I'm A Walking Disaster, They Told You To Stay Away

I flop on to my bed and try to remember everything that happened tonight. I don’t want to forget. It was actually pretty good. Probably, the best night I’ve had in a while. I stare at the ceiling and wonder if all of the people I met tonight would remember me. I hope so, because I start school on Monday and I want to be familiar with people. I probably drank too much and smoked too much, but I don’t give a fuck. There’s something about being under the influence that makes everything better and usually brings the best out of people. It’s like after smoking a bowl all of your problems are gone and its okay to be yourself. Nothing else matters from that point. You’re high and nothing is going to bring you down. Until, some sort of bad thought creeps into your brain and infects it live a virus. Everything spins downhill and you can’t stop; not another bowl, not another shot, and not another snort. For the rest of the night you’re paranoid, scared and straight up flipping out. That is until someone comes to your rescue.

I found my pipe and stash and loaded a bowl. I opened up the window and looked up at the stars. It was a perfect way to end the night. My mom always told me that if I get lonely; look up at the stars and see all the beautiful angels smiling down at me. I knew my mom and dad were up there looking down. They probably wouldn’t be too proud right now, but they can’t ground me. I light the bowl and take a deep breath in. I exhale slowly. I already feel the effects from the weed. I take another hit and try to hold it in longer. I smile and remember the story my father told me about the first time he smoked.
He was about 16; a young, adolescent like me. He wasn’t really sure how to smoke, but he didn’t want to look like an idiot and admit he’s never smoked before. He watched the others; he made sure he knew exactly how they held the bong. Once it was his turn he did exactly what the other kids did. He took in a deep breath. As soon as the smoke entered his lungs he coughed it up. He said he coughed for a good five minutes and with that first hit, he was soaring high in the sky; but of course, he smoked more. After three bowls they all went on a hunt for food. He settled on some Oreos and milk. He claims nothing had ever tasted that good. He ate a whole pack of Oreos and he still wanted more. His stomach was a bottomless pit. I chuckled as I took the last hit from the bowl. It was pretty much cash. It showed how amazing my parents were, they openly told me about all the drugs they did. I love them so much.

I hear a knock on my door. I stash my pipe behind a pillow and close the window. I tip toe to the door. I crack the door just enough to see who’s out there. Alex smiles and pushes the door open.

“I can’t sleep and Jack is already passed out! I need some company,” he said diving into my bed.

“Well, I don’t know how much I can help you with that. I’m pretty beat myself,” I answered sitting on the bed next to him.

“Oh, you guys! I guess it s family thing! Runs through the blood. I guess my insomnia kicked in, because I really don’t see myself going to sleep anytime soon.” He smiled at me. Alex’s smile could light up the darkest room. He had a genuine smile. Even his eyes smiled along with his teeth. I couldn’t help but stare at that flawless face. “Lauren, are you okay?” I came to reality.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just flying high.” I answered lying on the bed. Alex moved closer to me. I could feel his arm next to mine. I tried not to giggle like a 13 year old girl. I have to play it cool, like I’m use to an attractive guy lying in bed next to me.

“I’m sorry about your parents. Jack told me all about them, they sounded like the world’s best parents,” Alex said lacing his fingers through mine.

“They really were. I can’t think of any parents that openly told their kid about all the drugs they did and actually said that it was fun. I really miss them,” I tried to fight back the tears but it seemed useless. I let them flow.

“Don’t cry, you’re too beautiful to cry. I promise things will be better, just give it time. Don’t let the bad things bring you down. Just be happy.” He sat up and whipped the tears from my
cheeks. “I promise everything will get better. It’ll get easier to handle.”

“How do you know?” I blurted out.

“I figured you’d ask,” he paused as if he was mustering strength. “My brother killed himself a year or so ago. It was the hardest time in my life. I still don’t see how I got through it. Other than the band, he was my best friend. He knew me inside and out. He didn’t let anyone fuck with me. He was the best big brother anyone could have.” I sat up and looked at him. His eyes showed all the hurt he went through. He knows what I’m going through.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t really expect you to. You moved here yesterday. We still have a lot to learn about each other. There are many more stories to be shared about our lives.” He smiled at me. “Lauren, I know the pain that’s in your heart. I’ve felt it to. Don’t sit and sulk over the death of your parents, celebrate their lives.” He moved his hand to my shoulder. “Believe me, it makes is a hell of a lot easier.”

“I’ll try my best,” I said giving him a smile.

“That’s my girl,” he said taking my hand in his. “You look exhausted. Try and get some sleep. We can talk more tomorrow.” He kissed me forehead. “Sweet dreams, Lauren.” And with that, he left my room and returned to Jack’s. I smiled and pulled the blankets over my head. Maybe things are going to get better.