The Big Empty

Shannon smiled nervously at his wife as they walked down the red carpet hand-in-hand. It had been the first MTV Video Music Awards he had attended without his brother. In fact, it had been the first awards ceremony ever that he attended without Jared. Even though his wife, Haley, Tomo, and Vicki were there for support, it wouldn’t be an easy task to sit through the entire show. He had to do it though. MTV had put together a tribute for Jared and Shannon needed to be there for that.

Tomo patted Shannon on his back, “Are you going to be okay, man?”

Shan nodded his head, “I’ll be alright. Thanks.”

“No problem. We’re all here for you.”

As Shannon went to go to look at his wife, she had been pulled aside by photographers and interviewers. He took a moment to take in his beautiful attire. Kati’s dress was simple, yet elegant. It was a long, red satin dress that clung to every curve her body had to offer. That alone was enough to make Shannon hot and bothered. His gaze traveled downwards until they reached her six inch stilettos. That’s when he took notice to the slit that ended at the middle of her thigh. She wasn’t wearing any panty hose. That took Shannon’s mind to a not-so-innocent place as he thought about her bare skin on his. He quickly shook the thoughts from his head as Kati waved him over.

“And here we have Shannon Leto. How are you tonight?” The reported asked him politely.

“I’m doing alright. It’ll be a tough night, but I think we can do it.” He nodded proudly and walked away before anymore questions about his brother would be brought up. They were all pulled to the side several times before they finally made it inside. Everybody’s nerves were shot so they took their seats and anxiously awaited the moment they’d have to see Jared on the big screen.

Kati leaned over the arm rest and rested her chin on Shannon’s shoulder, “I love you. We’ll get through this together.” She smiled softly. “If at any moment you feel uncomfortable, just tell me. We’ll leave, alright?”

Shannon looked down at his wife, “I’ll be alright.” He paused to think about what his next move would be. He had been days since his last breakdown with himself. He prayed he could hold it together. “I’m gonna run to the bathroom real quick.” Kati nodded and he got up quickly and raced down the aisle just as the opening act was about to begin.

Tomo leaned over Haley’s trembling body, “Where is he going?”

“Bathroom.” Kati turned her attention back to the stage.

“Kati, is that really a good idea?”

“Tomo, he’ll be fine.”

Inside the bathroom stall, Shannon sat on the toilet trembling much like Haley. He was having withdrawals from cocaine. He stared at the little glass canister in his hands that was filled the white powdery substance. His thoughts were running. Sweat ran down his forehead in large drops. Finally, he gave in and put the bottle up to his right nostril. Holding his finger on the left side of his nose, he snorted heavily. The effects set in immediately.

Shannon walked down the aisle to his seat. He thought he was doing just fine, but anyone else could tell he wasn’t. He was all over the place. He finally made it to his seat with a bang. Everybody eyes in that row snapped toward his slouched stature. Throughout the show Kati stared at his curiously. She had hoped that he was only nervous about giving his speech after Jared’s tribute, but she knew better. She placed her hand on his and Shannon jumped. That’s when she knew.

Unfortunately, when Kati was a teenager she had dabbled in drugs, so she knew the signs. She remembered when Shannon took her out for the first time, she completely opened up to him about her past addictions. Shannon promised to take care of her and to never let her slip back into such things. But now that he was an addict himself, Kati felt lied to and betrayed once more.

“Shan, what were you doing?”

He placed his hand on her neck and rubbed it quickly, “N-n-nothing.”

The lights dimmed and well-known photographer Terry Richardson took the stage. His outfit of choice resembled the one he had wore to Jared’s funeral. That struck a nerve in everybody.

“It’s an honor for me to be here. To be able to pay tribute to one of my best friends. To most, he was a talented actor and musician. To those who knew him personally, he was a son, a brother, a husband, and a friend.” Terry paused for a moment in an attempt to hold back tears. By this point, most already had tears falling. Kati held onto Haley as she cried softly. Tomo held Vicki’s hand in a strong embrace. Shannon sat there as if nothing could phase him. “On numerous occasions him and I had the talk about what would happen if he were forced to leave this Earth earlier than most. I always laughed it off and told him that he would never die. It was an ongoing joke between the two of us, but we all know that nobody lives forever, maybe in our hearts, but not physically. I think it’s safe to say that Jared Leto will be missed by many.”

The lights dimmed as Terry stepped back from the microphone. We all looked up to the screen. L490 began to play as an array of photos, short clips, and quotes from Jared appeared on the screen. The tribute lasted for about three minutes. By the end of it, most cries were audible. Terry approached the microphone once more as Shannon and Tomo made their way up the stairs onto the stage. “Shannon Leto and Tomo Milicevic.”

By the end of Tomo’s speech, the three girls had slouched so low in their seats they were practically on the floor. Shannon could not control his shakes. His eyes kept twitching. Before he could speak any nonsense, Tomo and Terry rushed him off the stage.