Finding You

I never understood why bad things happened to good people. I was a good person. A very good person. I didn't have sex before marriage. I didn't binge drink. I have never done drugs. I worked my ass off for the shit I have. I take care of Marley and treat her like a sister because she has no family. I help Tyler out whenever he needs it, including paying the rent when he's up short on his half. I did everything I could to keep us together. I was never mean unless it was absolutely necessary. I hardly ever lie and even when I do, it's nothing major.

I was a damn good person. So why did bad things always happen to me?

Oliver was leaving in a few days for tour. I knew he'd come straight back to see me after, but I didn't want him to go.

And to top it off, my mother had killed herself. She had always said she wouldn't make it far without my father. He had a thing for younger women, though, and never stayed faithful. I had no idea where he was. My mother was supposed to be in a mental institution, really, but my younger brother, who was nineteen, wouldn't allow it. My mother lived with him in an apartment. The incident happened while Liam, my brother, was at his college classes.

I came home from work to find the place empty. My nerves finally calmed down. I practically ran into my room, slamming the door shut, locking it, before I started packing every single thing I had. It took me about three hours, but, eventually, I had finished. I wasn't staying here any more. I had a plan to move to New York, where my brother was, to stay with him, help him with the funeral, develop some kind of relationship with him. I might even look for my father.

I knew leaving like this was a terrible idea, but I couldn't face the people I cared about more than anything. Especially Oliver. He's going back to England, any ways, for tour.

The other day, I heard him talking with Tyler. Oliver had told him that he got a wedding ring and was going to propose the day he left. He would give me the time he's on tour to think about it and get the final answer when he came back to visit.

I was running away. I didn't want to tell him "no" again. I love him, but I'm not ready to be married. It scares the shit out of me. I was only twenty two. We're both too young and he constantly tours as it is. I couldn't handle it. I'd be stuck at home everyday, with his loud ass dog, panicking, worrying myself over if he's alright, if he's cheating, what's going on, where they are, whatever, anything I could thing of. It would drive me insane.

After all my things where packed, really just thrown in duffel bags and suit cases, I booked the earliest flight to New York then called a cab to the airport. After a thirty minute wait, then going through all the security, I was on my way to New York.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oliver. I love you with everything in me, but I had to leave.

My mother committed suicide, so I have to go live with my brother and help him out. Please, don't try to come after me. I won't tell you where I am. It's better this way. I will call you as soon as I can, after everything is settled.

This hurts me as much as you, trust me. But I heard you talking with Tyler. I'm still not ready for marriage. We're too young, and you've got a lot going for you right now. I don't want to ruin anything for you. I don't think it's right for me to go on tour with you every time and ruin your fun. And all that time together is bound to cause fighting. I also don't think it's fair for me to be stuck at home, worrying about every little thing that could happen with you gone, missing you for months and months on end. That already happens now. Think of how worse it would be if we were living together, married.

I don't know if I will come visit you after tour. I need time to think and get my head straight. Everything in my life is really messed up right now.

You deserve better than me. I will understand if you choose to move on and find someone better. I want you to be happy. Do what you need to do, Oli. Don't wait around for me forever.

I do love you. Don't think I don't.

-Noelle.

I read the note over and over while sitting on her bed. Her room was completely empty, besides the furniture. I was so happy to get back from a day of exploring with her friends and see her. But all I found was an empty room with a note on the bed.

I packed all my things up after booking the first flight back to England. I was starting to think maybe she just wasn't the one.