To Love And Back.

“I’ll be waiting for you downstairs. I love you”

I got out the bathroom of the guest room to find a written note on the bed, saying John was waiting for me for the Sunday brunch. I was even more nervous than the night before: this time I was alone with John’s family, and we would have had more time to talk.
I got dressed with a simple flowered dress and I didn’t even wear a lot of make up: I wanted them to see who I was for real. I walked downstairs, following the voices to the rear, the same place where the barbecue was settled on the night before. When I stepped out, feeling the Arizona sun burning my skin, I looked over at John, who was talking to his brother Ross.

“Andy! You’re finally here!” Mrs. O’Callaghan’s voice made me jump, thing that made her laugh.
“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to scare you!”

“It’s ok, don’t worry” she smiled at me “do you need help?”

“Not really, thank you. You are the guest after all”

“Thank you very much for everything, Mrs. O’Callaghan” she shook her head laughing

“How many times do I have to tell you? Call me Jenny” I nodded, trying to smile

“Thank you then, Jenny”

“You’re welcome Andrea. I’m very happy to have you here; John has always been kind of a free spirit and sometimes I worry about him. When he told me he had a proper girlfriend I was very curious about this lady who changed him to be the man he is now”

“John is a great guy”

“Just like his father, right Jenny?” Mr. O’Callaghan surprises us, and this time he made jump his wife too. The only thing I could think by looking at him was that his moustaches were very… big.

“I couldn’t say otherwise” the two laughed and I tried to keep a smile on my face for the whole day.
I felt their eyes on me every move I made, and that made me insecure, like I was doing something wrong.

John approached and his parents went back in to get the dishes. They thought we needed some time alone, just because they didn’t know we had the whole night before already.
Parents sometimes look like they’re blind. If only my mom was there…

“Hello pretty lady”

“Good morning” he kissed my cheek and took me by the hand “I see you’re happy”

“I am indeed. I couldn’t ask for more, this was the best birthday I had in ages”

“Well I’m honored”

“Who said it was because of you?” he laughed when he saw my frown “oh come on, you know it’s all because of you”

“That’s way better”

In the meanwhile, Mrs. O’Callaghan got back with a few dishes full of salad. I didn’t want to look weird but I was so hungry I could have eaten the entire table.
We all sat around it and started to eat in silence.

“So, Andy” I knew that moment was coming, the moment where Mr. O’Callaghan would have started asking question about me “tell us about yourself! We didn’t have the chance to talk properly last night” I took then John’s hand and held it tight “What are you majoring in?”

“Communications and journalism”

“Like John Franklin right?” John looked at his dad shaking his head “Oh, right. His name is Kennedy now. I sometimes forget, I know him since he was a little boy”

“Kennedy is a nice guy”

“We love him as a fourth son”

“Oh well that would have been awesome, having another older brother who bullies you!” said Shane, making his parents laugh.

“Tell me, asshole, when is the last time I hit you?” I loved that situation. John’s family seemed very close, even more than mine.

“John, watch your mouth” Mrs. O’Callaghan tried to stop the beginning of a brother fight, and surprisingly, she did it. The two guys immediately shut up.

“Do you have any siblings Andy?” she asked then, looking back at me. I shook my head “well as you see you’re not missing anything” I laughed.

“Are you going to carry on with your studies, Andy?” all those questions about me were totally making me uncomfortable, but I managed to reply politely hoping something unexpected would have distracted them from talking about me.

“Yes, possibly”

“John looks like he’s doing well in college, aren’t you son?”

“I’m trying the best I can dad, actually Andy helped a lot through the last terms” Mr. O’Callaghan really cared about his sons’ future and that was totally shown by the way he talked.

“Is that true?” the man asked looking at me. I simply nodded “thank you then, we owe you. John never was into school, we had a lot of issues with him back in high school. I was very concerned he wasn’t going to carry on and go to college, fortunately then he surprised me”

“Dad, come on, Andy doesn’t want to talk about this. We will get back to college soon and we need to have fun on our last days of summer vacations”

Mr. O’Callaghan nodded and laughed “you’re right son. So, is it time for the cake yet?”

The man’s wife smiled and walked into the kitchen, to get out with a big cheesecake that totally got my attention. Before we could start eating it though, the door bell rang and interrupted us.
John got up to go and open the door, while Mrs. O’Callaghan was sliding the cake up.
We were waiting for John to start eating it but he wouldn’t arrive, thing that made me suspicious.

“Where is he gone? I’m hungry” Ross complained

Mrs. O’Callaghan turned to me “Darling, would you like to go and tell John we are waiting for him?” I nodded and walked back into the big house, hearing John talking to someone.
I was afraid I knew who it was at the door. I stayed in the kitchen for a while, keeping on hearing what they were saying. When I recognized Erin’s voice I felt my heart trembling.

“Erin, the only thing I can tell you is that I’m sorry, I’m sure she didn’t do it on purpose”

“You think of her as a saint, I really can’t understand why you love her so much”

“I’m not talking with you about this now; my family is waiting for me outside”

“You should stop being so blind” John puffed.

“And you should stop being so determined about this. You’re still young and you are perfectly showing it by acting like you’re doing now. You need to leave me alone Erin; we’re still friends but things changed. I’m not your babysitter anymore”

“It’s just because of her”

“It’s not. I always told you what I thought about us, it was impossible from the beginning. I never saw you like that, and you know it”

“Actually you just told me I was too young at that time and you didn’t want a girlfriend”

“And that was true, back then”

“What changed then? We’re still John and Erin”

“I changed” I heard a sigh and thought it was Erin’s “you don’t understand Erin. I think you’re a beautiful girl, I always told you. If I wanted, I would have kissed you that night in the backyard of your house, you know it. But I didn’t, and I know I had the chance, I know you would have let me”

“Then why you didn’t do it? You know how I felt about you, how I feel about you”

“Erin, don’t start with this again. I think you are too good, I always thought you didn’t need to be with someone like me, you don’t deserve someone as reckless as me. Back then we both know I could have fucked up because I was barely sober, but I couldn’t-I didn’t want to risk our friendship just for a kiss, or even worst. You were 17, I was about to go to college, and you were about to go to Spain for an entire year. It wouldn’t have worked anyways”

“What if she wasn’t here now?”

“I don’t know, I can’t tell. I love her Erin, you can’t understand”

“You’re wrong”

“You don’t know what love is, Er! I didn’t know what love meant at your age, how are you supposed to know how to feel?”

“I know how I feel when I’m with you John, and that’s enough for me to know it”

They both stayed in silence for a while; in the meanwhile I heard footsteps coming in. I turned to see Ross standing there with a questioned look on his face.

“Listen Erin, I’m sorry. You can’t stay here. I need to go back” I heard the door being closed and a big sigh coming from John’s mouth, before hearing a giant ‘fuck’.
Yes, that was what I thought too.

I decided to go back to the rest of the family while Ross remained in the kitchen, waiting for his older brother. I told Mrs. O’Callaghan they both were coming back; in fact, after a couple of minutes, both Ross and John were sat at the table.

“Who was at the door?”

“Austin” John replied very fast “so, are we eating or what?” he started eating, looking into his plate, not even talking or looking at me. He was very nervous and I could sense it.
Me, well, I was just disappointed and sad. I just heard a girl telling my boyfriend she loved him, and he lied about it in my face. He told me he never liked her, but from what I heard that wasn’t completely true. The brunch continued for a while but we all knew there was something different.
John seemed in his own world and never looked me in my eyes, clear sign of guilt.
Tension was in the air and no one could deny it.

As soon as Mrs. O’Callaghan stood up and started taking the dirty dishes to the kitchen, John walked back very fast, saying he didn’t feel very good. I wanted to help Mrs. O’ with the cleaning but she suggested me to follow his son. I really didn’t want it right then, but sooner or later it would have happened, right? We had to talk about it.
I took courage and walked up to his bedroom. I knocked but he didn’t reply, so I opened the door, finding him laying on his bed, in silence, watching the ceiling with a cigarette in his mouth.
I closed the door behind me and walked to the bed, laying next to him.

“You heard everything, right?” I sighed “I’m sorry. Are you mad?”

“Would you be happy to know your boyfriend lied about a girl he said he didn’t feel anything for?”

“I’m an asshole”

“Yes you are”

“I just thought it was nothing important”

“Until now” he nodded “Why are you acting like this?”

“Like what?”

“Weird”

“I’m kind of confused right now”

“About what?” he shrugged his shoulder “Is it because of what she told you?”

“I just didn’t expect it”

“Me neither”

“I think that if I kissed her, maybe we weren’t together”

“That’s possible”

“Are you mad?” he asked again, looking into my eyes. I sighed. I knew he felt bad about what happened, I could read it in his green eyes. Still, there was a bell ringing into my head.
He lied, after all. And I didn’t like liars, in any way, and wasn’t different. He wasn’t an exception just because I loved him to death.

“I’m disappointed”

“I’m sorry”

“I know”

I turned to look to the ceiling and so he did. That was the beginning of the breaking of my heart and I felt it inside of me; I felt that fear I always had, the reason why I never wanted to have a relationship. I was slowly getting hurt, even if we were still together.
I closed my eyes and tried not to burst into crying. I had to be strong enough, at least until I didn’t get home. I decided to get back to the guest room for a while, I needed some time alone.
I got up John’s bed, making my way out of the room. He stood up as well, following me.

“I love you Andy, she doesn’t mean anything to me, I swear it. I may have lied about the past, but now I’m not, believe me”

“Then why are you so confused about knowing she loved you?”

“I told you, I didn’t expect it”

“Well, guess what? I didn’t expect to find out you were lying about her” at that point I was really getting mad. I felt bitterness, I felt anger, I felt disappointment. “I love you John, you know it. But remember what I told you before we were getting together?” he nodded “I will never let anyone making me feel hurt, I told you a thousand times and you promised me you would have never done it. As far as I can see, you can’t keep your promises though”

“What can I do to make you believe me?”

“I don’t care what you do. I don’t want her in between us again, that’s what I know. She is trying to make us fight and she’s fucking succeeding, while I’m trying to defend our relationship”

“And that’s why you deleted her texts and didn’t tell me she called me, right? To defend our relationship” I knew that was coming out. I knew she told him, and that was legit because she was trying to tear us apart, that was what she wanted after all.

“Yes John, that’s the reason. I’m not letting her doing this to us. It took me one year to understand how much you mean to me and now I’m not letting a girl taking what’s most important for me”

“So you thought it was mature to delete a text message without telling me?”

“Which side are you John? Seriously! You sound like you’re defending her! I’m the one who got locked in for the whole night yesterday and you’re defending her!?”

At that sentence, John shut up. I knew she didn’t tell him. Of course she didn’t.

“What are you talking about?”

“Last night I told you I was feeling sick because I didn’t want you to think I was lying if I would have told you she locked me in the guest room. That’s why I didn’t come down for the rest of the barbecue, I couldn’t”

“And why you didn’t fucking tell me?!” He shouted, scaring me.

“I thought you wouldn't have believed me! Last time I told everyone I was being blackmailed by Jules no one believed me”

“I did! When Kennedy asked me about the texts she sent me and I asked you to talk, I told you I believed you exactly because I knew what kind of girl Jules was! Erin is my friend since we were little, it sounds weird she’s doing this to you but I trust you and I know you wouldn’t ever lie to me! You should have told me!” I puffed and looked away “I don’t want us to fight, fucking hell”

“Seems like your friend was just waiting for this”

“Listen Andy, I’m sorry, you’re right about everything and if you want me to tell you the truth, I will. But please don’t break up with me, I love you too much, I don’t want to lose you”

“I’m not breaking up with you John” he smiled weakly “come here” I opened my arms and he got closer to hug me. We held each others bodies tight for a while, before his phone started to ring.
I puffed. John took his phone out of the pocket and sighed, making me read the name on the display. Of course, it was her, calling him. He pressed the red button and threw the phone on the bed.

“I promise I will talk to her and tell her she needs to leave me alone for good” I nodded “I’m not letting anyone getting between us again. I promise Andy, I swear to God”

I believed his words once again, because he seemed so sure about them.
Then I hugged him and told him I loved him, before the phone could start ringing again.