We'll Tell The Saddest Story Of How We Made It Through This Past Year.

Everyone was bitchy and it was getting on my nerves. No one seemed to be able to do what they were told to do, and I don't just mean my two girls. I'd asked Rian and Zack to help me fill out some papers that I needed done and so far they hadn't done it. I'd asked Flyzik to call the venue to see about extra parking and he hadn't done that. Even Vinny had been mean to me when I'd simply asked him a question so I'd yelled at him. I wanted to kill everyone.

Rian walked in just then, on the phone, his smile huge and obviously happy. I watched as he got a drink and peeled a banana and then the moment he hung up the phone I turned to him, glaring at him. He was already halfway to the door, obviously trying to sneak out before I saw him.

"I haven't forgotten your papers, Alex," he said, instantly throwing his hands up in defense. "I have them right here, but Cass called and she was having problems and -"

I cut him off rudely. "Whatever, Rian. Where's Zack?" I hadn't seen any sign of our resident hulk since that morning and it was starting to annoy me. Why was everyone trying to avoid me? "I need to ask him something about Stella."

Rian looked out the window, and I followed his gaze. Zack was outside sitting under a tree with Jack, Jack's head on his chest. Jack looked miserable and my heart clenched. I knew that I really should go out there and talk to him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"Oh," I simply said instead, and slumped down, facing the wall. I picked absently at a piece of paper on the wall, ignoring the look that I knew Rian would be giving me.

Flyzik walked in then. "Hey, Alex, I called the venue and -"

"About time," I said, sitting up straight and glaring at him. "I only asked you to do that, oh, what, an hour ago?"

Matt's smile faded and he narrowed his eyes at me. "Don't use that tone of voice with me, Alex. I'm not your bandmates or your boyfriend, you can't boss me around and intimidate me." He crossed his arms and glared at me.

"Yeah, and speaking of your boyfriend, just because you two are fighting doesn't mean that you can take it out on the rest of us," Vinny said, walking in the already crowded room and grabbing a water bottle. "I don't appreciate it at all, Alex."

"Yeah, me either," Matt agree. "Either you talk to Jack or you don't, thats your problem, but you don't take it out on the rest of us. While Jack may be stuck with you, we're not. It's easy to walk, you know." He glared at me again and held out a paper. "Here's the damn information that you wanted from the venue, your highness. I had to wait for them to fax it, next time I'll tell them to make sure they have it here in less than an hour, all right?" When I didn't take the paper, he slammed it on the table and squeezed by me out the door.

I dropped my head onto my lap. I felt a hand on mine and looked up to see Rian. He smiled at me, a sad smile. "Talk to him, Lex. You know that it's not his fault."

"Not this time," I said. "But there have been other times and there will be other times and I can't trust him. I just can't."

"Lex, he's as new to this as you are. He's vulnerable. You know that. He needs you, and instead of showing him that you need him too, you're pushing him away. The more you convince yourself that you'll be fine without him, the more you'll find that you might have to be without him because you'll have lost him. Honestly, Alex, I don't think its Jack who's the problem right now. It's someone else, but you're too blind to see it. And I can't tell you, because until you figure it out yourself, you're not going to believe a word that anyone says." He got up from the table, not even finishing his banana. "Go talk to him, or don't bother coming to talk to me again."

I sighed, and looked out the window again. Zack was walking back this way, leaving Jack sitting alone, his knees drawn up to his chest and looking like a lost puppy.

I headed to the door and was intercepted by Zack. "If you're going to talk to him just to yell at him some more or make him feel unwanted, don't bother. He already wishes he was dead."

Dead. That word alarmed me. "Zack, you don't think he'd ever try to, well, you know?"

Zack looked at me, his eyes brutally honest. He shrugged, a deliberately frustrating gesture. "I couldn't tell you, Lex. I'm not him. But you know, if he did try, well, I couldn't blame him."

More worried than I had been, I jogged out of the bus and down the small path to the tree where Jack was sitting. I stopped just in front of him, my shoes touching his. It took a minute for him to look up at me.

He waved at me, his gesture giving nothing away, but his eyes did.

"Hi," I murmured, and dropped down beside him. "Jack, I'm an idiot."

"I know that already," he mumbled softly, but I heard him anyway and surpressed a giggle. This was no laughing matter. I reached out my hand to take his, but he pulled his hand away, shoving them into his pockets.

"Kyle told me what happened," I said softly, deciding to tell him the truth. I didn't want him to hurt anymore. He was my baby, my love, and Rian was right. I needed him. "He told me that didn't know that the Cokes had been spiked with rum. They were Austin's, and they'd gotten mixed up with his. It's not your fault, babe."

"But you wish it was," he said, breaking the silence. His voice was rough and it was quite obvious that he'd been crying. "You wish you could have a reason to blame me, to hate me." Tears overflowed from his dark eyes, spilling down his cheeks, and he lowered his gaze, his wet eyelashes brushing his cheeks.

I didn't know what to say. "Jack, why would you even think that?"

He hiccuped, and still didn't look at me. "Because I'm not good enough. I'm not as good with the girls as you, I'm not as musically talented as you, I can't cook or clean like you. I'm still growing up and you don't have time to help me."

I started to interrupt, horrified with what he was saying, but he cut me off and finished what he had to say. "It's okay though, I get that the girls are more important. They need you more than I do. And I still love them. But maybe-" his voice shook really hard here and I had to lean forward to hear him. "- maybe I don't love them like you. Or maybe they don't love me like they love you. And maybe you don't love me like I love you."

I watched helplessly as he dropped his head into his hands, sobbing. I wanted to reach out to him but I was scared that my touch was going to be rejected. Instead I sat shaking, biting my lip to keep the tears from flooding my cheeks.

After an eternity, he looked up at me. His eyes were red and his hair was messy. His dark eyes were glossy and he looked at me, the light reflecting in his irises and making his eyes look endless. I reached out a hand, laying a hang on his cheek. His skin was flushed and warm and I could still feel him trembling.

"Jack, I love you," I whispered hoarsely. "Come here."

I pulled him into my arms as he started to cry again and I held him, stroking his back until his breathing finally calmed.

"Jack, listen to me. Listen to me very, very carefully." I felt him nod and I took a deep breath. "Jack, I'm overwhelmed. I'm confused. I'm mixed up and I don't know where I'm going. I'm lost and vulnerable and I'm pushing everyone away because I don't want them to see me at anything other than my best. But you, but you, Jack Barakat, have seen me at my worst and my best and everything in between. You've picked me up as many times as I've picked you up. Yes. we've knocked each other down, probably wanted to knock each other out, too. But I love you, and I can't do this alone. You're not the only one who's still growing up, Jack. I'm still growing up, too."

I felt eyes on us and looked to see Matt, Vinny, Rian, and Zack with their heads pressed against the windows of the bus. I flipped them off and kept going.

"I'm still growing up too, Jack, still learning. And I don't think I'll be done any time soon. Life is about growing up and learning from experience. I don't want to grow up alone, Jack. I don't want to grow old being cold and lonely and still regretting my mistakes because I didn't know enough to learn from them. I want you to be there, helping me and holding me and hitting me if and when I'll deserve it."

Jack looked at me then, his eyes shining and his smile growing. He kissed me then, his lips soft yet demanding. I kissed him back, running my hands through his hair and pulling him agaisnt me, feeling every inch of his body lining mine as his hands ran under my shirt, heating up my skin and giving me chills.

"This is what I want," I said against his ear as I kissed his cheek. "Just you. Always you. As a friend, as a boyfriend, as a lover, as everything." I kissed him again, loving the feeling of his body coming alive under mine.

"And the girls love you, too. They always will. We're their heroes, Jack. There's nothing so scary in life as being someone's hero."

He nuzzled in my neck. "We're just human, though," he said softly, nipping at my neck. I felt my body harden under his touch and pulled him onto my lap, letting him feel how he affected me.

"Yes, we're just human, but I wouldn't want to be anything else, would you?"

He grinded against me slowly and I kissed his neck. He moaned slightly and teased me, rubbing his hand over my crotch. I really hoped the others had stopped watching us by now. I dug my nails into his back slightly, and he pressed his lips agaisnt my ear.

"Being human has never felt so damn good," he whispered, and rolled me over, pinning me to the ground and kissing me like there was no tomorrow.