Lose Your Pride

I bite on my bottom lip as Travis continues. Travis and I have been “dating” for a year and a half now. It’s more like an open relationship because he fucks whoever he wants and vice versa. “I’m leaving Sunday. Finally moving out to Florida.” Travis has been talking about leaving New York since we started dating. I never knew he’d actually do it. “You know, the house I found out there is pretty big. I might need a roommate.”

I would love to just pack up my bags and move with Travis. I would love to just start over. “I’ll think about it.” He laughs, tracing circles on my inner thigh. “I have six days to decide?” He nods and I cuddle closer to him on the bed. “God, I would do anything to get away from here.”

“So why don’t you come? Why don’t you just tell me that you’ll drop everything and leave because you love me so much?” He runs his fingers through my hair. I can’t even think of a reason not to leave. A few weeks ago, I would have said no because “I’ll miss Hannah”, “I’ll miss Victoria”, “I’ll miss Gavin”, “New York is my life”. But all of these don’t even feel like a good enough argument anymore.

“I’ll think about it.”

“You hungry?” Travis climbs off the bed and helps me up, pulling me out the room and down the stairs to the kitchen.

“Yes, Travis, I’m fucking starving.” “Victoria and I went out to lunch earlier.” I sit down at the island, watching him as he starts putting a sandwich together. I would never let Travis see me eat. He’d probably think I’m a disgusting pig and never let me go to Florida with him. He stares at me suspiciously. “What?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat. Not even once.”

I laugh, but I can feel my heartbeat increasing. “You’re crazy, Travis. How many times have you taken me out to dinner?” He continues to stare at me and I sigh, picking up his sandwich and taking a bite. “Are you happy?” This sandwich tastes like Heaven. I chew without tasting and swallow.

He shrugs and takes a bite of his sandwich. “Yeah, you’re right. I have spent hella money on you, going out to those dinners and shit. What was I thinking?” I laugh and Travis smiles. “I really wish you’d come with me. I mean, I fuck a lot of girls. But it feels nice to come home and have you here.” I kiss him, tasting ham and cheese and white bread and mayonnaise and lettuce and tomatoes on his mouth. I pull away and laugh at the big smile on his face. “Does that mean yes?”

I shrug and walk to the fridge, pulling out a water bottle. “You can always find somebody down there. Find you a nice girl named…Natalie. Get married, have a few babies.”

“Or,” He opens my water bottle and takes a sip, “you can move down there with me, we can cut this ‘open relationship’ shit out, actually have a real relationship, get married, and have a daughter named Natalie.” I bite down on my bottom lip as Travis stares at me.

“I’ll think about it.” I tell him for the third time. He finishes his sandwich. I’m appalled by how he can just eat without worrying about how many calories/how much weight will be gained/how many sit-ups will be needed/how long it will take to work that food off/how fat he’s going to get. “Are you comin’ to the party with Victoria and me?”

Travis nods. “I gotta take a shower.” He kisses me, a long, passionate kiss, before walking out the kitchen.

JOHN’S POINT OF VIEW

“John.” Somebody taps me on my shoulder. I turn around to see Pat, holding up two beers. “You look like you need one.” I mumble out a ‘thanks, man’ before popping the beer open, taking a long swig. “What’s up? You’ve been acting weird since you came over.”

I shrug. “Cecile and I got into another fight.” I scratch the back of my neck, sighing. “We get in fights all the time, but they’re really starting to get to me.” Cecile Robinson and I have been going out for four months now. At first, it was the best relationship I’ve ever been in. But now, all we do is scream and fight.

Pat nods. “Dude, get rid of her.” I sigh and he shrugs. “You and I both know you can do better than that stupid…” He stops himself, biting on his bottom lip. “…girl.” Pat Kirch is the nicest of all my friends so I was surprised when he expressed to me how much he didn’t like Cecile.

I shrug. “Maybe. Where are the rest of the guys?” I haven’t seen Jared, Garrett, and Kennedy the whole time we’ve been at this party. Pat points at the kitchen and I follow him there, seeing the three of them sitting at the table with two girls. I recognize one of them automatically.

Chanel.

She is twirling an empty beer bottle absently on the table, hardly paying attention to the conversation going on around her. I sit in the chair next to her and she looks up. “Are you stalking me?” I ask her and she smiles.

“Hardly.” She rolls her eyes. Her friend looks over at her, raising her eyebrow. “Victoria, this is John. We met earlier today when I was with…” Chanel trails off and Victoria smiles.

“Hey John.” Victoria is black. She has long black hair and nice boobs. Her voice is seductive and I feel myself getting turned on, just looking at her. I smirk and she winks at me, taking a sip from her red cup. “CC, you didn’t tell me you met a cute boy today. And that he had cute friends.” I watch has all the guys laugh or turn red.

“I was gonna, but I got caught up in some other stuff. And I didn’t know he had cute friends.” Chanel looks at me accusingly and I smile, leaning close to her.

“Maybe I want you all to myself.” I whisper in her ear. She tilts her head back, laughing.

“You can try.” Chanel smirks, playing with her hair.

“And succeed.”

“I have a boyfriend.”

I want to slap myself. Of course she has a boyfriend. But I’m John Cornelius O’Callaghan V. I don’t get embarrassed or feel stupid or let a girl bring me down to her level. So instead of acting disappointed, I respond with, “So? I have a girlfriend.”

Chanel smirks and shakes her head as a guy walks up to the table. He has short brown hair and a few tattoos. I glare at him as he walks over to Chanel and kisses her cheek. “Hey Victoria. Long time, no see.” Victoria stands up and hugs him, laughing the whole time.

Once Victoria and Travis stop talking, he picks Chanel up, sits down in her chair and sits her in his lap. “Travis. This is Jared, Garrett, Pat, and John.” Chanel introduces us and he smiles at all of us. She runs her fingers over the tattoo on his neck, biting on her bottom lip. “I’ve been thinking about what we talked about earlier.”

He nods, taking her hand and kissing it. I want to ask anybody if they see this ludicrous shit he’s pulling, but I’m the only one paying attention to them. But that doesn’t stop me from listening. “I think I wanna go. I’m so tired of being here. There are just too many memories in New York.”

“Does that mean yes?” Travis picks up Chanel’s red cup and puts it to his lips.

Chanel smiles and opens her mouth to say something, but her eyes lock with mine. Travis is too busy drinking to notice. After a second, she turns back to him. “I don’t know. I just wanted you to know that, I’m leaning closer to yes then no.” He kisses her and I watch as she smiles into the kiss.

I get up and leave before they pull away from each other. I wish I could be with Chanel. I wish I could hold her and kiss her and have her sit in my lap. But I’m with Cecile. And Chanel is just a stranger (with a boyfriend) that I’ll probably never see again. So I let those thoughts leave my head and walk to the cooler.

CHANEL’S POINT OF VIEW

Travis is with another girl.

I know it shouldn’t bother me because we’re in an open relationship or whatever, but tonight it’s just pissing me off. She has long blonde hair and a body I’d die (literally die) for. He keeps touching her, messing with her hair and wrapping his fingers in her belt loops, pulling her toward him. I knew it wasn’t a good idea to have him come with me.

“Some kind of boyfriend.” I hear John behind me and I turn around. He has a beer to his lips and he’s staring down at me. “I mean, I’m not that good of a boyfriend. But I know I’m not supposed to flirt with other girls right in front of my girl. That’s just common sense.”

“It’s more complicated than you think, John.” I scoff and he smirks. “Travis and I are in a open relationship. We live together, kiss, fuck, act like a real couple. But we can still go around and kiss and fuck whoever we want.”

“That sounds dumb as fuck.”

I shrug. “Yeah, I’m starting to think it is too. I don’t even know why I agreed to this shit. It never bothers him when I mess with other guys, but it bothers me when he’s fucking around with other girls. I guess I just like him too much to do this.”

John nods. “Well, I’m single for the night if you want to mess around.” I laugh, but shake my head.

“No. I think I just wanna go home for the night. I’m tired of watching them. And even if I get piss drunk, my mood is ruined for the night.”

“I’ll drive you.” John volunteers. I smile.

“Lemme just find Victoria real fast and tell her I’m leaving.” John nods and I walk to the dance floor. She’s dancing with Garrett. I laugh and she smiles. “I’m gonna go home. I’m not feeling in the party mood anymore. John’s gonna drive me.” She nods and hugs me.

“I love you baby girl.”

“Love you too.” I turn around and find John right in the spot where I let him. “Let’s go.” He takes my hand and pulls me through the crowd of sweating, dancing people. We walk out the front door and walk a few blocks, him asking me questions the whole time. He stuns me when he asks where I’m moving.

“I was easy-dropping,” He admits and I smile.

“Travis is going to Florida on Sunday. He wants me to go with him.”

“Are you gonna?” John takes his coat off and hands it to me. “Take it.” I shake my head and he furrows his eyebrows together. “You’re fucking freezing, just take it.” I pull it on and sigh.

“I don’t know anymore.” I stare at the ground as we walk. “I would love to just get away from all the bullshit here. But I feel like the bullshit is just gonna follow me to Florida.” He nods and drapes his arms over my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. I smile. “Do you want me to stay?” I challenge.

John smiles. “Yeah.”

I smile. “What about your girlfriend?”

“I don’t think she’s gonna be my girlfriend any longer. All we do is fight now. I’m so done with her shit and she’s done with mine. I’m probably gonna break it off in a few days.” He runs his fingers through my hair. “You’re too beautiful to just be a guy’s second choice, Chanel.” I feel tears burn at my eyes. I want to punch him because he knows that’s not true. I’m fat, ugly, stupid, worthless, hopeless, a waste of space. I don’t even deserve to be somebody’s second choice. “Hey, you alright?”

I bite on my bottom lip and nod. “Yeah, I’m fine.” John stops walking and turns to me. I can hardly see his face in the dark so I know he can’t see my tears. Before I have time to stop him, his lips are on mine. He has the softest lips I’ve ever felt. I pull him closer to me, deepening the kiss. He pulls away after a few seconds/minutes/I can’t even tell.

“Don’t leave, Chanel.” His lips find mine again.