Unwhispered Words

A week had passed since my encounter with Hermione, and I was still unable to erase the memory from my mind. I was progressively beginning to feel worse for her with each second that passed, and all I wanted to do was run up to the object of her affection and scream in his face “What is wrong with you, Ronald Weasley?! Are you really THAT much of a moron?!”

But I didn’t.

Instead, I passed him in the halls, silent and invisible, cursing him in my mind, fists balled up from resisting the urge to smack him. I would watch Hermione in classes I shared with both of them, easily detecting the yearning in her eyes. It was as if I could personally feel how much she longed for him. It honestly made me sick to my stomach. It was a feeling I never wanted to put myself through.

It probably didn’t help that Professor Slughorn was teaching how to brew a love potion in Potion’s class, and every day I was surrounded by the most enticing smells of Curve cologne, freshly baked cookies, and the essence of jasmine.

And speaking of classes, I was swamped with classwork. All my free time was spent writing essays and practicing spells, and more than anything, just reading my course books and doing my best to stay caught up. It wasn’t easy, but what else did I have to do? It kept me preoccupied. However, sometimes too much is simply too much.

I strutted toward Professor McGonagall’s office, eager for an administrator’s opinion on my current overload of a situation. She smiled warmly when I entered.

“I was wondering when I would be seeing you again, Miss Peverell.”

I sighed, defeated. “I tried Professor, I really did, but I don’t think even Hermione Granger could handle all this classwork!”

She chuckled. “Miss Granger faced this problem a few years ago, and it was a challenging task for her as well.”

Surprisingly, hearing this made me feel slightly better.

“Please, have a seat. I’ve been wanting to speak to you. I know we’ve only been back at Hogwart’s for a little over a week, but I was thinking you may have been introduced to some new career ideas.”

There was a moment of silence while I thought about how to respond.

“Can I be honest with you, Professor?”

She responded with a curt nod, her eyes lighting up.

“I’ve always liked to believe I’m a modest person. I keep to myself, and do my best to remain true to that. I’ve opened myself up to every conceivable opportunity this school can offer academically, and I’ve considered every option. I could be a Professor, a Department Head at the Ministry for Muggle Studies, or even work at St. Mungo’s, just to name a few, and yet, none of these have truly captured my attention long enough to make me want to pursue them.”

I paused, catching my breath, before continuing.

“Then this whole mess occurred with Pansy Parkinson, when she attacked me the first day back to school. I can remember the moment she caught me off guard and my body was lifted into the air, and never have I ever been so angry and disappointed in myself at the same time.

A smile began to tug at the corners of her lips, because she knew what I was about to say. She mouthed the word as I spoke it out loud, deciding to just put it out there.

“Auror.”

She chuckled, and sighed. I looked at her, confused.

“Miss Peverell, do you remember you first year at Hogwart’s? Or, more particularly, your first day?”

I stretched my memory, trying to remember that first day, before I shook my head, unable to think of anything.

“No, Professor, all I remember is being sorted into Slytherin.”

She laughed again. “I remember it as if it was only yesterday, and I don’t see how you can’t! Have you ever considered that maybe there is a reason why Miss Parkinson has always been so crude to you?”

That’s when it hit me. The first day, in the Great Hall.. I had just been sorted into Slytherin, right after, of all people, Draco Malfoy. I sat beside him when suddenly, an ugly, pug-faced girl snatched me up by my hair and threw me to the ground, out of the seat, and planting herself in it. Enraged, I stood up behind her, glaring at the back of her head, wishing nothing more than to throw her into a pit of fire and watch her body burn, when BAM! Her head was covered in flames.

I had no idea how I had done it, and frankly, I didn’t care, as everything in the Great Hall went quiet, all eyes on Pansy, as I crept away, finding an unoccupied seat further down, never taking my eyes off her, snickering. Then she began to scream in pain. Many of the teachers rushed towards her, trying to extinguish the ever-growing flames, but to no avail. Next thing I knew, someone was covering my eyes, turning my head away.

“Be still!” they hissed as I squirmed against their grasp. It was the first time I had ever been spoken to directly by Professor McGonagall, and it was the only time I’ve ever heard fear in her voice.

“Do not move.” she ordered.

I remained motionless, waiting for the moment when I would be able to see again. When she finally removed her hands, Pansy was gone and Professor Dumbledore was beginning his first of the year speech.

I returned to reality, and I could feel myself smirking, something I rarely did.

“I remember now.”

She smiled, but you could see confusion lingering in her eyes. “I thought you might, which brings me back to the topic at hand. I have no doubt in my mind that you can be an Auror, Miss Peverell, but it is a very dangerous job. One that will take an immense amount of training and dedication, however, it will also take a willingness to be cruel to others, possibly hurting them, or even killing them.. It can be a deep burden to bear. Is this something you are absolutely sure of?”

I was sure, and I knew, in my heart, that this was something I’ve always wanted, even if I hadn’t been able to say it out loud until now. I didn’t want to be like my mother, my father, or even Chase, who was choosing to follow in their footsteps. No, I wanted to create a life all my own.

Without any form of hesitation in my voice, I replied, “Yes, I’m sure.”

She nodded, frowning a little, and sighed.

“So be it.”