I Love You, Lucy
One/One
I continued to stare at the picture as a sigh escaped my dry, chapped lips. It felt like it had just been taken yestereday, but in truth more than eight years had gone by. We were sitting on a bench in front of our high school in North Dakota. One of his long, muscular arms were wrapped around my small figure, and we both had large smiles plastered across our faces. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I grasped the frame tighter in my clammy hands. No one had mentioned his name until today. No one had even whispered it.
“I love you Penn.”
My vision was becoming blurry and his golden face was just a tiny blob. I couldn’t even distinguish the green of his beautiful eyes. My heart yearned to hear his smooth voice just one more time, but I knew that I could never have that pleasure again. A car horn sounded from the street so many feet below my apartment. He would have laughed if he knew that I was currently living in New York. I loved the quiet, country air.
“I love you too darling.”
I put the picture back inside the bottom drawer of my dresser, and slammed it shut. Heavy sobs escaped from somewhere deep inside, from a place that I at one time, thought I had complete control over. I tried to remember the smell of him; earthy and sweet with a tint of muskiness. I missed him so much. I missed our long, deep kisses, and the ones that lasted for the faintest second. I missed how he would cook me dinner even after a long day of work.
“Promise that you’ll never leave me.”
I walked out of my dark bedroom and felt my way toward the bathroom. I hadn’t paid any of my bills. My paycheck didn’t seem to be big enough for everything lately. “Lucy don’t do this, please.” I stopped breathing at the sound of his voice, but that couldn’t be him. He was thousands of miles away. I began to walk again. “Lucy I’m begging you.”
My heart beat irratically as I listened to what sounding like breathing coming from across the room. I had locked the door, and I’ve been here alone since I ran out of my work building. “Leave me alone.” The sound of his voice wasn’t helping my condition any; it was just causing my heart to break more.
“I promise Lucy.”
I reached the bathroom as his voice continued to plead with me, but I tuned it out. He was gone. I pushed the door open and could have sworn I felt his breath on the back of my neck, and his calloused fingers touching my bare shoulders. Goosebumps spread across my flesh as another sob escaped my mouth. “You lied,” I screamed to the darkness, “You said that you’d never leave me!”
“It wasn’t my choice beautiful.” His voice was a quiet whisper, and it reminded me of wind. “It had to be done.” The tears were coming faster now, and I couldn’t contain the wracking sobs. My whole body was burning with anger and depression. It’s hard to believe that I had been able to live normally all of these years without him.
“I promise too then. Now let’s go.”
My hand roamed the sink searching for the cold, metal object. “It’s killing me to see you like this, darling.” His hand was traveling up my arm now and I felt as though I was hyperventilating. “Please just call your friend or something.”
I chuckled and shook my head, “I can’t.” My finger burned as it came into contact with the sharp tip of the blade. “I can’t live without you any longer Penn.” I felt his sigh more than heard it, and his hand finally left my skin; but, everywhere that he touched was tingling.
I found the handle and picked up the knife. “This is it Lucy.” I grabbed it firmly in both hands and brought the point towards my chest slowly until it was just barely digging into my flesh. “This is your moment,” And I plunged the dagger straight into my heart.
“Watch out Penn!”
♦♣♠♥
“Hey baby,” I opened my eyes and felt a smile tug across my lips. Penn was here. He was right here with me, but he wasn’t smiling. He seemed upset. I didn’t care though, I threw my arms around him and kissed him over and over; on his cheek, his forehead, and finally his lips. But he didn’t kiss me back.
“What’s wrong? Aren’t you happy to see me?” I felt tears sting my eyes as I thought of all the time we had been apart. “I missed you so much.”
“Of course I am darling,” His lips twitched but still his face remained serious. “We don’t have much time though.”
My eyebrows knitted together as I pondered his words, “Why not?”
“You’re not meant to be dead sweetheart. It’s not your time.” He placed his hand on top of mine and squeezed it firmly. “I’ve missed you so much, but you have to go back now.”
“But,” I searched his face, “No! I can’t go back. There’s nothing for me there. You’re here and I don’t want to live without you.” His face was already starting to disappear as I spoke and I tried to reach him; but my hands went straight through his body.
“I love you Lucy.”
“I love you Penn.”
My vision was becoming blurry and his golden face was just a tiny blob. I couldn’t even distinguish the green of his beautiful eyes. My heart yearned to hear his smooth voice just one more time, but I knew that I could never have that pleasure again. A car horn sounded from the street so many feet below my apartment. He would have laughed if he knew that I was currently living in New York. I loved the quiet, country air.
“I love you too darling.”
I put the picture back inside the bottom drawer of my dresser, and slammed it shut. Heavy sobs escaped from somewhere deep inside, from a place that I at one time, thought I had complete control over. I tried to remember the smell of him; earthy and sweet with a tint of muskiness. I missed him so much. I missed our long, deep kisses, and the ones that lasted for the faintest second. I missed how he would cook me dinner even after a long day of work.
“Promise that you’ll never leave me.”
I walked out of my dark bedroom and felt my way toward the bathroom. I hadn’t paid any of my bills. My paycheck didn’t seem to be big enough for everything lately. “Lucy don’t do this, please.” I stopped breathing at the sound of his voice, but that couldn’t be him. He was thousands of miles away. I began to walk again. “Lucy I’m begging you.”
My heart beat irratically as I listened to what sounding like breathing coming from across the room. I had locked the door, and I’ve been here alone since I ran out of my work building. “Leave me alone.” The sound of his voice wasn’t helping my condition any; it was just causing my heart to break more.
“I promise Lucy.”
I reached the bathroom as his voice continued to plead with me, but I tuned it out. He was gone. I pushed the door open and could have sworn I felt his breath on the back of my neck, and his calloused fingers touching my bare shoulders. Goosebumps spread across my flesh as another sob escaped my mouth. “You lied,” I screamed to the darkness, “You said that you’d never leave me!”
“It wasn’t my choice beautiful.” His voice was a quiet whisper, and it reminded me of wind. “It had to be done.” The tears were coming faster now, and I couldn’t contain the wracking sobs. My whole body was burning with anger and depression. It’s hard to believe that I had been able to live normally all of these years without him.
“I promise too then. Now let’s go.”
My hand roamed the sink searching for the cold, metal object. “It’s killing me to see you like this, darling.” His hand was traveling up my arm now and I felt as though I was hyperventilating. “Please just call your friend or something.”
I chuckled and shook my head, “I can’t.” My finger burned as it came into contact with the sharp tip of the blade. “I can’t live without you any longer Penn.” I felt his sigh more than heard it, and his hand finally left my skin; but, everywhere that he touched was tingling.
I found the handle and picked up the knife. “This is it Lucy.” I grabbed it firmly in both hands and brought the point towards my chest slowly until it was just barely digging into my flesh. “This is your moment,” And I plunged the dagger straight into my heart.
“Watch out Penn!”
♦♣♠♥
“Hey baby,” I opened my eyes and felt a smile tug across my lips. Penn was here. He was right here with me, but he wasn’t smiling. He seemed upset. I didn’t care though, I threw my arms around him and kissed him over and over; on his cheek, his forehead, and finally his lips. But he didn’t kiss me back.
“What’s wrong? Aren’t you happy to see me?” I felt tears sting my eyes as I thought of all the time we had been apart. “I missed you so much.”
“Of course I am darling,” His lips twitched but still his face remained serious. “We don’t have much time though.”
My eyebrows knitted together as I pondered his words, “Why not?”
“You’re not meant to be dead sweetheart. It’s not your time.” He placed his hand on top of mine and squeezed it firmly. “I’ve missed you so much, but you have to go back now.”
“But,” I searched his face, “No! I can’t go back. There’s nothing for me there. You’re here and I don’t want to live without you.” His face was already starting to disappear as I spoke and I tried to reach him; but my hands went straight through his body.
“I love you Lucy.”