To Love And Back.

“Thanks for everything, Mr. O’Callaghan”

“You’re welcome Andrea, come back to visit us as soon as you wish”

I got out the O’Callaghan’s house with John following me. My mother was already waiting for me in her car, and in all this I felt too many eyes on us. John greeted her and she just waved.
I smiled at the beautiful guy in front of me, saying him goodbye for another week. It was even harder to leave him there, knowing there was a girl who was trying to take him away from me just next door.

“I’ll see you next Saturday”

“Hopefully” I said, almost hopeless. It was like I wasn’t confident of our relationship anymore, and that wasn’t good. I couldn’t feel like that just because of a fight. I still trusted John after all: I knew he was going to talk to Erin. The problem was Erin herself: I really didn’t trust her. But how could I? After locking me in and telling my boyfriend she was in love with him, after trying so hard to get us apart, how could I trust someone like that?

“Did I ever miss a weekend together?” I shook my head “exactly. See you on Saturday” he hugged me and gave me a kiss on the forehead. I sighed and kissed him back, this time on his cheek.

We looked into each others’ eyes before sharing a brief pick on the lips. I was so embarrassed, both my mom and John’s parents were staring. Parents don’t understand the concept of “privacy” sometimes. I walked to the car, putting my bags into its trunk, and sitting in the front next to my curious mother. I smiled to John who waved at me, before the engine could start and my mom could drive away from Tempe.
For the whole time I didn’t talk much, even if my mom was trying to get as more information as possible. I just didn’t want her to know what happened with the whole Erin situation.
Most of all, I didn’t want to process that again and remember. I just wanted it to be a nightmare.
Maybe I would have woken up soon; maybe I was just imaging it all. Maybe.

As soon as we got home, I disappeared and went up to my room, without even having dinner with my family. I changed into my PJs and crawled into bed, under the blankets.
I felt too stressed to handle questions and faking the fact everything went great.
John texted me but I didn’t reply. He texted me twice, and a few more times, asking where I was, but I really feel broken hearted, even if we kind of worked it out between us.
A part of me knew that Erin would have never stopped getting in our relationship; girls like her are so determined they would do anything to get what they want. The other part was confident, and hoped she would have understood it. Erin kinda reminded me of Jules, and I really didn’t like that.
At the nth text John sent me, I thought it was better to reply. I wasn’t being exactly kind with him.

“Hey, are you sure everything’s ok? I’m worried. Do you want me to feel guilty? Well, you’re doing it right. I didn’t meant to hurt you in any way, I feel like you’re still angry at me. It’s understandable but please, talk to me. We can work this out. I love you”

I puffed and really didn’t know what to reply. I had so many thoughts running through my mind and if I let it speak out, I knew he would have misunderstood me.
But he knew something was wrong, and I couldn’t deny it again.

“I’m sorry, I’m just worried too. About us. I trust you even if you didn’t tell me everything about you and Erin, but I still do. I know you’re honest, but I’m worried about her. She’s not giving up and you know it. I love you, I just don’t want us to break up”

“We’re not going to break up”

I sighed and put the phone away. In the meanwhile, I heard a knock on the door. I let my mother get in with a plate and a fork in her hand. She sat on the bed and asked me if I wanted to eat something.
I looked at the salad in front of me and just nodded, taking it and started eating in silence, while she stared at me. I felt under arrest.

“I feel violated” I said, making her laugh.

“I’m just worried about you. You didn’t say anything for the whole drive back home and as soon as we got home you came up here. Your dad asked if something was wrong with John. If so, he is going to personally kill him, that’s why he asked me to tell you” I laughed.

“No need to get his hands dirty. Everything’s fine, trust me”

She sighed “if you say so. Just remember I’m here, even if you have to tell me you’re pregnant”

“Mom, I’m not pregnant, if that’s what you think”

“Thank God”

“That’s the first thing you thought? Like, really? Do you think I’m that stupid? I love John but there’s no way I’m having his babies, at least not now” she smiled at me and kissed my forehead before taking the plate and leaving the room without saying anything else.

I got back on my favorite activity for the evening: staring at the ceiling. I spent almost an hour imaging I was just dreaming, imaging Erin was an illusion.
I decided to read something, and of course I couldn’t choose anything but Harry Potter.
I was in the middle of the final battle with Voldemort when I felt another knock on the door.

“Unless you have a giant cup of coffee with you, you’re not allowed to come in”

I heard someone laughing on the other side of the door “well, looks like I’m going to stay on this side of the door for the whole night then. I’m making myself comfortable”

I knew whose voice was it; I couldn’t believe it, even if I was sure. I got up the bed and went to open the door: there he was, sat on the floor for real.

“John? Are you crazy? What are you doing here!?”

“How many questions. Can I come in, even if I don’t have coffee with me?” I nodded and let him get in. In the meanwhile I heard my dad telling me to be quick and most of all that I didn’t have to lock the door. I laughed and closed the door behind us.

“There was no need to come here” I said, feeling him following me on the bed, where we sat one in front of the other.

“After what you told me in the last text, I thought there was the urgent need to come here actually. And you’re talking like we live a thousand miles away. It’s just twenty minutes far”

“I didn’t expect you, that’s all”

“And that’s a good or bad thing?”

“I guess it’s good. I’m glad you’re here” he smiled

“I want to talk about this for the last time, but I want to work it out for good. I thought we were ok, but as always you girls pretend you’re ok when you clearly don’t”

“I already told you John, it’s nothing you can do. I’m just afraid she’s not going to give up”

“I’m talking to her as soon as I see her. Believe me”

“I do believe you John” he sighed and took my hands into his. I looked down to our fingers entwined and felt my heart beating like it was about to come out of my chest.

“What did I tell you? No one is going to tear us apart” I nodded “why are you so unsecure about this? If you trust me, you know I’m not going to do anything wrong that could hurt you”

“I know… I guess I’m just paranoid. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry if you had to drive here for nothing”

“I didn’t drive here for nothing. It was the least I could do”

I sighed “you’re such a good boyfriend, it’s humiliating” and made him laugh.

“You’re not a bad girlfriend”

“Yes I am”

“Well then I like you anyway. Wait let me rephrase that, I love you anyway” I smiled and hugged him spontaneously “I love your cuddle mood” I giggled

“I love you too John”

He kissed my cheek “do you think we can kiss properly now? We didn’t have the chance today” I laughed and nodded, and let him kiss me. As soon as I felt his tongue trying to touch mine, I let him do it. He tried to push me down onto the bed and I was about to bring his body on mine when I heard someone’s footsteps coming upstairs. I pushed John away and tried to look calm when my mother got into my room without knocking. I knew it was my dad’s idea, that’s why I didn’t freak out, but I looked at my mom with a very angry stare.

“We’re going to bed. Goodnight” both John and I smiled at her with awkwardness before she could close the door. I puffed as soon as we were alone again.

“I’m sorry about that…my dad doesn’t like the idea of us together in the same room”

“I wouldn’t like it as well. I mean, knowing my daughter is spending her time alone with a guy would make me so mad” I laughed

“I didn’t think you were such an old minded guy”

“Hey, it’s my daughter you’re talking about, my princess”

“You really sound serious about this!”

“I am!”

“Ok, papa O’Callaghan, tell me about it”

“Only if you let me slid under your sheets”

“That’s tempting” I made him crawl into bed next to me, even if he was in his jeans and t-shirts.
We started talking randomly, laughing and trying to pretend everything was alright, for the whole night. I didn’t even remember how we both fell asleep.
The next early morning, as soon as I realized he still was there, hugging my body tightly, the first thing I thought was that my dad would have killed the both of us if he found out John stayed in that same bed for a whole night. I gently tried to wake John up by shaking his body and calling his name, until he opened his green eyes and looked at me.

“Morning”

“You have to go before my dad finds out you slept here” I said, pretty worried

“I hoped in a better good morning, but I guess you’re right” he got up and stretched his skinny body before looking back at me and noticing my alarm clock “fuck, it’s just 5 am”

“I know. I’m sorry but I really don’t want my dad to get mad at me”

“I see. I’ll talk to you later. Bye” he kissed my forehead, leaving me in bed while he sneaked out, like the old times, when he had to sneak out from my room at the sorority house.
I heard the engine of his car starting and its noise getting further and further. He was gone.
I felt kind of relieved after that night together, after his words and after what he did to show me he loved me, by driving to me that fast to reassure me. Feeling better, it didn’t take me much before I could fall asleep back again.

For a moment I really thought we could start it off again, without any kind of issue.
I just needed time to go back to ASU to understand I was all wrong.