Be What Tomorrow Needs

I awoke as our speed diminished and we approached our destination. In an odd way, I felt sad that we had arrived. If I could have just stayed out in the desert alone with these four men, I wouldn’t have needed anything more. But Sparrow was in there, and I could never desert her.

We all filed out of the car and gathered outside of the shack. The sky was beginning to lighten in the hours before sunrise.

The five of us exchanged a solemn look as we approached the doorway. How well could this possibly go over? How could we convince them that nobody standing here had actually died? I tried not to let them see how hopeless I felt. It seemed almost certain that the Killjoys inside would chase us all out like an angry mob.

“I’ll go in first,” I said softly. “Maybe I’ll be able to explain.”

Ghoul gave me a grim look, but he released my hand and set me free. He was just as skeptical as I was, but he seemed to be humouring me. I inhaled deeply; my nostrils had long since become used to the dry, dust-filled air. I walked purposefully up to the door, but when I attempted to open it I found that it was locked. I rapped my knuckles against the wooden plank and waited for someone to let me in. As I stood there, the others ducked behind the side of the building, disappearing from sight.

I was slightly taken aback when Show Pony answered the door. I had forgotten that he was living with Dr. D. Maybe it was because my mind had been elsewhere.

“Flash,” he greeted me. “Where’s the food?”

“No small talk, huh? I’ll bring it in later. I’ve got to talk to everyone.”

Show Pony flipped up his visor and inspected me closely. I was too distracted to even notice that his eyes were a pleasant shade of blue. “Are you okay?”

I paused for a long moment, stunned by the concern in his tone. “Yeah, I just have some news, that’s all.”

“Is it bad? What happened in Battery City?”

“Just let me in,” I snapped. Without waiting for him to glide away, I pushed my way past him. I almost felt bad when he nearly fell backwards from the force.

Everyone else had still been sleeping, but I didn’t bother to courteously remain quiet. Instead, I stomped inside and cleared my throat loudly. Shock and Halo had been sleeping on one couch, though how they managed to balance there together was beyond me. They both looked up, blinking drowsily in the dim light.

“Get up,” I barked at them. “This is important.”

Once I had ensured that they weren’t going to immediately return to their slumber, I pushed my way into the back room and woke up Dr. D and Sparrow. Sparrow seemed to have missed me while I was gone, because she leapt up from the blankets and greeted me with a tight embrace. I felt my stomach churn suddenly. Would she still want me around now that the others were back?

Everyone gathered around the radio control panel, and I took in a deep breath. Every face was watching me intently, trying to anticipate what bad news I was about to deliver. When I opened my mouth, I found that the words were a lot harder to find than I had expected.

Finally, I managed to speak. “You guys need to trust me right now.”

“Why?” Dr. D demanded. His tone was suspicious, and he had every right to feel that way. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything. But I found something. Or, rather, something found me. But before I show you anything, you need to swear that you trust me. I would never put you guys in any danger.”

“What did you do?” Dr. D repeated, his voice rising.

I let out my breath in a huff. “You didn’t promise.”

“Flash?” Sparrow looked up at me, sounding timid. “Is something wrong?”

I groaned, feeling absolutely lost. There was no way that I could properly get them to understand before I thrust the truth upon them. I gave up. “I’ll be right back. Just remember that I’m trustworthy.”

I didn’t stick around to hear their inevitable arguments with my words. I rushed outside, throwing open the door. Ghoul poked his head carefully around the building, and I waved him over. I grabbed his hand and leaned in close.

“I’m not as good at gaining people’s trust as you are. I really need you guys to be careful.”

The four of them all gave me hard smiles. We all knew how difficult this was going to be. I spun on my heel and retreated inside, knowing that they were all following me. I returned to the main room and gave everyone a meaningful look.

“Promise you won’t freak out?”

“I’m not promising anything,” Dr. D said firmly, folding his arms across his wide chest.

I watched as all of their faces grew tight with disbelief. I could feel the bodies gather behind my back, though I didn’t turn to view their reactions. Halo gasped and daintily covered her mouth with her hand. Shock gripped her shoulders as he stood behind her. Show Pony didn’t really seem to know what was going on, but he appeared to be alarmed by the purplish colour of Dr. D’s face. Sparrow, by contrast, appeared bright and ecstatic. She threw her arms our in front of her and ran forward.

Poison knelt on the wooden floorboards and caught her as she hurtled into his arms. They held one another in silence, though Poison’s expression was far from excited. He was clearly worried about everyone else.

“Pony,” Dr. D broke in. “Get the girl and take her into the bedroom.” He pulled his ray gun from its holster and raised it menacingly.

I stepped between Show Pony and Party Poison. “No. You can’t take her away. I asked you guys to trust me, and clearly you didn’t listen. Do you think that I’ve suddenly lost my mind? They’ve proven that they aren’t spies. They aren’t some kind of zombie creatures that have returned from the dead. They’re the exact same people that we knew before.”

“No, you’re wrong,” Shock said. He stepped in front of Halo protectively, just as I had just done for Sparrow and Poison. “You’re letting your own emotions get in the way of your intelligence.”

Dr. D lurched to his feet, gun still raised. “Do you know what you’ve just done, Flash? You’ve compromised the one safe haven that our side has left. You let them inside of here. You’ve asked me to trust you, but I can’t do that. I can’t put my faith in someone this reckless and stupid. You almost got us killed, and that’s unforgivable.”

“Hey,” Ghoul spoke up, sounding livid. “She didn’t believe us at first. She tried to kill me, actually. And if-”

“Ghoul,” I whispered, silencing him. “It’s fine. I know where they’re coming from. If Shock or Halo had ever pulled this on me, I’d be furious. Self-preservation is our only instinct, and to them it looks like I’ve just ignored it.”

“Looks like?” Halo sputtered. “You’ve completely lost your mind, Flash! This is just as bad as it was when you saw them die. It’s like you fell apart again, but in a different way this time.”

Dr. D was still standing menacingly before us. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll run. Pony, get the girl,” he repeated.

“I still won’t let you take her,” I said, holding my ground. “She belongs with us.”

“Exactly,” Shock agreed. “She belongs with us, not with those strangers that are posing as your friends. We’re your real friends.”

I didn’t argue outright, because in a way he was right. They were still my friends. But that hadn’t been the point that I was trying to make. “The three of us weren’t helping her, Shock. But they can. They know better ways to find her mother, and I have to be there for that. You understand, don’t you?”

Shock gritted his teeth in frustration. “The only thing that I understand is that they’re going to kill you the moment they get the chance.”

“Then they would have done it the moment I walked out of here yesterday. They went the whole way to Battery City and back with me, and I’m unharmed.”

“You what?” Halo shrieked. Her voice had achieved a panicked frequency that was borderline inaudible. “How could you ever be that stupid?”

“Doesn’t anyone want to hear what I think?” Sparrow said loudly. She had separated herself from Poison’s arms and now stood directly behind me.

“Not really,” Dr. D said coldly. “We’re wasting too much time talking when we should be killing an enemy.”

“They aren’t the enemy,” she said firmly. “Party Poison still feels the same. It’s really them.”

“No, it isn’t,” Dr. D ignored her confirmation. “Now get out of the way, girl. You and Flash are in my line of fire.”

I knew then what I had to do. I didn’t even really think about it, I just knew. I turned to face Ghoul and the others, and I nodded at them. “Go,” I said. It was a simple command, and they were all confused by it. Instead of waiting for them to understand it, I bent down and picked up Sparrow. “Go,” I said again. And then they understood. We all took off at a dead run, leaving the others stunned in our wake. I had everyone safe inside my car before Show Pony had even made it to the doorway.

“Flash, wait!” he yelled after me.

I paused and looked over at him, my hands still lingering on the door to my car. I was ready to bolt at the first sign of danger.

“Be careful,” he said in a firm tone. I nodded once, and he pulled back and disappeared inside. He was replaced by Halo, who had tears racing down her pale cheeks.

“Flash, don’t do this! We need you!”

“No, you don’t. You’ll be fine.”

“Flash!” Dr. D’s voice thundered from somewhere inside. “This is absurd! Come back, we can talk about this.”

“I won’t come back in there alone.”

“Well you sure as hell aren’t bringing them in here, either!” he hollered back.

“Then I’m gone.” I ducked inside the car and started the engine. Sparrow was lying contently across the laps of Poison, Kobra, and Jet in the backseat. She smiled at me as I drove away from the shack.

“You found them, Flash! You really did it!”

“Actually, they found me.”

“We can be a family again,” she continued in her light-hearted tone.

“We were always a family,” I told her sincerely. “Just because someone isn’t around, it doesn’t mean that anything changes. It’s just like your mom. She still loves you, and she’s still waiting for you to come home.”

Ghoul looked perturbed as he considered the damage that we had just done. “Flash, you really shouldn’t have done this.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Why not?”

“You just ostracised yourself. You marked yourself as an enemy to the people that depended on you the most. Why did you do it?”

I knew that everyone else was listening intently for my answer, despite the fact that they were all looking out the windows as if they were uninterested. When I looked over at Ghoul, the despair in his eyes matched the way that I felt inside. “Do you think that I could have let you go again?” I mumbled. “I have driven across every zone in California, and I haven’t found anything to lead me to Sparrow’s mother. The truth is, I don’t even know where to start. I need your help, and so does she. Besides, it’s not like I could let Dr. D shoot you. Even if you hadn’t convinced me that you were still yourselves, I couldn’t have let that happen.”

“Thank you,” Jet said. His gratitude took me by surprise; it had really been a no-brainer for me.

“Don’t mention it,” I replied.

“No, really,” Poison carried on. “This is a big deal. You just risked everything.”

I glanced in the rear view mirror and saw a glimmer of white trailing us. “I wouldn’t say that,” I told them. “It looks like we’re not getting away that easy.”

I slowed to a stop and we all watched as Dr. D’s van approached us at a startling rate. It skidded to a stop right behind us, and Shock jumped out. He was probably the last person that I had expected to chase after us. Deep down, I thought that he would be kind of happy to be rid of me. For once, I was glad that he proved me wrong. I got out of the car and leaned against it casually, waiting for him to speak.

“What are you trying to accomplish here?” he asked. “This is dumb. Come back, okay?”

“The only thing that I’m trying to accomplish is helping some people get back on their feet so that we can save a little girl. It doesn’t seem like I’m allowed to do that. Why would I go back? I’m not going to let you guys kill them.”

“Nobody wanted you to run off. We’re worried about you. I mean, come on, would you let Halo jump in a car with potential strangers and disappear forever into the desert?”

I set my mouth in a thin line. “I let her drag you into my car. Isn’t that kind of the same thing?”

He threw his hands up in frustrated resignation. “I don’t know what you’re trying to do here.”

“I’m trying to survive.”

“And what about the rest of us?”

“You should have learned enough by now to fend for yourselves.”

“You’ve lost your wits,” he stated roughly. “You caught a glimpse of something that made you feel something once, and you lost everything that made you Night Flash. Look at you; you’re abandoning everything that you know for someone that might not be what you’re expecting. You’re going to get hurt. This won’t end well.”

I stood up straight, forgetting that there was a car full of people beside me. “You don’t know anything about it, Shock! It’s one thing to have lost everyone from before; we’ve all had to go through that. But if you had lost Halo that day, wouldn’t you want her back? And if, by some divine intervention, she was spared and reappeared, would you try and kill her? You might say that you would, but the truth is that you have no idea what you would do in that situation. I tried. I had the gun to his chest and I failed. I couldn’t pull the trigger, and I’ve never been happier about fucking up before. If you took the time to speak to them, you would know that they are still the same people that they were before. They’re still our friends.”

Shock looked as if he were about to explode. “Just come back, okay? We can talk about this in a civil manner inside. It’s dangerous out here in the open. And you know that the girl deserves better than this.”

He had successfully hit a nerve. I bit down on my tongue to prevent myself from lashing out at him again. In his own way, Shock was truly trying to help. He just had a way of making it seem as if he were trying to initiate a fight. I paused and watched him carefully. He actually looked hopeful, as if he thought he were succeeding in convincing me to go back to Dr. D’s shack with him. It made me sick to know that I was genuinely considering it. If we died out in the desert on our own, then everyone’s last memory of me would be when I threw a fit and ran away. When I deserted them. I didn’t like that idea, especially when death was constantly knocking on our door.

I opened my mouth, but then I shut it just as quickly. I still didn’t know exactly what I wanted to say. I definitely wasn’t going to go back for Shock’s benefit. I didn’t want him to believe that he had an effect on how I lived my life. I didn’t want him to think that he was causing me to second-guess Ghoul. That couldn’t have been farther from the truth.

In the heat of our argument, neither of us had focused on anything else. I didn’t tear my eyes off of Shock until I heard the car door open. Ghoul stepped out and looked over at me.

“Give me your gun,” he said.

My face contorted in confusion. I rested the heel of my palm on the handle of my ray gun, and Shock reached out to stop me.

“Don’t do it,” he ordered. “You can’t trust him with your only weapon.”

Defiantly, I yanked the weapon from my jeans and tossed it to Ghoul. “I trust him with my life,” I spat at Shock.

We both watched as Ghoul raised the gun and pointed it away from us. I followed his gaze and spotted a lone figure walking across the desert. The person looked weary; their posture was slouched and their feet drug through the sand pitifully. While Ghoul stood guard, I opened the trunk and pulled out a bottle of water. If this person was a Killjoy, I wanted to help them get back on their feet. We needed more bodies on our side.

As the stranger drew nearer, more details began to emerge from the haze. It was a man, and he wasn’t particularly tall. He had glasses, and one lens was cracked down the middle. His hair was curly and fell just below his ears. It had grown since the last time I had seen it.

Ghoul shot me a look, and we both took off at a dead run toward the man. He was wearing grey, the colour of the BLI employees. That didn’t deter us as we threw his limp arms over our shoulders and helped him back to the car. He looked up, vaguely aware that he was being assisted. We sat him down in the sand, where the car had cast a shadow from the sun.

I pressed the water to his lips, and he spluttered and coughed as it entered his mouth. Once he had a grip on the bottle, Ghoul and I leaned inside the car to converse with the others.

“What’s going on?” I demanded.

“Your guess is as good as ours,” Poison said. He was staring out the window at the frail body planted in the sand.

“Who is that?” Shock’s voice raised several octaves in his panic. “Why are you helping an enemy?”

“Because he’s not an enemy in the traditional sense,” I said stiffly.

“Why not? Because he’s dying out here? You kill Dracs without a second thought, but you’re helping this guy?”

“Because he helped us first!” I snapped. “He helped us save Sparrow, and then he single-handedly saved everyone else! We owe him, and he’s in trouble!”

Ghoul had returned to Bryce’s side and was coaxing him to drink more water. Tears bit at my eyelids as I surveyed the scene. This was what I had feared. This was what I had wanted to avoid more than anything. Something had gone wrong, and Bryce was no longer a citizen of Battery City. He was not yet a Killjoy, either.

For the time being, he was nothing but our responsibility.