My Chemically Tragic Romance

“your just being paranoid Elizabeth, there’s no one out there, your head is just messing with you.” I said to myself hoping I was right…
“Ellie?” Frank hugged me from behind, breaking me from my thoughts, “ are you okay?”
“um yeah, I just…I though I saw something…never mind, yeah I’m okay.” “are you guys ready to practice or what?” I said changing the subject slyly. We all migrated to Gerard’s basement/room so that the guys could start to practice, they always got excited for a gig.
“Ellie?”
“yeah Ray?”
“Do you mind filling in for me, for these last few sets?”
“why? Are you leaving?”
“uh yeah, I have a date tonight…”
“aw! Ray! Of course, you go on your date; you stud you!” I happily said giving him a hug goodbye. Ray walked out and the guys had confused looks on their faces.
“I’m filling in for Ray guys.” I said trying to answer the question they had in their minds. This would be one of the rare times I stand in for Ray, Ray and the band confided in me stand in for him because I know all the songs and even helped them out when they were developing songs. I know all the songs they have made, although at this time they only have a few songs they play live. I stood in Rays usual spot and picked up his guitar preparing to play the rest of the set; Ray sings backup as well, so that would mean I do to. I sang and played along as Gerard sang…
“And would you pray for me?
(How the misery begins)
Or make a saint of me?
(So I’m burning, I’m burning)
And will you lay for me?
(How the misery begins)
Or make a saint of me?
(Cause I’m burning, I’m burning)
Cause I’ll give you all the nails you need
(I’m burning, I’m burning again)
Cover me in gasoline again..”
As we finished I sighed with satisfaction and I was surprised as to how well I actually played, it had been a while since I had played. I looked up and found that everyone had there mouths hanging open and staring at me..
“What?”
“Marry me?” Gerard said as he walked over and grabbed my hand and got on one knee jokingly
“No way she’s mine!” Frankie said pushing him aside and taking me in a hug. He smelt of coffee and cologne, ah I love coffee.
“That was great Ellie.” Mikey gave me a hug after Frank let go of me and was wrestling with Gerard on the floor.
“guys don’t break the equipment.” The man of few words said…Bob I mean
“Hey why don’t we go the Starbucks, I’m craving coffee.” I said to no one in general.
“Coffee?” Gerard and Frank both stopped and looked happily up all of a sudden.
“uh Ellie? Can you have Coffee?” ever protective Bob asked.
“oh…your right, well if I cant drink it then I want to smell it hehe.” I said thinking to myself that I’ll just get a caffeine-free frappacino(?).
“lets go!” they said in unison and got up from the floor. I smiled…I had everything Semi-back to normal.J

We passed our spot in the park; fooling around the whole way to Starbucks, talking about going at the band full time, making the guys give me piggy-back rides, singing songs.

As time went on Gerard started getting lonely and getting bad feelings so he would come over to my house to spend the night in my room, nothing sexual, just company, talking, movies, falling asleep in each others arms. Gerard was depressed and I was worried about him, he was still my best friend after all.
“Gee..” I whispered and touched his hand, he was fast asleep next to me. He twitched a little and suddenly grabbed hold of my hand. I moved stray hairs out of his face, as he slowly opened his eyes.
“hey…” I whispered, “ are you feeling okay?”
“yeah, much better, now that I’ve seen your beautiful face.”
“what time is it?’ I yawned.
“I don’t care, I could spend forever with you next me.”
“aw, Gee, don’t go saying things like that, your charm is too much for little ol’ me.” I smirked jokingly and closed my eyes to fall asleep. I felt something warm and soft touch my lips lightly. I opened my eyes and found it was Gee, he kissed me and he smelled of liquor and cigarettes. He hugged me and pulled me closer to him, intensifying the kiss.
“Gee..”
“Oh Ellie, your so beautiful.”
“Gee, your drunk.” I tried to pull away, hoping not to hurt his feelings.
“no I’m not. Ellie, please.”
“No Gerard, I cant. I’m with Frank, and your drunk as hell.” I tried to slip away, he pulled me down hard.
“Ellie I love you. Why cant you see that?” Gerard stopped trying to kiss me and looked me in the eyes. His eyes were beginning to get watery and red.
“Gerard, alcohol is never the answer, and your not showing me that you love me right now, this is alcohol induced emotions…and you know how much I hate that poison! Look what its done to you! Your not the same! Your hurting yourself and me and Mikey and everyone!” I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in, I sat on the edge of the bathtub with my head in my hands; tears running down my face, and Gerard begging me to come out. I glanced over at my sink and saw my scissors and I stared at them for the longest time wanting to feel a sting over my wrists as I ran the edge of the scissors over my skin, but never over a vein, just enough to hurt a little. I got up quickly and grabbed the scissors, as I did I saw my reflection in the mirror. I saw the tear stains on my face and my hair was messy and askew, my eyes red and puffy along with my lips and nose from wiping my face. I felt sorry for that girl in the mirror. I looked down to the scissors in my hands and opened them so that I could use one blade and I sat down on the edge of the tub again I lifted my shorts up and put the cold metal on the skin of my thigh, the metal gave me Goosebumps and in a swift movement I dug the blade of the scissors into the skin making a long red mark. It hurt good as I cut, then it stung and pulsed as a little bit of blood came out. I dropped the scissors and got some toilet paper to clean up the blood on my cut and scissors. I wrapped up my cut with a big bandage and pulled my short’s fabric over it to cover it up, just a little sting to remind me all the time that its still there. The banging on my door stopped which was curious to me. Maybe Gerard had left? I went over to open the door and check. I slowly opened the door, I couldn’t see Gerard. I crept out of my room into the hallway and into Frank’s room down the hall, I knocked a little before opening the door and going inside. There was a little bit of light coming from Frank’s computer screen, I could see Frank laying down on his bed under his covers, I quietly went over to his bed and climbed into bed with him, trying not to disturb him as I got comfortable. I was facing away from him and I moved his arm so that it was around my waist and so he was spooning me. I felt his arms pull me closer to him
“what are you doing here?” he whispered in my ear , his hot breath giving me Goosebumps
“Frank, I’m so sorry for waking you, I just… Gerard’s drunk and he tried to kiss me. He left, but I just didn’t feel like sleeping alone in case he came back and was still drunk.” He rolled his eyes.
“but are you okay? Did he hurt you?” he got really serious.
“no, I’m fine, I just wanted to be with you.” I said trying to calm him down.
“okay babe, you can stay with me whenever you want.” he wrapped his arms tighter around me and kissed my neck.
“oh Frank.” I moaned and that just excited him more. I turned around so that I could face him and preceded to kiss him passionately. He ran his warm hands up and down my body, grazing my breasts. He slid one hand under my loose shirt undoing my bra with that one hand and cupping my breast and squeezing it making the nipple hard and erected, making me moan. He then went to taking off my shorts, I felt him stop all of a sudden, It was dark so he turned on a light all of a sudden making my eyes squint.
“care to explain Ellie?” for a second I didn’t know what he was talking about till he pointed to the bandage on my thigh. Dammit.
“uh, I accidentally cut myself this afternoon.” I said hoping he would buy it.
“Ellie, I know your lying to me..” he took off the bandage and saw the red mark, still very much fresh. He looked at me sadly and worriedly.
“Frank I’m fine, I just got really upset with Gerard, and it was just force of habit.” I tried to brush it off, trying to kiss him again. He just looked at me and didn’t react to the kiss.
“Ellie, are you sure?”
“yeah, I’m sorry, you know I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t need to, I just really needed to, it was a long time since I’ve done it last.” I said trying to get him to feel better.
“okay, I know Ellie. I just love you so damn much and I hate to see you hurt.” he said holding me face and kissing me carefully and sweetly.
“I know Frank and I love you.” I kissed back. After just a second of kissing Frank stopped.
“maybe this isn’t a good idea right now…”
“why Frank?”
“because I know for a fact that he has strong feelings for you and I know you do too, and if I know you’ll never love me fully, till you get Gerard out of your head and it just be me in your heart and mind. I think you should try to work things out with Gerard. At least try with him, if not, if it doesn’t work then I’ll always be here.” Frank was serious about this, and I was worried, I wanted to love Frank fully and whole heartedly but he’s right I should at least try with Gerard, I’ll never be over him if I don’t try. But at the same time I’m afraid to hurt Frank’s feelings, I mean I do love him so much but I don’t know I guess I have to try, in the end if not for me then for Frank.
“I think your right Frank, I wish it wasn’t this way but your right. Do you think I should go find him?”
“yeah we’ll go together, I cant let you go out there all by yourself, besides…he could be in a drunken rage,
God forbid.” I went to put on another bandage, some pants, shoes, and a hoodie and we went out the front door and towards the playground first. The night was calm for now, we really shouldn’t be out this late, or rather early. Its 1:00 in the morning, we arrived to the playground and sure enough there was Gerard, kneeled over and heaving out the liquor he couldn’t hold in anymore. It made my gut wrench seeing Gerard kneeling to vomit and then laying down next to the pile of vomit trying to control his spinning head. I know he had snuck into his dad’s liquor cabinet. Frank and I stood over Gerard’s tired body, I didn’t like seeing him this way, it broke my heart and made me feel helpless. Frank and I helped Gerard home, “Heey guyss, whas goin on?”
“Keep walking Gerard.”
“Ellie, your really pretty, you smell real nice, you alwas doo.” he keep slurring his words and he could hardly walk he was so intoxicated. I was on the verge of tears and Frank could see that.
“Gerard how much did you drink? Your wasted buddy.” Frank said
“wha are you talkin bout? I had only a little tiney bit to drink.” he answered hiccupping after the sentence.
“I tried to wipe my tears and continued to help carry Gerard home.
“were almost there Gerard, can you make it?”
“yeahp, I’m goood.”
“we better take the back door to go directly to the basement, so he doesn’t wake up his parents or Mikey.” I suggested, and we went directly to his back yard and tried to shove a drunk Gerard through the window that leads to the basement. I went in first so that I could help catch Gerard and keep him steady, as soon as Gerard cleared the window Frank came in afterwards to help me put Gerard into his bed. As soon as Gee hit the bed, he fell asleep.
“finally..” I sighed, checking my clothes for vomit or spit from Gerard. Frank observed his room and I did too after I saw that he was staring at something. On Gerard’s desk was the drawing of me holding the roses.
“he does have strong feelings for you Ellie. He may just be depressed because he thinks hes a failure with you, he really does love you, hes stupid cuz hes hurting you more than showing you that he loves you.”
“yeah I know, he just doesn’t know how to cope with everything so he turns to the booze.” my lip quivered, I was holding back tears as I brushed my finger over the faintly stinging scar on my thigh.
“well lets go home, or we’ll never get any sleep.”
“yeah. Okay, do you think he’ll be okay alone?”
“yeah he’ll be fine, hes home now, come on and stop worrying you’ll see him later, I’m sure he’ll come looking for you after tonight, or he just might not remember anything after he wakes up so.. Either way its cuz the booze.”
“yup. Okay lets go.” we climbed out the window and shut it tight and ran across the street to my house, its creepy out here at night. I don’t want to get shanked lol.