We'll Tell The Saddest Story Of How We Made It Through This Past Year.

"Where the FUCK IS JACK?" Flyzik asked for about the fiftieth time in the last 10 minutes, pacing back and forth and dragging his hands through his hair and glancing down at his watch about every half second. "Damn it, we go on in less than five minutes!"

"We don't know! Damn it Flyzik, how many times are you going to ask us that? It's not helping," Danny snapped at him and dropped his head into his hands.

I stayed quiet in my corner, glancing down at my phone screen every two seconds with no luck. Jack wasn't answering my texts or my calls. I blew out a deep breath and tapped my fingers on my phone screen. I willed him to answer, and when the screen lit up, my heart leapt into my throat, but it was only Zack.

"They couldn't find him," I said quietly. "They're coming back now."

"FUCK!" Flyzik all but screamed. "What the fuck could he be thinking? Is he an idiot? He's never done this before, god damn it, and take my word for it, I'm going to make sure that he never gets the chance to do it again. I'll chain him to one of us from now on, I'll lock him in a cage before the show, I'll -"

"ENOUGH!" The word exploded from my mouth and I was on my feet before I knew it, my face inches from Flyzik's. "That's fucking enough, Flyzik. Can you stop thinking about the fucking show for a minute and think about Jack? What if something happened to him, huh?! DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT?" My face was red and my hands were balled into fists. Matt backed up against the wall and Danny was on his feet in a second, waiting.

"Something has happened to him! He fell in love with you! And all you ever do is fight these days! I knew this was going to happen, damn it. You're going to fall apart and you're going to take the damn band down with you! What did you fight about this time, huh? Why's he hiding from you?!" The words were practically spit from his mouth.

The accustation and anger in Flyzik's voice was enough to snap my temper and before anyone saw it coming, I punched him in the face, hard. His headed snapped back into the wall and Danny rushed forward as he dropped to his knees holding his face.

"So we're taking the band down, are we? So we're fighting about everything and it's my fault, isn't it? Well, you know what else is going to be my fault? The fact that this tour is cancelled! Because I quit, damn it! I FUCKING QUIT!"

Zack and Rian walked in just as I screamed this at Matt and Danny, and their faces mirrored each others: shocked. Tears burned in my eyes and I wiped them away angrily.

"Now, if no one minds, I'm going to find my boyfriend and my clothes so we can our sorry asses out of here so no one will have to put up with us!"

No one said anything and I stormed out, slamming the door so hard that the floor off the cheap venue rattled underneath my feet. Not even five minutes out into the halls and my knees were shaking so hard that I had to sit down, drawing my arms around my knees and crying. Loud, sobbing noises tore from my chest and I couldn't stop them if I tried.

What if they were right? What if the band was falling apart and we were too blind to see it? It would be better if we left. We'd take the girls and go back home to our house and my dogs and my family and Lisa and Isobel. It'd be the right thing to do. For everyone.

Images and words flashed into my head.

'The lights dimmed and the crowd cheered and the curtains opened, revealing the hundreds of cheering faces in front of us. For a slight minute the stage fright overtook us like it always did, but it was only slight hesitation and then we all started playing, no cues needed, no words necessary. It was just about the music.'

'A crowd of people surrounded us, girls and boys of all ages, but two faces really stood out. An older man, obviously uncomfortable here, and a little girl of perhaps 10. Her face was shining as she looked at me and without even thinking I pushed everyone out of the way and knelt down beside her.
"What's your name, sweetheart?" I smiled at her and she hid her face behind the older man.
"Her name's Emily," the older man said. "She's my granddaughter. She loves you. She has a hard time speaking because of an accident that took her mother's life, and I worried that we'd never hear her lovely voice again. But one day, I came home and I heard the most beautiful sound. She was singing, Alex, singing one of your songs. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. We enrolled her in speech therapy after they realized that it was trauma induced. And she's getting better. But I'd like to think it's all because of your wonderful band's music. Thank you so much."
Tears stung my eyes already, and stung them even more when the little girl ducked her head back out and spoke in a soft but clear, lilting voice.
"Thank you, Alex. You're my therapy." '

' Dear Alex,
I'm a nineteen year old girl who should be dead right now. I know that might not be the most reassuring thing, but I'm alive and it's thanks to All Time Low. I was in a rut, a fucking rut like you descriped in Weightless. Things just weren't going my way and I stopped caring about life. I was living recklessly: drugs, alcohol, unprotected sex. I just wanted to be noticed, to be cared about. Any attention was better than none. I was long on my way to ending up pregnant, in jail, or dead. One night, my best friend asked me to go with her to a concert of some band I'd never really cared about. I went because I didn't want her to be alone. Halfway through the show, during the end of the second opening act's performance, I went to get a drink at the bar and got into an argument with the bartender because he wouldn't serve me alcohol. He was lewd and gross, but he said he'd give me as much as I wanted to drink for some 'favors'. And I was about ready to accept, because I was that deperate, when out of nowhere, a voice of an angel spoke up.
"If you serve that girl alcohol, you're going to deal with me. And if I ever hear you propositing a girl again, you're going to deal with a lot more than me. Have some respect." And then you took me by the arm and steered me over to a corner. I expected to have you bitch me out, to tell me I was good for nothing and disgusting and worthless and I'd already worked myself into quite an anger, but you surprised me. You took out a flask and held it out to me. "Take some," you said. But for some reason, I couldn't. I could smell the alcohol but suddenly it made me sick instead of tempting me.
You asked me who I was there with, and I told you my best friend. And you looked at me, right at me, and it was the first time that anyone had ever looked at ME. The real, vulnerable, insecure, loving, help-seeking, me. Not the mask that I always wore. And you told me, Alex, you told me the most beautiful words I'd ever heard.
"Your best friend needs you. She needs you to laugh and to cry and she needs you to respect yourself and she needs you to love your family and she needs you to date decent boys and she needs you to be here in 10 years to catch the bouquet at her wedding while your boyfriend laughs across the room and she needs you to be there when her first born comes into the world and she needs you to mourn her when she dies at a ripe old age and she needs to be buried beside her and live forever after in a beautiful place. And I need you, too. I need you to promise me you'll remember that you're not alone. I'm always just a song away. Give my music a chance and I promise you that you'll realize you don't need the drugs or the alcohol to escape - you'll just need music."
Well, Alex, I didn't give your music a chance that night. Instead, I went to my best friend and I told her that I needed to go to the hospital. She didn't balk - she drove me there herself and she called my parents and went and got my clothes and she cried for me when I signed the papers, locking myself into an asylum for six months. And when I came out, it was the most beautiful thing. I realized I needed her as much as she needed me - and I realized that I need you, too. It's been six months that I've been clean. I'm dating a wonderful boy, I'll be getting my diploma next month, and me and Marley (my best friend) are actually going to see you perform tonight. You better not disappoint, Gaskarth! You gave me a chance, so I'm giving you a chance. Just don't let me down and I'll never let you down."
All my love,
Hannah. '

All the images floated in my head to the point where I thought I was going to pass out. I could almost swear that I could hear the crowd calling my name, but that was impossible because they were too far away.
"Alex."
I blinked, looking around. There was no way I'd imagined that.

"Alex."

There it was again. I got to my feet and looked around. I heard scuffling noises but couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from.

"Is anyone there?" I called out loudly.

"Alex?!" There was no mistaking it this time. It was faint, from further down the hallway, but it was Jack nonetheless.

"Where are you, Jack?" I asked. "What door?"

"The unmarked black one - it's locked, I don't know what happened. It closed on me and it wouldn't open and I have no signal and I called but no one heard me. Did I miss the show? Alex, I'm so sorry, I-"

His apology stopped midsentence as I wrestled open the door and fell to the floor. The door had been more than locked, it seemed like it was almost glued shut. I looked up at Jack and got to my knees, taking his face in my hands.

"Are you okay?" I asked, caressing his face softly.

"I'm f-fine," he said. "I was just s-scared. It was dark and the door wouldn't open and I didn't know if anyone would find me and I knew everyone would be mad and -"

Once again, I cut him off midsentence, this time with a kiss.

"It's not your fault, Jack. But what are you doing here in the first place?"

Confusion crossed his face. "You left me a note saying to meet you here?" he said questioningly.

"No, I didn't," I said.

Jack reached into his pocket, looking for the note. "I must have left in on the dresser. I'm positive, Lex. It was signed from you and everything. Are you sure you don't remember writing a note?"

The worry in Jack's voice made me think twice. I didn't need to make him think something was wrong. So I lied. "OH RIGHT. Yes, I did. I gave it to Colussy earlier today, but then Flyzik was talking about a bunch of stuff and I got distracted and forgot - I'm sorry, Jacky."

"It's okay. So, is everyone mad?" he sounded like a child and I kissed his cheek softly.

"Er ... we'll do damage control later! Come on, we have a show to play!" I pulled him to his feet and we flew down the corridor together.

It was only after the show that it hit me - the note had been nowhere to be seen. If someone was trying to mess with his head, they were doing a pretty damn good job.