The Big Empty

Shannon and Kati sat on the white leather couch while they waited for Shan’s therapist, Dr. Fernandez to enter the room. He had been seeing the therapist for little over a month now and so far things had been good. Shannon had stopped drinking. His mood was finally leveling out with the help of some medication. He was going back to the gym. But most importantly, he was becoming the man he once was.

This was the first session Kati had attended with Shannon. Dr. Fernandez had mentioned that it would be a good idea to talk to the couple together. They could each express their feelings in a healthy environment and the therapist could asses their issues and possible help them threw them.

The door creaked open and the short, pudgy, Spanish man walked through the door. He was dressed in a pair of kaki slacks and a button-up blue shirt. Like the typical doctor, he held a wooden clipboard in his hands. The door shut on it’s own as he approached the couple.

“Hello, Shannon. You must be the lucky lady.” Dr. Fernandez stuck his hand out and Kati returned the gesture and shook his hand gently.

“I’m Kati. It’s nice to meet you.” She smiled sweetly and nervously dropped her hand from his and went back to holding onto her husband’s rough hands.

The therapist took a seat in a black leather chair and instantly crossed his legs. He stared at the couple for a few seconds; observing their body language. They sat close to each other. Shannon’s arm was draped around the back of the couch while his other hand held onto Kati’s very tightly. He looked slightly distressed while Kati looked nervous.

“So, let’s get right into things. I asked you join your husband because the things that have happened between you two have been a reoccurring issue. Shannon has expressed many times the guilt that he feels for all of the pain he’s put you through. Even though you may not have any reason to feel guilty, Kati, I’m sure you still do. It’s normal in these situations.” Dr. Fernandez took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I want you two, one at a time, to tell each other how you feel about what has happened.” The doctor picked up his pen then looked at Kati, “Do you want to start.”

Kati swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded her head nervously, “Sure.” She pulled her hand away from Shan’s slowly and placed both of her hand in her lap and stared down at her hands. “You’ve hurt me a lot, Shan, emotionally and physically. I know most people blame it on your alcoholism and it seems like a legit reason, but I don’t buy it. I never have. For awhile now I’ve come to believe you don’t love me anymore. I think you are just with me so you have somebody to take out your frustrations on.” She paused and took a deep breath. “Don’t get me wrong, these past two weeks have been great. I feel like we are back where we were, but I still have a lot of resentment towards you. I hate to say this, but I am almost positive you are going to slip back into your old ways and I don’t want you to expect me to stick around. The next time you lay a hand on me, I’m packing my stuff and taking the animals and I’m leaving. I’m going to go home.” By this time Kati was crying and Shannon was on the verge of tears himself. “Regardless all of the hate I have inside my heart, I still love you. No matter what I will always love you. I just want you to get better.”

Shannon turned himself so he was facing his wife. He took her into his arms immediately and placed soft kissed all over her face until she chuckled. As he pulled away he put his hands up to her face and stared into her eyes. “If I ever hurt you again, in any way, I want you to leave. I don’t deserve you. You’ve done nothing but try to help me and I’ve treated you like shit. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I’ve turned into this force to be reckoned with. At this point, if I could go back in time and change everything I would. I would have told Jay not to get on that plane. He’d still be here and nothing would have happened between us. We’d all be happy. We’d all be a family.” Finally the tears that were building up for what seemed like hours finally began pouring from his eyes, “Please, just have some faith in me. I can change and I swear I will.”

The therapist asked a few more mundane question that really didn’t seem that important and then asked Kati if she could excuse herself. .”Sure. I’ll be down at the Starbucks, Shan.” Kati smiled sweetly and kissed her husband softly on the cheek before exiting the room.

Kati was stood in the line waiting to have her order taken. She breathed in deeply and let the smell of java and freshly baked goods infiltrate her senses. Finally the cashier came back to the register, “Hi! What can I get you?”

“I’ll have a grande caramel iced coffee, please.”

“Is that all?” The girl behind the counter asked nicely.

“Actually, since you mentioned it, give me two. In the second one, make sure it has two shots of expresso, please.”

By the time the drinks were ready, Shannon still wasn’t back, so Kati took a seat in the far corner. She sat the two cups of coffee on the table and pulled out her iPhone. She checked her email, her Facebook, and her Twitter. A few messages from her work about hours changing for the upcoming winter season and a few kind-hearted tweets from fans wishing her and Shannon well. It always gave Kati a warm feeling inside of heart to know the Echelon loved her just as much as the rest of the band. They truly were a family; a very close knit one.

As Kati was scrolling through her personal Tumblr she felt as if somebody was staring at her. She automatically assumed it was her husband, “It’s about time, Shan!” She giggled softly.

“Uh, I’m sorry. I’m not Shannon.” Kati looked her to see a petite girl who looked to be no older than fifteen. Her face seemed to be flushed and her lips quivered slightly. “I-I’m Kalie. I just wanted to meet you.”

“Hi, Kalie! It’s nice to meet you!” Kati moved Shan’s coffee toward her own, “You wanna sit down?”

“I can’t believe how nice you are.” Kalie laughed nervously. Kati found herself chuckling as well. “I would love to sit down with you, but my mother is waiting for me. I was just hoping I could get a picture with you.”

“Awe, sure, no problem.” Kati stuck her iPhone in the pocket of her black jacket and stood up promptly.

The girl called out to her mom, “Mom, can you come take the picture?”

The older lady walked over with a smile plastered on her face as well, “Sure, sweetie. You must be Shannon’s wife. My daughter is always talking about his band. I’m sorry to hear about your loss.”

“Mom!” Kalie called out, obviously she was embarrassed.

“It’s alright, Kalie.” Kati turned back to her mother, “Thank you.”

Soon enough Kati stood with Kalie in a friendly embrace and her mother snapped the photo. They said their goodbyes and Kati took her sit once more. As soon as she did, her husband came waltzing in the door with his sunglasses perched on his nose and his black beanie pulled down to his eyebrows.

Kati whistled to catch his attention and he made his way toward the table in the corner. He sat down cautiously and began peering around him. His wife raised her eyebrow and coughed lightly, “Shan, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Shannon wipe his nose with the back of his hand.

“I got you a coffee.” She pushed it towards him. “Are you sure you are okay? You seem a bit shaken up.”

“You wouldn’t believe it if I told you.”

“Shannon, I’ve seen some pretty crazy shit. I think I can handle it.” She scoffed.

“I thought I just saw Jared.”