True Love Hurts

She was in love with him, plain and simple. From his ridiculous tattoos to his stretched ears to his bad habits. She loved everything about him. She didn’t want to love him, of course. She wanted to hate him. She wanted to hate his smoking habit (both legal and not). She wanted to despise how much he drank. She wanted to be furious with the way he acted ninety-nine percent of the time.

But she didn’t. She didn’t hate him, and she was worried she never would, and that was the problem.

Ashley crumpled up the paper in front of her. It was her forth attempt at trying to write Matt a letter, and each attempt was worse than the previous one. She couldn’t get the words to come out right. Everything was a jumble and she wasn’t getting her point across. She wanted to get her point across more than anything, especially if this was the last letter she would ever send.

It wasn’t the first letter, of course. Ashley had wasted twelve months missing Matt, and in that time she had written twelve letters. Or rather, she had written what felt like hundreds of letters. But had only sent twelve. Twelve well written, perfectly polite, and nice letters.

She had decided well before she started that this last letter would not be nice and it most certainly would not be polite.

With a deep breath, she began writing again.

Dear Matthew,

This is my last letter. You don’t have to worry about hearing from me anymore after this. I’m sorry if I was a “bother” to you. I have so much left to say, but only a limited amount of space and a limited amount of time I’ve allowed myself, so I will keep this short and sweet. Well, at the very least it’ll be short.

You are inconsiderate. I apologized for leaving without a word, but communication is a two way street. You could have picked up your goddamn phone and called me. How many letters did I write? How many times was I desperately trying to reach you?

Too many, if you ask me.

No matter. You don’t have to worry about hearing from me anymore now. I promise this is the end. You can continue on with your life. Tour the world, meet a new girl in each city, or don’t and stay faithful to whoever the hell you’re with now. I don’t care anymore. Or at least I’m going to try and stop caring, because it hurts too much.

I’m sorry for bothering you. Have a nice life.

Ashley

She sighed, raking her hands through her long blonde hair as she read over the letter once more. When she figured it was good enough, she folded it into threes and stuffed it into the closest envelope to her spot at her desk. Then she set it down and tried to ignore it glaring back at her.

But of course, now that Ashley was thinking of Matt she couldn’t stop. She hated him and she loved him all at the same time. And she missed him, God did she miss him. She hadn’t seen him in twelve months, ever since she had packed up and left. She cringed at how much it hurt thinking back to that day.

”Ashleh!” one of the boys called out as she walked through the door. They were having a mini get-together in honor of leaving for tour the next day. At least she thought it was the next day. It could have been a week from then for all she knew. It didn’t matter though. She would be gone before they knew it anyways.

She pasted a smile on her face as she hugged Oliver and then took turns hugging the other boys as well. “Where’s Matt?” she asked anyone, not caring who answered.

Oliver gave me a skeptical look. “Wiff tha’ new bird ‘e met. Wha’s ‘er name? Faith? Hope? Somefhin’ like tha’, some emotion or somefhin’,” Oliver babbled to Ashley, as if it mattered. As soon as the words “new bird” left his lips, her heart had dropped.

She bobbed her head up and down, nodding slowly. “Right, okay thanks.” She didn’t bother sticking around to have drinks thrust at her that she didn’t want. She just wanted to see her best friend.

She pushed through the crowd of people filling up the flat where Oliver, Matt, Tom, and some other guys lived. She made her way into the kitchen, where Matt was going shot for shot to some brunette bitch. Ashley scowled. She stood in the doorway of the kitchen, waiting for them to finish before she made her way over.

Fake smile, she reminded herself. “Matt!” she called over the music, catching his attention. He whipped around, and smiled his big, dimply smile as soon as he saw her.

“Ashleh!” he exclaimed, pulling her in for a hug. She ignored the butterflies fluttering around in her stomach at his touch and his excitement, because she knew he was drunk. Or at least getting there. “‘ave yeh met Olivia?”

Ashley smiled and stuck her hand out to shake the brunette’s, despite her obviously intoxicated state. “Oliver said your name was Faith. Or Hope. He wasn’t sure actually.” She was trying to be nice, but her tone was bitter.

Olivia just smiled, oblivious to her venom and nodded. Maybe she was stupid, Ashley thought. Or maybe she was that drunk. Ashley didn’t care. “Hey Matt can I talk to you for a minute?”

He nodded, informed Olivia he’d be right back, and then he followed Ashley down the hall. The two of them went through the flat and didn’t stop until they reached Matt’s bedroom, because at least it was quiet in there. Ashley closed the door behind them and fell against it, staring at Matt as he sat down on his bed. “Wha’s up, love? Yeh seem tense.”

“Are you happy Matt?” she asked suddenly, cocking her head to the side in question.

He chuckled, scrunching his face up in confusion. “Why do yeh ask tha’? ‘m well on my way ta bein’ pissed, ‘ve got a new bird waitin’ for meh, meh best friend is ‘ere, and ‘m goin’ on tour tomorrow. Of course ‘m ‘appeh!”

She smiled, albeit sadly and nodded. “I wish you the best, Matt. I do.”

“Wiff wha’?”

“With Olivia,” Ashley stated simply with a small shrug. “If that’s what you want, then I wish you the best.”

Of course, Matt missed the point entirely. He missed what she was trying to throw at him, but that was fine.

After all, Ashley wouldn’t be there the following day anyways.

The blonde rubbed her temples in exhaustion as she stared at the white envelope with his name on it. Suddenly, she felt frantic. Suddenly, she had to get rid of the envelope and she had to get rid of it now.

She swiped the envelope up and before she could stop herself she was heading out the door.

***

Ashley had moved back to Sheffield roughly two months ago, and so she knew Matt’s place wasn’t far from her. That was the main reason she had chosen the flat she did because it was close to an area she had known well at one point and time.

Before she knew it, she was pulling up in front of the building and getting out. The adrenaline fueled by her anger was pumping through her veins, and it was the only reason she was doing this. Her feet were being propelled by her rage, but it didn’t matter. As long as she got there somehow.

She knocked on the door of his flat. She knew he was home; he had gotten home a few nights ago. She had given him enough time to recuperate from the welcome home party she was sure they had thrown. He had no reason not to answer.

Her knowing became more and more intense, more impatient, and more obnoxious. “Answer the goddamn door!” she called out, frustrated beyond belief.

With her fist poised over the door, ready to continue knocking, it swung open, only to reveal and angry and disheveled looking Matthew. His face went from angry to surprised to shocked to what the hell are you doing here? in about five seconds. It would have made Ashley laugh if she wasn’t so pissed.

She shoved the letter at his chest as she stormed past him. “You have a lot of nerve, Matthew!”

“Ashleh? Wha’ in the ‘ell are yeh doin’ ‘ere? When did yeh get back? Where did yeh go?”

The blonde whipped around to face him, pointing her finger at his chest accusingly. “You never called me!” she yelled. “You never answered my letters, you never let me know if you were dead in a ditch somewhere or out taking over the world. You never fucking cared Matt! So why should I?”

She watched the anger flash in his eyes. “I neva cared?” he growled lowly. “Wha’ in the bloodeh ‘ell are yeh talkin’ abou’? Yeh come stormin’ in ‘ere like yeh own the place and yeh start yellin’ at meh when I ‘aven’t seen yeh in a year! ‘ave yeh lost yehr mind?”

“Read the fucking letter!” she screamed, stomping her foot and pointing at the envelope in his hands.

So he did. He opened it and read it slowly, the only sound in the room was Ashley’s breathing and the occasional noise from Matt. When he finished, he brought his gaze back up to hers. “I neva said yeh were botherin’ meh, Ashley. Neva once did those words leave meh moufh,” he spoke quietly.

“Yeah? Well you sure didn’t ever try to get into contact with me. Twelve letters Matt. A letter a month, and you never once replied to any of them.”

“I didn’t respond to yeh lettas because I didn’t know wha’ ta say!” he exploded, throwing the paper onto the ground in frustration. “I read every single one, I just didn’t know how to respond. Wha’ did yeh wan’ meh ta say Ashley? Yeh left wiffout a word and then suddenly yeh want to talk ta meh again?”

She scoffed and crossed her arms tightly in front of her chest. “I was only gone for a week or so before I wrote you the first time, Matt. It’s not like I really gave you time to miss me. As if you would have if I had anyways. None of that matters though! I was in love with you, you idiot. Did you conveniently forget that part of my first letter? Or my second? Or the forth I wrote when I was completely drunk off my arse?”

He softened dramatically when she brought up love. Of course he hadn’t forgotten. And he told her that. “I didn’t know wha’ yeh wanted meh ta do, Ashley. Yeh were tellin’ meh ta be ‘appeh wiff Olivia one second and the next yeh were sayin’ yeh love meh. Wha’ am I supposed to do wiff tha’?”

Tears welled in her eyes. “You’re supposed to love me back,” she said simply. “That’s all. I’m not supposed to have to tell you that either, Matt. I just wanted you to love me, but if you didn’t then I wanted you to be happy. I definitely didn’t want to lose you though, but look how that turned out for me.”

“Yeh didn’t lose meh, Ashley,” he spoke softly, taking a step closer to her. “‘m right ‘ere. I neva left. Yeh’re the one runnin’ away. Yeh’re the one who left meh.”

“You’re the one who didn’t stop me,” she retorted, trying to keep up her tough front. They both knew it wasn’t working though. She was crumbling, and fast.

“I can’t read yehr mind, love. Yeh know ‘m not the brightest star in the sky,” he joked, trying to get her to smile. “If you just hadn’t left...” he muttered, looking down at the ground. “Yeh know, I broke up wiff Olivia.”

“When?”

He shrugged. “About two weeks inta tour. She couldn’t ‘andle it, and I didn’t need tha’. She wasn’t yeh, tha’s for sure,” he smirked.

Ashley let a smile grace her lips for the first time since she had stepped foot in that flat. “Of course she wasn’t. There is no one like me. Not many people can handle your shit, Matthew.”

He chuckled and nodded. “I know. Tha’s why I don’t want yeh leavin’ meh again, Ashley. I don’t want yeh goin’ anywhere. Do yeh even know ‘ow much I missed yeh this past year? Was the longest year of meh life.”

She sighed. “Why didn’t you just tell me that, Matt? Why didn’t you just pick up the phone and call me? Or hell, write me back! Anything. I would have taken a damn carrier pigeon for crying out loud!”

He shrugged sheepishly. “I don’t know, Ashley. I figured yeh left for a reason. I didn’t know if yeh wanted ta hear from meh.”

She rolled her eyes dramatically. “You’re an idiot, Matthew,” she laughed before she took a step to be closer to him. “But you’re the idiot I missed with my entire heart so I guess I’m the idiot too.”

“Never,” he smiled, kissing her on the forehead. “’m sorry, Ashley. I didn’t mean ta upset yeh, I just didn’t know wha’ ta do.”

“Why don’t you shut up and kiss me?” she smirked.

So he did.

They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me. Young love, murder, that is what this must be.