Be What Tomorrow Needs

The desert no longer felt like home to me. But neither did anywhere else, so I continued wandering the zones, caught somewhere between life and death. Maybe I’m being dramatic. I was physically healthy, but mentally I was as unstable as an elephant on a tightrope. There was only one person that helped me hold onto my sanity.

The girl was sitting in the front seat of my Mustang, watching the flat, dry landscape pass her by. She was always quiet like that; she spent most of her time simply observing. It was like she had to drink in everything around her.

I admired everything about her. For some strange reason, she seemed to look to me for a role model. That was probably the last thing that I should have been at that point, but I tried my best. I put on a brave face every morning and wore the mask until she fell asleep. Only then did I allow myself to hurt.

The girl herself did the same for me, I was certain. She was just as broken, but I hadn’t seen her shed a tear since her second day with me. Despite her overwhelming strength, she still needed reassurance and the occasional hug. I was always happy to indulge her.

She still hadn’t chosen a name for herself, but we had all given her our own little pet names. Shock still called her ‘Girl’, but to his credit, he said it with affection. Halo called her ‘Little One’, which was what she had called her niece before the war began. I called her ‘Sparrow’. I wasn’t entirely certain why, but it seemed fitting. Maybe it was the way that she seemed to encompass the only beauty and innocence in the bleak world around her. Maybe it was the way I often caught her humming to herself as she tried to find sleep. Or maybe it was just because she was so small. She seemed to like the name, regardless. I had already failed her in so many ways; it was nice to give her something that was just for her.

I felt that I had failed everyone. Sparrow was the most prominent, since I had yet to find a single clue as to where her missing mother could be. Then there was Shock and Halo, who could have lived out a relatively quiet life with Dr. Death Defying if I hadn’t insisted upon leaving. But all of them paled in comparison to the others. There were four brilliant Killjoys that had died in order for me to save the girl. They had given their lives in the hope that I would be able to provide for her what they couldn’t. But I hadn’t done that. I hadn’t found a way to give her anything at all, other than food and some clothing.

The brief span of time that I had known the four men had changed me drastically. Now I spent every night grieving them, and every day trying to forget. But I knew that I would always remember. It wouldn’t feel right just letting them go.

“Can I change the station?” Sparrow asked, looking down at the radio.

I nodded. “Knock yourself out. If you can find something better, that is. I don’t want to listen to the recruitment ads for BLI today.”

She nodded her curly head and began pushing buttons. Almost every station was filled with static, but that was normal. Eventually, she put it back on the original station. We listened as Dr. D introduced a song, and I heard Sparrow sigh.

“What’s wrong?” I asked her, tearing my eyes from the crumbling road to look over at her.

“Can we go visit soon?”

I hesitated. Visiting Dr. D could be dangerous for everyone. We didn’t want to be associated with one another. If someone was abducted by the Draculoids, we could pretend that we had never met. It was safer if we stayed apart.

That was the excuse that I told myself. It was true, but there was another reason that I wanted to avoid visiting. When I had been at Dr. D’s house, I had gotten to know Party Poison and his group of Killjoys. I had fallen for Fun Ghoul. And I had lost them all.

“Maybe,” I said quietly.

“Please, Flash?” Halo suddenly leaned up between the front seats. “It would be fun to see him again. And we're only one zone over. It wouldn't be too far to travel.”

“Maybe there are some new Killjoys hanging around,” Shock added. “Maybe they could help us.”

I watched Sparrow for a long moment. She looked hopeful, and the expression was so uplifting that I couldn’t bring myself to tear her down. I looked back at the road and pulled into the nearest approach. The desert sand had blown over it, but it was still there. Just like so many other things.

“If we go back, we need to set a few ground rules. First, we can’t stay long. It’s too dangerous. Second…” I paused and let out a heavy breath. “It’s not going to be the same there. Don’t expect it to be like last time.”

Halo placed a hand on my shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Flash. You’re doing fine without him.”

I bit my tongue fiercely to keep from correcting her. Instead, I nodded my head solemnly. “Okay, then. If you’re all sure…” I looked around at my companions, who were all giving me wide-eyed stares. It was clear that they were all itching to see Dr. Death Defying again. I wasn’t altogether adverse to the idea, either.

I turned the steering wheel and pressed down on the accelerator. I felt a strong sense of foreboding as I headed back in the same direction I had come from. This wasn’t the way I liked to travel. No matter what, I always liked to be heading away from something. The car didn’t seem to notice my hesitant nature, and it carried us forward as if the world had not become one giant impending doom. Stupid inanimate objects.

”Set your ray guns to dust, my Drac-killing warriors. The big bad has sent out a fresh wave of white-suited soldiers from BLI headquarters. Don’t lose your fight, don’t lose your gun, and most of all don’t lose your faith in the Killjoys beside you. We’re brothers in arms and brothers in death. And sisters. I know some mighty-fine females in our corner of the ring. In fact, this next song goes out to them. Kick up some sand, prom queens.”

It was like he was welcoming us back.

I drove late into the night, but eventually I had to stop to rest. None of us got out of the car to make a fire; we simply cuddled into our seats and drifted off. My sleep came rarely, if ever. As the silence fell, pain swelled inside of my chest. It didn’t take long for my breathing to become laboured. If I had been out here alone, I probably wouldn’t have been able to go on. In fact, the first night after Ghoul’s death probably would have killed me. Even now, death seemed to be a looming, ever-present force that could offer me a sweet escape.

As soon as the sun broke over the distant horizon, I emptied a jerry can into my gas tank and began driving once again. The others slept late, but that was normal. I was always the first one up. I was always on my toes.

“Flash?” Sparrow’s voice was soft and uncertain. I gave her as warm a smile as I could muster. She seemed relieved by the gesture. “Are you happy to be seeing Dr. D?”

“Of course I am. I don’t know how we went for so long without a visit.”

“So… you aren’t mad that I asked to go there?”

“What? Why would you ever think that? I could never be mad at you, Sparrow. Never be afraid to ask me for something. Okay?”

She nodded, facing the barren landscape through the windshield. “Okay. Thanks, Flash.”

“Anytime.”

The discussion seemed to have reached its end, and we felt no need to reignite it. Instead, Sparrow turned up the volume on the radio, and I punched down the accelerator. We rocketed across the desert, accompanied by our sleeping passengers in the backseat. If there had still been police, I probably would have made their most wanted list because of the insane speed that I was driving. As it was, I was already on the only list that mattered. I was a target of Better Living Industries, better known as BLI. It was really only a matter of time before I made my way onto another, larger list that they had. The one that bore the names of all of the Killjoys that they had exterminated. To keep up morale, they had posted my photo in their headquarters. According to an insider, it claimed that I was already dead. It turns out that I was important enough to be kept secret. Despite my current attitude of loneliness and utter despair, I was still considered a threat. If nothing else, that fact was enough to keep my instincts sharp and focused: I had to survive.

A blurred, grey shape emerged on the distant horizon. It slowly grew clearer, transforming from a shapeless shadow and into a familiar shack. Halo and Shock finally awoke when the sun was nearing its highest point in the sky. I flipped down my visor to block the intense light as I scowled at the two of them.

“How can you sleep that much? I swear, if it wasn’t for me, the two of you wouldn’t last a week. Dracs could kill you in your sleep. At noon.”

Halo rolled her wide, blue eyes. “If you weren’t here, then we would be forced to get up earlier. Oh wow!” she suddenly leaned up between the front seats. “Look how close we are, Shock!”

Shock followed her gaze, then smiled. “Do you think Dr. D will have a drink for us?”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m praying for some coffee. But as for anything else… you guys had better behave yourselves. He’s our only ally these days. If you offend him, so help me God-”

“Offend Dr. D?” Shock scoffed. “Flash, come on. You know that he’s worse than we are.”

The shack slowly drew nearer. With nothing but flat land between us and our destination, the image seemed to taunt us. It was a full hour later when we finally arrived. I got out of the car and stretched my tense muscles. While Shock and Halo did the same, Sparrow took off running toward the run-down hut. She banged on the door, her fist moving in such frenzy that it was nearly invisible. The door creaked open, and she froze. I couldn’t see her face, but I could see her confusion and fear in her stance. Instantly, my need to protect her took over. I raced over and pulled her back, stepping swiftly between her and the door. I saw then what had frightened her.

There was a strange man standing in the doorway. He was tall and lanky, with a pair of old roller skates laced up to his ankles. I gazed, open-mouthed, at the unfamiliar person before me. He wore a pair of bright white tights that left nothing to the imagination, despite the distracting blue polka dots that adorned them and the black underwear that he wore overtop. His cut-off white shirt left a large amount of his stomach visible. He nodded his head at me, and I noticed that it was covered in a blue helmet, and his face was hidden by the visor.

“What’s your business here?” he asked. Somehow, he didn’t sound threatening or angry. “This sure is a long way to come to request a song.”

I shook my head, as if the gesture would force thoughts back into my brain. “Um… yeah. Is Dr. D around?”

He raised his arms to rest his bare elbows against the wooden door frame. “Who’s asking?”

“His favourite desert prom queen,” I replied with a sly grin.

The stranger appeared to be unconvinced. “I need a name, sweetheart.”

“Look, I could snap your scrawny little body in half before you could stop me if I wanted to get past you. The way I see it, the only possible option here that will end well for you is to just-”

“Night Flash?” a disembodied voice called out. “There’s only one person that would come to my house and run her mouth off like that. Let her in, Show Pony.”

I raised my eyebrows at Dr. D’s associate. “Show Pony, huh? Nice name.”

“And yours is so much better, Night Flash?”

I flashed him my sweetest smile. “I try.”

He pushed off from the door frame and let his roller skates guide him out of my way. I stepped inside, immediately feeling relief from the glaring sunlight. I found Dr. D sitting in his wheelchair behind his sound board. He gave me a happy smile as I sat down in an empty chair across from him.

“It sure took you kids a long time to come home,” he said.

A legitimate smile fluttered across my face. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I was just scared to come back.”

“I know, hun. Where’s the rest of the crew?”

“They’re here. Probably trying to get past your rabid bodyguard.”

“You mean Show Pony? He couldn’t harm a Drac with a target on his back. He’s a nice guy. He’s helping me run the radio station, that’s all.”

I shrugged my shoulders and picked up a stray bottle of water from the table. “Who am I to judge?”

Dr. D looked as if he were about to argue with me, then thought better of it. He knew that I was only ribbing him. One thing that hadn’t changed since Fun Ghoul and the others had died was that they had rekindled my sense of humour. I was still able to make sarcastic jokes most of the time. Not that anyone really got it.

I watched as he held up a finger to keep me quiet, then went live on the air. He spoke quickly, telling his listeners to stay safe. He seemed to be a voice of hope to a lot of Killjoys. Here he was, perfectly permanent in his residence, and he had managed to avoid detection and extermination. Dr. D was like our version of a superhero. Except that he was slightly crippled and used his brains instead of brawn. When his message was over and he began to play some more music, Sparrow came flying into the room. She threw her arms around him and buried her face into his stained vest.

“I missed you!” she said.

“I missed you too, little girl. It’s been quiet here without you.”

She pulled back and looked up at him with a smile that split her tired face in half. “I like Show Pony. He’s funny. Can we stay for awhile?”

“Stay for as long as you want, sugar.”

I frowned. “She’ll never leave, you know.”

Dr. D looked back at me and tightened his bandana around his forehead. “So? Maybe she doesn’t need to be taken along for the ride sometimes. Maybe it would be better if she hung out here for awhile next time you leave. Your car is famous to Dracs; they search for it. She would be safe here.”

I set down my half-finished bottle of water. “It’s only a matter of time before they stumble upon your organization here, Dr. D. And when they do, what’ll happen to her?”

The two of us shared a silent stare for a long moment. It reminded me strongly of when we had first met. Dr. D had felt a strong dislike toward me. He hadn’t trusted me, and he believed that I was only going to weigh down his favourite Killjoys. By the time I had left, we had become a dysfunctional family. It still felt that way. Families fight more than anyone else.

“Come on, girl,” Show Pony broke the intense silence. “I bet you’re thirsty. We have some juice boxes in the other room.”

I narrowed my eyes at Dr. D. “You gave him my juice boxes?”

The man in the wheelchair grinned widely. “You weren’t here to fight him off. He wanted them, so I let him have them.”

“I guess I can always get more. I’ll have to make a fuel run before we leave again, anyways,” I leaned back in the hard, uncomfortable chair. It didn’t help me to relax much at all.

Shock and Halo came in and sat in the other randomly placed chairs. They greeted Dr. D with excited smiles. He nodded at them, then frowned at me.

“Look, Flash, it’s really nice of you guys to surprise me with a visit like this, but we weren’t properly prepared. It’s just been Show Pony and I for a long time. I don’t have enough supplies to keep all of us going for more than a day or two.”

I nodded my understanding and got to my feet. “I guess I’m going to go on that fuel run a bit earlier than I had planned to. I didn’t mean to catch you off guard or inconvenience you by showing up here. I’ll be happy to go and get you supplies.”

“You can take Show Pony with you, if you’d like,” he offered.

I shook my head. “No, that’s okay. I’d like the chance to be alone for a bit.”

“Don’t go alone,” Halo interjected. “It’s dangerous. Remember when you and Party Poison went? You wouldn’t have survived if it hadn’t been for him.”

“I’ll be fine,” I vowed. “I’ll be back before morning.”

She pouted, but she knew that she couldn’t change my mind. I wanted to be alone, and that was exactly what was going to happen. I waved to the people gathered in the cramped room, and said a quick goodbye to Show Pony and Sparrow, then I headed outside. I lit a cigarette, then began walking toward my car.

“Flash?”

The voice made me stop dead in my tracks. In fact, it made me wonder if I’d died earlier and had failed to notice. It was a voice that haunted my every dream. My cigarette tumbled from my cracked lips and landed lightly in the sand. A trail of wispy grey smoke still flowed from its tip, but I didn’t pay it any attention.

As I spun around to face the person who had spoken, I pulled my ray gun from its place in my belt. By the time I faced him fully, it was drawn and ready to fire.

My gun was pointed squarely at Fun Ghoul’s chest.