Be What Tomorrow Needs

Ghoul drove my car, following close behind the white van that I was now sitting in. I gritted my teeth as Shock swerved across the deserted road.

“Do you mind?” I hissed at him.

“Not at all. You brought an enemy in here, Flash. I don’t plan on making it a comfy ride.”

“I will choke you with my bare hands if you don’t get over this and grow up. He needs our help. He almost died out there.”

“He’s going to kill us. Honestly, what is it with you today? All you’ve done is trust people that are almost certainly going to destroy us.”

I looked away from him and focused on helping Bryce. He still looked pitiful. I reached out and plucked his glasses from his nose. He looked up at me; his eyes were distant and glazed over.

“Why are you helping me?” he croaked.

I tucked his hair behind his ear in a tender manner. “Bryce, it’s me. Pey-” I glanced up at Shock nervously, then looked back at Bryce. “Flash. Do you remember?”

Bryce nodded slowly. “Of course I know who you are. How could I forget you? I just meant… you’re still with that guy…”

“He just found me yesterday. It’s not easy to stumble upon our friends out here, you know. I need you to tell me what happened. Why are you out here in the zones?”

He cleared his throat loudly, then took another sip of water. “What do you know already?”

“I know that you saved them. Why would you do that? You had to have known how risky it would be.”

His chocolate eyes were swimming with tears. “I did it for you.”

“Why? Bryce, that is easily the stupidest thing that you have ever done!” Despite my frustration, I couldn’t even raise my voice. He was too fragile. “I’m not worth that. I’m on the outside. To people like you, I should be thought of as nothing more than treacherous scum. It was wrong of me to ever ask for your assistance.”

“No,” he argued. “You don’t know how much it helped me to know that you were alive. It changed everything. It was one thing to know that you were with someone else, but it was entirely different to think that you were gone forever. I couldn’t live with myself if I’d let them kill you that day. I knew you were coming, and I had no choice but to stop it. And when you weren’t there… well, I just couldn’t leave you out here alone. I couldn’t stand that thought.”

“But you didn’t even know them. And you really didn’t seem to like Ghoul when you met him.”

“No, but he definitely meant something to you. The way you looked at him… you never looked at me like that. And you were wearing my ring at one time. Something about him made you happier than I ever could. And I know that you said that you weren’t together, but I knew that there was something going on. And when he clawed his way out of the body bag and saw me, the first thing that he said was your name. It wasn’t the name that you go by now. It was your real one. I know that you guys don’t use those names lightly. I know that it meant something that you told him.”

I looked away and stared at the dusty metal floor beneath my feet. I wanted Bryce to understand what Ghoul was to me, but I didn’t want to hurt him any more than I already had. I swallowed, but my mouth was too dry for it to have any kind of positive effect. “Bryce, I don’t know whether to thank you or slap you for what you’ve done. It was completely idiotic, but I can’t help but be grateful. You gave me something that nobody else ever could.”

“I just need to know something,” Bryce spoke softly, as if his own words were hurting him. “Was it ever me?”

I raised my eyebrows, taken aback by his sudden confrontation. If I had never had to answer this question, I wouldn’t have minded one bit. Instead, I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I simmered on my answer. “No,” I admitted finally. “I really did love you, but not in the way that you needed me to. And I couldn’t continue on knowing that I wasn’t in it the way that it should have been. It wasn’t fair to you. I hoped that you would find someone else at BLI afterwards. Or at least after you thought that I was dead.”

Shock had remained silent for a startling amount of time. He parked the van outside of Dr. D’s shack and spun around in his seat. “Get him inside. I want everyone else to see what you’ve done. Again.”

Sighing, I helped Bryce get up and out of the van. He still wasn’t fully recovered from his time out under the scorching sun, but I knew that it would take a lot longer than a few minutes in a van to recuperate. My Mustang pulled up behind us, and nobody spoke as we all headed toward the shack together. Once we got to the door, everyone aside from Shock faltered. For a moment, I was tempted to leave Bryce and make a run for it.

I knew that I couldn’t leave him here. Dr. D and the others would kill him for sure. Shock opened the door and ran inside like a giddy child running off to tattle on a sibling and get them into trouble. In fact, that’s kind of what it felt like to me, too. I was going to get scolded and yelled at by people who were the closest thing to family that I had. Bravely, Ghoul approached me and supported Bryce from the other side. We hauled him up to the door and stepped inside. Show Pony was standing in our way.

“It’s starting to feel like you’re a permanent barricade,” I grumbled.

“Flash,” he said gently. “I’m glad you guys are okay.”

I looked up, my surprise surely evident on my face. I couldn’t find anything appropriate to say. I had assumed that Pony would be on Dr. D’s side through all of this. He didn’t even know me; why was he being so nice?

“Dr. D told me about you before you ever came back here. He was actually proud of you. I’d never seen him like that before. When he talked about the others,” Pony paused to glance at Ghoul for a split second. “He was just really depressed. But he had faith in you. He still does. When you left, he said that he had to give you credit for standing up for yourself. You mean something to him, you know. So yeah, I’m glad that you came back.”

It was then that he took the time to notice Bryce dangling pitifully between our shoulders. His eyes went from happy to confused, and then to alarmed. He stumbled backwards on his roller skates, crashing into the wall behind him. Ghoul seemed to know what I needed, and he shifted Bryce’s weight so that I was free. I stepped forward and caught Pony by the wrist.

“You trusted me before. I need you to give me the same benefit of the doubt now. Look at him; he’s harmless. He can’t even hold himself up. Please, Pony?”

He gave us room to get past him, and I took that as an affirmative. When we saw Dr. D, he didn’t look bothered by the fact that Bryce was with us. Shock had clearly given him some warning. Ghoul led Bryce to the couch and set him down before putting another bottle of water between his hands.

“Talk,” Dr. D commanded.

Before anyone else had a chance to begin, I started rambling. I told him everything that had happened within the last twenty-four hours, including the story that the others had told me regarding their escape from BLI. When I got to the part about finding Bryce stumbling across the desert, I stopped.

“That’s where he comes in,” I said. “I haven’t gotten his story out of him yet.”

Bryce hadn’t moved since Ghoul had let him sit down. Realizing that the whole room was staring at him, he looked up. “I got caught,” he said.

“And?” Shock prodded.

“That pretty much covers it,” Bryce replied. “I got caught helping four enemies escape a death sentence, and I messed with Korse’s guns. I’m lucky that all they did was kick me out of Battery City.”

“They’re waiting for you to get desperate enough to go back,” Dr. D grunted at Bryce’s innocent mind. “Either that, or they’re tracking you right now. In which case, we’re all fucked. I don’t care what he was to you, Flash, he’s a liability. Right now he’s probably a higher priority for the Dracs than Party Poison is. And that’s saying something. He’s got to go.”

My temper flared. “So we’re supposed to just abandon him after he saved the others?”

Dr. D’s eyes fell on Kobra Kid, who had followed us in when he didn’t hear a calamity. “Right now, they’re the lesser of two evils. I’m trying to be lenient here. I’m sorry, but it’s far too risky.”

I could see by the vein throbbing in his forehead that it was taking all he had in him to be patient with me. He was giving me one thing, but taking another away. I could have my friends, but I had to sever the ties with Bryce here and now. It should have been a simple decision, yet I was having a hard time digesting my options.

“That would be a death sentence for him,” I said softly.

“Why do you care?” Halo asked coldly. She wasn’t the one that I had expected to have this attitude. “He’s nothing to you now. You have Ghoul back, don’t get greedy.”

I tried to keep myself from choking at her words. “He’s a human being! And he’s helped us more than once. What kind of people are we if we turn our backs now?”

“Survival is our only priority. We don’t take loyalties into account,” Dr. D instructed.

I suddenly realized that he was right. When we thought that Party Poison and the others had died, I was the only one that had grieved. Everyone was only looking out for themselves. I was once the same way. Now it sickened me. The thought made my stomach churn and crawled up my throat, triggering my gag reflex. I fought with my disgust until I got it to a manageable level. I swallowed it down, then inhaled deeply.

“I won’t just leave him.”

“Then you might as well leave again, because he isn’t staying here,” Dr. D argued.

“Stop,” Bryce lurched awkwardly to his feet, looking like Bambi when he first learned to walk. “I’ll go.”

“You’ll die out there!” I nearly yelled.

“Maybe so, but at least I won’t be harming anyone else.”

Desperately, I looked around at all of my companions as Bryce pushed past me. Kobra put a hand on my shoulder, trying to reassure me.

“Poison is still out there.”

The thought sent a wave of ease rushing through my veins. If anyone could talk some sense into Bryce, it would be Poison. I turned on Dr. D. “I thought that lives meant something to you.”

“What could he possibly do to be an asset to our side?”

I paused. Bryce was far from being top athlete. He couldn’t fight. But I knew one thing he could do. “He has information. He knows about BLI. Maybe he knows where Sparrow’s mother is.”

“Would you really be able to trust the information he fed you?” Dr. D challenged. “He got the others killed last time.”

“No,” Ghoul cleared his throat. “He went out of his way to save us, actually. And if it’s Flash asking him for help, he wouldn’t lie. He’s in love with her.” There was a bitter edge to his voice, and I didn’t like it. I didn’t want him to be upset with Bryce. Ghoul should have known well enough by now that I wasn’t interested in my ex anymore. But I knew that I wasn’t helping anything by getting worked up when Bryce wanted to leave. I gave him what I hoped was a meaningful look, and he gave me a grim, forced smile in return.

The door flew open so fast that it was nearly knocked off of its hinges. Poison and Jet walked in, Poison leading Bryce by the scruff of his neck. Bryce looked uncomfortable and upset. It seemed that Poison’s resolve to keep Bryce safe was greater than his fear of being killed inside of Dr. D’s shack.

“You’re just letting him walk out?” Poison shot the accusation straight at Dr. D. “He could be useful. Not to mention, if he does turn out to be a traitor or a spy, he has enough information to get us all killed. I thought you were smarter than this.”

Dr. D seemed to have had enough. He snarled at the lot of us. “I’m an old man, as far as Killjoys go. You can’t expect me to just accept all of this as readily as you’re putting it in front of me. I’m trying to take care of all of you at the same time, and I just can’t keep up anymore.”

“I,” Bryce stopped speaking meekly, as though trying to decide if what he had to say would get him shot. I looked at him in an encouraging manner, hoping that he had something that might bring some peace. “I have some information.”

Dr. D gaped at him. “And you didn’t think that this was important before when we were ready to string you up from the gallows?”

Bryce looked frightened. He carefully reached into his jacket and pulled out a thick stack of folders. I didn’t understand how none of us had failed to notice the bulge earlier. Bryce tossed the papers onto the table, where they landed with an audible thunk. Show Pony snatched up the top folder and opened it up. His eyes held nothing but questions as he began rapidly flipping through pages. I couldn’t help myself, and I grabbed the next folder. Ghoul looked over my shoulder as I opened it and found a photograph of Jet Star. I turned to the next page and found all of the information that BLI had on him. I shuddered when I noticed that, across the entire page in large red letters, it read Extermination Successful.

“What is all of this?” I spluttered.

“I knew that they were coming for me,” Bryce explained hurriedly. “When they noticed that the body bags were full of Dracs, they started looking at their security tapes. It’s impossible to go completely under the radar there, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before they found me. When I got the four of you out of the headquarters, I stole your files. I stole yours too, Flash, and the girl’s. But I didn’t know that you were with these other people, so I didn’t know to take theirs too.”

I tossed Jet’s file at him and reached for the next one. It was Sparrow’s. I began flipping through the information, then stopped when I found what I was looking for.

Subject has been travelling with wanted Killjoys, though it is unclear whether any of them is the child’s biological father. Her mother refuses to give any information. Very uncooperative. Currently being moved to hostage division on fourth floor. It is possible that the Killjoys will breach our perimeter for her.

I gritted my teeth and handed the file to Ghoul. This was potentially good news, but I was seething. We could find Sparrow’s mother. But it would mean risking all of our lives all over again. What were the chances that she was still alive after all this time? And now I owed Bryce even more.

“We have to let him live,” I said to no one in particular.

“Nobody is killing anyone today,” Poison said in a soft tone.

I didn’t say anything more as I turned on my heel and strode out of the shack. A wind had picked up, and I was greeted by the familiar taste of sand grazing my already dry tongue. I closed my mouth as well as my eyes, and leaned up against the side of the ramshackle house. This was too much. Yesterday, I had been alone. Now every ghost from my past was appearing before me, and I couldn’t make them leave. More importantly, I didn’t want them to leave.

“I would understand if you went with him, you know.”

I sighed. I did not want to have this conversation. Behind my eyelids, tears began to swell. “I don’t want that. You remember what I said before: I wanted nothing more to do with him or the life that I used to live.”

I could feel Ghoul step closer to me. “Yes, but things were different then. He needs you now.”

My voice broke audibly as I spoke. “But I need you.”

I heard the flick of a lighter as Ghoul prepared a cigarette. He exhaled loudly, then cleared his throat. “I’m really sorry that all of this had to happen.”

“We have to go back for her mother,” I muttered, ignoring his useless apology. “We know where she is and, as much as I hate the idea of going into BLI so soon after you came back to me, we can’t risk leaving her any longer.”

“Don’t change the subject, Flash. We’ll get to that in due time.”

“What do you want me to say?” I snapped bitterly. “Do you want me to pretend that this is easy for me? Do you want me to lie and say that I don’t miss the life I had before? I miss everything, Ghoul. But that doesn’t change anything. This is the way that it is now, and I would sooner have you by my side than anyone else. I really care about you. I cried myself to sleep every night that you were gone. You made me weak, and I hate that. But that weakness meant that I had finally let someone in, and that meant a lot to me. You were the only one that could get past these massive walls that I’ve built up. You win, okay? You win.”

“I win?” Ghoul repeated, dumbstruck. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that you changed me in a way that no one else ever has. Not Bryce, not anyone. So I won’t go back to him because I can’t let you go. And it might hurt like hell to see him every day, but I’ll just have to deal with it. I’ve made my choice.”

I could almost hear the smirk in Ghoul's voice as he whispered softly, “I win.”