading the letter in my hands.

"What?" I yelled, folding up the piece of paper and shoving it into my jacket pocket.

"Hey..." I heard John say as he walked inside.

"What?" I repeated.

"We wanted to see if you'd come to a strip club with all of us. We'll all pitch in for a lap dance." He smiled. Fuck, how could I say no to that?

We all climbed in a few cabs and got dropped off at the nearest Gentlemen's Club in Los Angeles, which happened to be named The Playpen. Hopefully this would get my mind off her.

As we set foot inside, we instantly heard yelling and whistling. Probably for one of the strippers.

I always felt weird going to strip clubs. I mean, I know they need money, but it just seemed wrong to ogle them so blatantly.

The guys and I sat at a big table in the corner and ordered drinks and watched the stage. I have to admit, it was definitely making me think less about Abbie. With so many tits right in front of me, how could I even try to think about my broken heart?

We watched a few more girls before Garrett got up and went somewhere. Hopefully to get me my promised lap dance.

"This is turning out to be a pretty good night, guys." I said as I turned to the group.

"You fucking said it." John replied, taking a sip of his beer.

"Jared doesn't know what he's missing." Kennedy commented.

"True." I nodded as I watched the stage.

Suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder, and turned to see what it was.

"Hey there, handsom- Austin?!" She shrieked.

I looked up from her breasts, where my eyes were set, and I was face to face with Abbie.

"Abbie? What the- put some fucking clothes on!" I cried, ripping off my jacket and standing up to throw it around her half naked body.

"I- I need to go." She said throwing my jacket on the floor and turning around.

"Wait!" I cried out, grabbing her hand.

Suddenly a heavy security guard walked over to us.

"No touching." He snapped.

"It's okay, Jim. I know him." She said, saving my ass.

He nodded and walked away.

"Let's talk. Outside." I told her as I picked my jacket up and covered her again.

She reluctantly nodded and we started walked towards the exit. Once we were away from the weird lighting and blaring music, I finally took it in.

I was really seeing her. I found her after years of searching. But did I really like what I saw?

"You bleached your hair." I pointed out.

"Yeah." She nodded as she pulled the jacket tighter around her frame and looked down.

"It looks like shit." I snapped.

"Is this what you wanted to talk about?" She asked.

"Why the fuck are you stripping? Why are you in LA? What the fuck, Abbs? If things were bad you should've come to me!" I cried out, pulling at my hair.

She stayed silent and just looked up at me with shame evident in her expression. I wanted to yell at her and call her a slut and walk away, but I couldn't. Instead, I pulled her into my arms and held her tight against my chest for the first time in years. I closed my eyes and felt a weird sensation pass through my body. I felt warmth and completeness. I didn't dare think of anything that could ruin the moment. I just thought about how great it felt to hold her in my arms again.

"I missed you so much." I heard her whisper as her arms found their way around my body.

"What happened to you, Abbie?" I whispered into her ear.

"Life." She replied as she pulled away from the tight, long overdue, embrace. "I was looking for my place, you know? I traveled and lived in my car for a bit and then I ended up here with no money. I tried waitressing but I wasn't making enough so I came here and they hired me and I could finally pay my rent and eat something other than ramen. They made me bleach my hair and wear tons of makeup, but at least I'm making money. I never wanted to run into you like this." She sighed, running a hand through her hair. I could tell she was embarrassed.

"You could've come to me." I told her.

"Would you really have taken me back?" She asked.

"Fuck, Abbie! Yes! If you remember correctly, you were the one who fucking left me." I exclaimed, getting worked up.

"Austin...I didn't want to- but I- I just had to go. I hated the thought of following you wherever you went. I didn't just want to be a sidekick to your success." She admitted.

"So taking your clothes off in front of random dudes was your success?" I retaliated.

"That's not fair. Not all of us can just decide to pick up a guitar and be a musician." She argued.

"Then tell me, did you find your place? After all the fucking soul searching, did leaving me pay off for you?" I asked.

"I don't know. I honestly don't know what I'm looking for, Austin." She answered softly, looking down.

"Well you found it." I told her.

"What?"

"You found exactly what you need." I repeated. "All along your place has been with me. You're happy with me, you're at home with me, I need you. Your place is right next to me because I can't live without you. I love you so much, Abbie. Please let me be where you belong."

She stayed silent and looked up at me, searching for something with her eyes. I just stared at her glittery face and into her big eyes rimmed with fake eye lashes. She didn't look like herself, but a sad, glammed up doll.

"I don't know, Austin. I just- I don't know..." She frowned.

"Would you rather die tomorrow being known as a stripper, or die being known as my other half?" I asked her seriously.

"Are you sure you still want me?" She asked softly with a small pout on her lips.

"No, I don't." I answered, to which her face fell. "But I need you. I'm in love with you and I always will be, Abbie."

"I love you too." She grinned before jumping into my arms.

I returned the hug and whispered into her ear,

"You belong with me, baby. You always have."