Finding You

A week with my brother was turning into a disaster. Mostly because of the funeral arrangements. He was too much of a wreak to help, with school work on top of it all. I had taken most of the responsibility around the house and with the funeral. Everything was pretty much all set by then. I really was dreading the day of the funeral.

I hadn't thought much of Oli or my friends back in Florida. I had been too busy to think much of anything besides my mom and Liam. Tonight was the only night where things weren't hectic and I could just sit and think alone in my room. I didn't like it.

I missed everyone like crazy, especially Oli. I thought about calling him, but he had just started tour. Things might be as hectic there as they are here. I didn't want to interrupt anything, either. I didn't even know where he was, so I don't know what time it is for him any ways.

I hated myself for leaving him like I did. Marriage isn't so bad, really, so I honestly don't fully understand myself on not wanting to get married. Girls all over the world would kill to marry this man, and here I was running away from him and marrying him. He loved me so much, I knew it. I felt it whenever we were together. Even when we weren't together. He had such a special place in my heart. I constantly question now why I kept running away. I knew how I felt about him never being home, and that I didn't want to join him on tour and us spend too much time together. I felt there was another reason, but I couldn't quite figure it out. Maybe I was just scared of the thought of spending the rest of my life with someone. I had never been in a relationship, so I didn't know if he really was the one I should marry. I felt he was, but can anyone ever be sure? I didn't know.

My thoughts were overwhelming me until the point to where I was literally sobbing into my pillow. I had made a huge mistake running away from him. I knew he was the one. I was just scared.

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"Oli, yeh can't blame yehself, okay? She told yeh why she left. She even said don't come after her. Stop killin' yehself over one bird, mate." Nicholls voice rang through my ears as I was instant messaging Marley. I was trying to get as much information out of her as I could, considering her and Elle told each other everything. Marley knew that her brother lived in new York, but she didn't know if Elle's mother also lived there or somewhere else. She said Elle hardly ever said anything about her mother.

"Matt, shut yeh yappin'. I love her, alright? I need her. I will find her and yeh can't stop meh. I can't leave us like this." I finished up my conversation with Marley, deciding on what I needed to do. I had to find her before it was too late. I didn't care what she said. We belonged together, and together is what I would make us. I was scared that I would lose her forever.

I slammed my laptop shut, gathering up all my belongings before evacuating Matt's flat, going home to start on my plan.

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"Elle. can you help me?! I don't know how the fuck to tie a goddamn tie and it's pissing me off!" The sound of Liam's voice rang through the whole apartment, making me cringe. I smoothed out my knee-length black dress before slipping my heels on. My hair was left in loose curls down my shoulders. My eyes were rimmed with black, making my eyes a piercing green. This was it. The day I put my mother into the ground.

"Coming!" I replied, grabbing my hand clutch before exiting my room. I quickly walked into Liam's room and helped him tie his tie.

"Thanks, sis." he sighed, staring at himself in the mirror. I gave him a small, sad smile through the mirror before exiting the room. I called for a taxi while he finished up.

Once we got to the church, it was filled with people who knew my mother. People I didn't know. I felt highly uncomfortable at this point, making me cling to Liam's side most of the time.

Once the ceremony started, a few people said a few words before it was Liam's turn. He read a poem then a letter he had written. Everyone was in tears by the time he was finished.

Eventually, we all moved outside, to where my mothers grave was located. It was raining by then. They said a few more words before lowering her casket into the ground. Everyone threw white and red roses, her favourite, down with her after she was lowered.

By the time the last person left, I was on my knees on the ground, sobbing. Liam had walked off with someone else to talk with them, so I was left alone, in front of my mothers grave, sobbing into the ground. I took deep breaths to try to calm myself, but it didn't work. I only ended up crying harder.

After a few minutes of my horrific screaming sobs, I felt a hand on my back. I slowly sat up some, leaning over on my hands. I knew there was dirt and mud all over me since it was raining, but I didn't care. My mother was gone and I hardly had any time with her.

"C'mere, love." The voice said softly. The person pulled me into their lap, wrapping their arms around me tightly. I felt lips against my hair as I sniffled, looking up at the person.

"Oli?"