One and Only

Walking to and from school every day was the best and worst part of my day. It was the best because I would walk to school with Richie, my best friend. It was the worst for that very same reason – I would walk to school with Richie, my best friend, the boy I’m secretly in love with.

Richie and I had been through everything together. We’d grown up together, spent every waking second with each other. I came out first, two years ago, when I was 15. Richie then came out when he was 16. I think he’d known at the same time I had, but his family was a lot less accepting that mine had been, so I didn’t blame him for hesitating. Sure his family still love him, but I could see that things were slightly more strained after Richie had come forward with his sexuality. A year had passed since he’d come out, but he was still awkward about actually being gay. This, obviously, made me wary about how I should express my feelings to him. And not only that, but he was my best friend. And I couldn’t stand it if I ruined that by being stupid and saying something that was better kept to myself. But that was okay. I don’t think I could handle the whole putting-your-heart-on-the-line thing anyway. I’d be much too scared. Richie didn’t think of me in that way either, which sort of made my decision for me. He didn’t like me – there was no point me coming clean about my feelings.

Our other friend, Beth, also walked with us to school. Ever since I could remember it had just been the 3 of us, we were best friends, always had been and always would be. Beth knew how I felt about Richie – and she urged me to tell him the truth – but she’d promised not to say anything. I would die of embarrassment if he found out from someone other than me. Not that he was going to find out from me anyway… But I just didn’t want him finding out at all. It was better this way. I could enjoy seeing him every day, spending time with him in the evening and at the weekends. There was no awkwardness, and sure, I did sometimes wish we could be more than just friends, but it was okay. I’d take Richie as a friend and secretly pine away for him over telling him the truth and losing him forever.

--

One morning, that had started off no different from any other morning, I went outside to meet up with Beth and Richie before school as usual. Except Richie wasn’t there. Beth was, and she was looking down the street towards Richie’s house as I approached her. “Has he texted you to say he isn’t coming?” she asked me and I shook my head.
“No,” I said. “I haven’t spoken to him since we walked home from school.” That, in itself, was unusual.
“Shall we go see if he’s home?” she asked and I instantly nodded, feeling the need to check that he was okay. We headed off down the road. None of us lived far from one another – Richie only lived about 5 houses down the road from me.

Once we reached his front door, we walked up the path and to the front door. For some reason, my heart was racing in my chest as dread seemed to settle in my stomach. “Are you going to knock?” Beth asked. I looked at her blankly and then she sighed and knocked for me. Only a minute later, we heard movement the other side of the door and it swung open. I gasped at what I saw. Richie was standing in the doorway in his pyjamas, but most noticeable, was the bruise on his cheek, just below the bone. Richie quickly slammed the door on us, but I’d already seen it. A quick glance at Beth confirmed that she’d seen it to.
“Richie!” Beth suddenly shouted. “Open up!”
“Go away!” he called back. His voice was shaking and I so desperately wanted to hold him, to look after him. I wasn’t concerned with who had done it, not right now at least, I just wanted to make sure he was okay.
“Richie, please!” I called, slightly more gently. “Let us in.”
“I don’t want to,” he said feebly. I closed my eyes, blinking back the tears that had formed there.
“Please,” I said gently, leaning against the wood of the door as, I guessed, he would be doing.
“No,” he whimpered. I sighed and looked at Beth desperately, but she didn’t seem to know what to do either.
“Richie, what happened?” I asked, wishing that we were having this conversation face to face rather than through a door.
“Nothing,” he said adamantly and I sighed.
“I know something happened,” I told him. “You didn’t do that to yourself.”
“Nothing happened,” he snapped and then I heard his retreating footsteps.

I sighed and lowered my head. “Dan,” Beth said from beside me and I turned to her. “We need to get to school…”
“I’m not leaving him like this,” I told her and she smiled and nodded.
“I’ve already missed too many days this month, so I can't really…” she said with a light frown. I just nodded.
“I know, its fine,” I said. “Grab any work for me, okay?” She smiled and nodded.
“Text me if you find out what happened,” she said as she started down the road. I just nodded and turned back to the house again.

His parents cars were both gone, so I knew Richie was on his own inside the house. I banged on the door for a minute, hoping that if I was aggressive enough, that would knock some sense into his and he’d open the door. It didn’t work. I sighed and then made my way around the side of the house, hoping that the back door was unlocked. I rattled the handle and grinned – I was in luck. One of his parents must have left it unlocked when they left for work. I let myself in, not feeling the least bit guilty about it. “Richie?” I called out and a moment later I heard movement above me and I knew he was coming down from his bedroom.
“What are you doing?” he asked me, clearly angry.
“I, um, “ I stammered, shocked at his anger.
“Did you not get it? I don’t want to see you. Leave me alone,” he said and I frowned.
“No,” I said. Sure, he could have kicked me out if he really wanted to – it was his house after all – but I wasn’t going to go without a fight. He didn’t argue back, just glared at me. My gaze shifted from his eyes down to his bruised cheek. “Who did that?” I whispered, fear swirling in my gut. Richie turned away and headed out of the room. I just followed, because I sure as hell wasn’t leaving.
“I went down to the store last night,” he said as he went into the living room. He wasn’t looking at me and I knew he wasn’t going to. “And…there were these guys hanging around outside…and they started calling me a…f-fag and stuff…and it just…” He trailed off with a sigh and I wanted to reach out and hold him so badly. “…It just got worse. They forced me down into this alley next to the store and…” He trailed off with a shrug that thinly concealed a shiver.
“Did they…um…” I was scared to ask, scared of the answer. I looked up into his eyes and he must have caught on as he smiled weakly and shook his head.
“They didn’t rape me,” he said. “Just…this.” He motioned to his cheek and then his chest. I frowned gently, realising that it was probably worse than I had initially thought.
“You should be in bed,” I told him and his eyes snapped up to mine but I couldn’t quite make out the emotion behind his dark gaze.
“I would be, but some people aren’t leaving me alone,” he said pointedly and I shrugged.
“I’m not going to school,” I said. “Come on.” I took his hand – determinedly ignoring the butterflies in my stomach – and led him upstairs to his bedroom. It was just as messy as ever; the floor was hardly visible, but for once I didn’t comment. I just meandered us through the clutter and set him on his bed. “Have you cleaned your cut?” I asked him, hoping that there was only the one.
“No,” he shrugged, settling back on the bed and wincing a bit. I frowned gently and then quickly left the room and headed to the bathroom. I found a small hand towel and a basin, which I filled with warm water, and some disinfectant and plasters. I took everything back into Richie’s bedroom and set the bowl of water down on his bedside table.
“How’d you get home last night?” I asked him as I submerged the towel and then rung it so it wasn’t dripping wet.
“Dunno…” he shrugged. “Walked slowly.” I looked at him for a long moment.
“You should have phoned me, I would have come and helped you,” I told him. But he just shrugged again and I knew I wouldn’t get anything better from him. I tenderly raised the damp towel to his cut cheek and dabbed it gently. He winced again and I tried to be as delicate as I possibly could. I felt like I could start crying at any second, but I forced myself to stay strong. Once I’d dabbed on the disinfectant and placed a plaster over the small cut, I looked up and met his gaze. “Do you have any other cuts?” I asked him softly. He returned my gaze for a moment and then he sighed and nodded before sitting up and raising them hem of his old t-shirt. I gasped – I couldn’t help it – at the sight that met my eyes. But it wasn’t Richie’s beauty I was gasping at, no, that had been marred by dozens of bruises. “Richie…” I whispered, reaching out and carefully running my fingertips over the heated skin. I looked up into his eyes and then pulled back. I quickly got to work cleaning the few cuts on his chest and stomach and then he finally pulled his shirt back down.

Richie relaxed against the pillows on his bed and, before I could stop myself, I reached forward and ran my fingers through his hair. “Get some rest, you’re probably exhausted,” I said softly. “I’ll make you some lunch when you wake up, okay?”
“Dan, I’m not a complete invalid, I can look after myself,” he told me, but I wasn’t going to listen.
“Just…let me take care of you, Richie,” I said tenderly. “Please. Get some rest, I’ll be watching television when you wake up.” He smiled up at me, his eyes shining, and then nodded.
“Thank you,” he whispered. I just smiled softly before heading back out of his room and downstairs.

--

About 3 hours later, I heard gentle footfalls on the stairs, and stood up to go see what was happening. Just as I walked out of the living room, Richie reached the bottom of the stairs. He looked at me for a second and before I could ask how he was feeling, he stepped forward and wrapped himself in my arms and held on tightly. I blinked in surprise and bit back the grin that was fighting to reach the surface as I wrapped my arms tightly around the smaller boy, mindful of the bruises on his chest and ribs. “You feeling better?” I whispered into his hair. Richie just nodded in response, burying himself further into my chest.
“Thank you, Danny,” he said softly. “I’m sorry I was such a jerk this morning…I just…I was…embarrassed, I guess.”
“Hey,” I whispered, hoping to be soothing. “You never have to feel embarrassed in front of me. We’re best friends, we tell each other everything-“ except how I felt about him, “-and you shouldn’t feel like you can't tell me something like this.”
“I know,” he whispered with a soft sigh. “I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologise, Richie,” I said lightly. “Now, come watch Finding Nemo with me.” He grinned as I said the name of his favourite film and we headed into the living room to watch it. I had it already to go in the machine, so we just sat down on the sofa – close, but not too close – and I started the film. I heard Richie sigh gently and I looked over at him to see a small smile curling his lips. I just smiled to myself and didn’t comment.

--

At about 5 o’clock, Beth texted me asking if it was okay for her to come and see Richie. I texted her back saying that of course it was. Plus, it would give me a chance to go home and explain to my mum – who had surely got a call from my school – why I’d skipped the day. “Beth’s coming over,” I told Richie, who was absorbed in watching an episode of friends. He just nodded.

A few minutes later, the doorbell rang. “You answer it,” Richie said. “I don’t want to just in case it isn’t Beth. I don’t want someone asking me what happened.” I smiled gently and nodded as I got up to go answer the door. After unlocking the door, I pulled it open to reveal Beth, smiling softly.
“Hey,” I smiled, closing the door behind her once she’d stepped into the house.
“Hey, how’s Richie?” she asked, lowering her voice to a whisper.
“He’s okay,” I said with a vague shrug. “I think he’s just a bit shaken.” She nodded and then we both headed into the living room. Beth flopped down onto the sofa where I had been sitting only moments ago. “Um, Richie, I’m gonna head home. I need to talk to my mum,” I told him. A frown settled over his features and he quickly turned away from me as he nodded.
“Okay,” he mumbled. My heart sank at his response and I looked desperately at Beth, but she couldn’t really do anything.
“I’ll speak to you later,” I told him. “Text me if you need anything.” He just nodded and I sighed softly and turned away. I left the house quietly and walked down the road towards my house. My mum’s car was in the driveway and I took a deep breath to prepare myself for the long argument that was sure to start as soon as I walked through the door. She wouldn’t approve of me skipping a day of school even if she knew the reason.

--

Just over 2 hours later, after I’d been sent to my room by my very angry mother, my phone vibrated in my pocket. Knowing it would either be Beth or Richie, I rushed to check it. A smile grew on my face when I saw that it was from Richie, and I instantly opened it. I love you, Dan. I am in love with you. As more than a friend, as more than a best friend. I love you.

Not even a second later, I was running. Across my room, down the stairs, out the front door – ignoring my mum’s calls – across my front garden and down the street. But then, when I reached Richie’s door, I froze. What should I do now? Should I just go straight in, or should I ring the bell? I decided to ring the bell. It felt like the butterflies in my stomach were having a party; I’ve never been so nervous in my life. A minute later, Richie opened the door. He smiled shyly when he was it was me and I smiled back. Before either of us could say anything, I stepped forward until I was right in front of him, and then leant down and kissed him. The butterflies seemed to go hyperactive as soon as my lips touched Richie’s, but I didn’t care. I’d been wanting this for over 2 years.

I pulled back after only a minute and gazed down at the beautiful boy. “Wh-What are you doing?” he asked, taking a small step away from me. Hurt and embarrassment instantly flooded my system.
“What? I-I thought that…you…” I stammered, unsure what to say, how to explain. “You texted me…”
“What? No I didn’t…” he said and I felt my face drain of all blood. Had I imagined it? Had I been asleep and dreamt it? Was it just my imagination getting the better of me?
“I did,” a voice said from the living room doorway and Richie and I both turned to Beth.
“You?” I whispered, backing up to the front door. God, I felt so humiliated. I’d gone and kissed Richie, thinking that he liked me back, but he didn’t – doesn’t – and now I’d ruined our friendship. “Why would you do that?”
“Because,” she said, folding her arms over her chest. “I’m sick of you two. You’re both too scared to say how you feel and you’re too stupid to pick up the signs from the other. I knew it would never happen on its own, so I just…gave you a push in the right direction.”
“But…” I whispered. “That wasn’t a push. That was just…a lie.”
“What did she say?” Richie asked quietly. I bit my lip and lowered my eyes, too embarrassed to meet his gaze. I just pulled my phone from my pocket and handed it to him. He quickly navigated through the phone to my messages. I heard his soft intake of breath as he read the message. “Beth!” he said suddenly, louder than I was expecting. She just shrugged and walked back into the living room, closing the door to give us more privacy.

There was an awkward silence for a moment, when neither of us knew what to say. “I’m, um, gonna go home…” I said quietly, turning away from him and heading to the door.
“No!” Richie cried, latching onto my arm. “Please, don’t. Just, um, wait a second.” I turned back to him but still couldn’t meet his gaze. “I guess, um, I should probably go thank Beth…” he said eventually. I frowned in confusion.
“What?” I whispered, not daring to let myself hope.
“She told you what I never could,” he whispered, ducking his head. I reached forward cautiously until my hand met his cheek and I lifted his head. I finally looked down into those baby blue eyes and felt myself melt just a little.
“Tell me now,” I urged, my voice barely a whisper.
“I love you,” he said softly. My heart seemed to skip a beat as I processed those words.
“Really?” I whispered. Richie just nodded, reverting back to his usual shy self. “I love you, too, Richie.”
“You do?” he mumbled and I smiled and nodded.
“More than anything,” I said gently. I raised his head again and as I gazed down into his eyes, I slowly lowered my head and captured his lips in our second kiss. It was much better than the first, and this one didn’t end with embarrassment and awkwardness. “I love you so much,” I whispered as I held him to me. “I always have.”
“I always will,” he whispered back, his breath hot against my neck. I shivered slightly at the sensation and just squeezed him against me harder.
“Forever,” I agreed.

I was kind of dreading going back into the living room, because I knew Beth would embarrass us both. But that was okay. I had Richie now, by my side always, and really, nothing was going to change that.