Lose Your Pride

I bite on my bottom lip, staring at the sleeping boy lying beside me. I try to remember the events that unfolded last night. After John kissed me, he took me to his apartment. We drank a few bottles and ended up here, in his bed.

I slowly crawl out of his bed, searching for my things. I’m pulling my shoes on when I hear him wake up. “Chanel?”

I stare down at him and he smiles at me. “Hey John.” He furrows his eyebrows together. “I have to go to work.” His cell phone sitting on the nightstand starts ringing and he gives me a “don’t leave” look before picking up. I bite on my bottom lip, plopping down on his comfortable bed.

“Hey Cecile.” John runs his fingers through his hair, sitting up. I watch the blanket fall off him and reveal his chest. There’s a tattoo across it that says, “we all have been degraded, we all will be the greatest”. I listen as his voice rises. “You know what, I don’t want to do this anymore....Yes, I’m breaking up with you….Cecile, you know that we’re not working out….I’ll talk to you later.” He hangs up and looks over at me. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine.”

“You were leaving?” He stands up. “Why? We can hang out here, watch a few movies. Eat some snacks…” I can’t hear him because he’s walking out his room. I follow him to the kitchen. He’s pouring a bowl of cereal. “You want some?” I shake my head, revolted at the thought of even being around food.

“John, I need to get going actually. I, um, I have some errands to run. And I have to go to work.”

“Don’t lie to me.” He puts a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. “You don’t have any errands to run. If you think it’s awkward because of last night or something, I want you to know that we didn’t do anything. Nothing. I tried,” John grins, “but you were exhausted so we just went to sleep.”

“Really?”

He nods and laughs. “So are you down to chill?”

“I guess. We just can’t kiss anymore because I have a boyfriend and I love him.”

“Bullshit, you guys are in an open relationship." He laughs and I smile. "I can make you love me.” John challenges. I bite on my bottom lip and he smiles up at me before eating some more cereal.

“That’s debatable,” I sit down across from him, taking in the look of his apartment. It's clean; it seems too clean to be a guy's apartment. There's no dishes in the sink, no clothes on the floor. Another person wouldn't even believe somebody lived in this house.

"C'mon, Chanel. I mean, I'm attractive. You're attractive. Why don't we just do it?"

"I can name a few reasons." I chew on my bottom lip. "One, I love Travis. I'm probably going to move to Florida with him.” John rolls his eyes and I smile. “Two, you’re way too cocky for my liking. I like guys who are unsure of themselves.” He leans back in his chair, interested in what I’m saying now.

“I’m not cocky, I’m confident.” John leans toward me, smirking. “Now I have a few reasons why we should be together. Like I already said, you’re cute and I’m cute. We need more cute people to make cute babies. Two, my cockiness,” He smirks, “will balance out your lack of self-confidence.” I feel my cheeks burn and I look down. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings or make you feel like shit, but it’s easy to notice when girls aren’t comfortable with themselves. And I can tell you’re not.” I bite on my bottom lip and he reaches over the table, squeezing my hand.

…..

I spend the whole morning with John. We get to know each other better. I learn a lot about him: he’s in a band called The Maine with Pat, Kennedy, Garrett, and Jared, he’s really into music, especially Tom Petty, his two front teeth are veneers (he wouldn’t tell me the story behind that), he’s 6’2, and he's really close to his family.

"So what about you?" John inquires. He's spread out on the couch across from me, staring intently at me. I chew on my bottom lip and John smiles. "That's cute. The way you bite on your bottom lip." I smile and he laughs. "So, let's start off with your family?"

I shrug. "My mom and dad got divorced after they had me. My mom and I don't get along very well. She's the co-founder of Lose Your Pride..."

"Shit, forreal?" John beams. "I just bought a pair of jeans from that store. Two days ago." Lose Your Pride has been called the 'greatest clothing company since Abercrombie and Hollister'. Everywhere I turn people are wearing LYP. It was weird at first to see everybody wearing what my mom created, but I’m used to it now.

"Yeah. She doesn't even have time to talk to her daughter because she's too busy making clothes." I pick at a loose thread on the pillow I’m holding and John continues to look at me. "My dad moved to Australia after they got divorced. If I don't go to Florida with Travis, I'm going to Australia."

"You know how much deadly, poisonous shit there is in Australia?"

I shrug before continuing. "I have an older brother. His name is Brody. When he graduated from high school, he left. I haven't talked to him in three years. He used to call occasionally, but not anymore."

"Your life is depressing me." John mumbles. I laugh and he smiles. "Who was your last boyfriend?"

Gavin. Gavin. Gavin. Gavin. Gavin. Gavin. Gavin. Gavin. Gavin. Gavin. Gavin. Gavin.

I bite on my bottom lip. "This guy named Gavin. He lives in this apartment complex, actually. I was leaving his place when I met you the other day. We, uh, we were on and off for three and a half years. "

"Damn."

I shrug. "Yeah, I wasted three and a half years on a piece of shit. What about you and Cecile?"

"We went out for a few months, four, I think. She's too much for me to handle. I would put my effort into making the relationship work, but I don't care anymore. Everything has to go her way, be this way, be that way or she's not satisfied. I just want a girl who doesn't give a fuck."

I smirk. "That doesn't sound like a good thing." John shrugs. I pull my phone out and look at the time. “I have to go. I have to be at work by noon.” I stand up and pull my coat on. He stands up and pulls my phone out my hand, saving his number in it.

“Call me,” He smiles, pulling me into a hug.

…..

Victoria walks up to my desk, playing with her long black hair. “Chanel, what are you doing here? Even Renee said that she doesn’t think you should be here. It’s way too soon; she said you could take a whole week off.”

Victoria and I both work at Models Inc. It‘s a open call modeling agency in New York City. Multiple girls walk in with beautiful long hair and skinny legs, praying they‘d get accepted into the model world or at least get a callback. Renee is our boss; she’s the woman most girls meet when they are interested in modeling. She’s really picky; I’ve seen too many girls walk out of this building with tears in their eyes because Renee is a bitch speaks her mind.

“I don’t need a whole week off.” The only reason Renee said she’d give me a week off is because she admires my mom. Every time I see Renee, she asks me about my mom: “is she doing okay?”, “does she need models for LYP?”, “tell your mom I said hi”. It used to be really irritating, but I’m getting used to it.

Victoria picks up a pen off my desk and twirls it around in her fingers. “She’s worried about you, Renee. I am too. Hannah was your best friend. Even if you guys did have your ups and downs.” I shrug and Victoria smiles. “Hold on.” She walks back over to her room and I watch her through the transparent walls to her office as she opens her fridge.

Oh god. She didn’t, she didn’t bring food and expect me to eat it. I glare as she saunters back over, holding a tray of fruit. “It’s not going to kill you, Chanel. Just eat something.” She sits it on my desk and takes the top off. I look at all the fruit: watermelon, grapes, cantelope and more.

“I can’t.” I shake my head. “Do you know how many calories are in that stuff?” Victoria shakes her head and walks away, defeated. “I’ll eat a grape.” I pick up the green grape and examine it before popping it into my mouth. Victoria gives me a half-hearted smile.

“Thanks Chanel.” When she turns around to walk back to her room, I spit the grape into my trashcan. I can’t eat, I won’t eat. I’m never going to eat anything again. My phone rings and I answer. “This is Chanel from Models Inc., how may I assist you?”

“Chanel. Will you bring me a cup of coffee? Black?” Renee sounds tired. I tell her yes and hang up, walking out my office. I walk by Victoria and she rolls her eyes, smiling. Once I get the coffee, I take the elevator up to her floor.

Renee’s assistant, Venice, walks out her office, shaking her head. “Have fun. Renee’s in such a great mood today.” She growls, pressing the button on the elevator. I smile and walk into her office. Renee’s on the phone with somebody, rubbing her forehead.

“Well it’s not my fault that your models can’t come in on time….” I place the cup of coffee on her desk and she mouths ‘stay here’ before getting back to her conversation. “Ron, you call me when you have a problem that I care about.” Renee slams the phone day. “It’s been a stressing day.”

“I see.” I sit down in the chair across from her and her eyes scan my face.

“How are you holding up? I explained to Victoria already that I expected you to take more than one day off. Chanel, I might seem like a shallow bitch, but I know how it is to lose a loved one.” Her eyes bore into mine and I bite on my bottom lip. “I have an offer for you.” I nod. “Fashion Week starts here in February and ends in Paris in March. I was wondering if you’d be willing to appear with me in Paris. It would be in the middle of February.”

I gasp. Me, in Paris, for Fashion Week? I bite on my bottom lip, letting the thought bounce around in my head as Renee continues. “Venice is going to be able to assist me in February here in New York, but not in March. I believe you’re one of my more experience interns and you'd make good company.”

“Thank you so much for the offer Renee. I—I don’t know what to say…” Renee cuts me off before I continue.

“You don’t have to answer right now. Just know the offer is up there.” Renee smiles at me and I smile back before walking out her office, my heels sounding too loud on her wooden floors.