I Hate That I Love You

thoughts

Alyson P.O.V

My next class was Herbology. I sat next to a guy name Neville. He was really shy and seems to have a poor self esteem but I managed to make him comfortable around me. He was really a sweet guy. Neville is terrific at Herbology. He helped me in some part of classes and we had a friendly chat. It was great spending time with him.

After lunch I had transfiguration. Seamus kindly offered to walk me to class and I accepted. We chat along the way. We sat together in class too. Later that night, when all of our classes were over, the four of us were settled in front of the common room fire doing our homework.

“So, spill it.” Ron said.

'You go first.’ Harry thought to me. I glared at him and he just smile.

“Fine.” I sighed. “Remember Dumbledore said that Snape knew I existed right?” they nodded. “Well, he thought me potions for all these years. Although we don’t really see eye to eye, I have to admit he is really good at it.” Ron snorted, earning an elbow in the stomach from Hermione.”I am to be honest dreadful in potions. I never liked the subject.”

“But you got and Outstanding in it.” Ron interrupted. We all glared at him.

“Can I please finish?” I said. Ron nodded. “Snape is really strict but after he thought me for a year I improved a lot. Last year, he thought me advanced potion. I did the draught of living dead for least 10 times before I got it right. So after doing it so many times, I got everything naturally memorized.”

“Oh. I can’t believe that git has it uses too.” Harry said and we all laugh.

“Your turn, dear brother of mine.”

“It's this book, somebody crossed out the directions and put their own tips in and it was faster and easier.” Harry showed us the book.

“Let me see that.” I said and took the book from him. Hermione lean in to see too. There were indeed a lot of scribbles in the book. Those words look familiar to me but I couldn’t really remember where I had seen it before.

“Are you done? Can I have it back now?” harry asked.

“Oh, yeah sure.” I handed it back to him.

“I think you should return it. It’s cheating.” Hermione insisted but Harry being him will not listen. Over the past few days, I realized he was a stubborn person like me. Then I felt something on my wrist. My bracelet it was pricking. This was a bracelet I got from Dumbledore. So that it was easier to communicate. When I had problems back at New York, I just had said the message and use my wand to tap on it three times. The message would be sent. The same was done if Dumbledore had a message for me. I stood up, took my bag with me and go up to my dorm. I locked the door and tap on it three times.

-Meet me in my office in 10 minutes. There will be a meeting. Change and the password is acid pops. –

The message floated in the air. I change into a black skinny jeans and a black shorter v-neck cami as fast as possible. I wore black gladiator suede sandals. I put the black hooded coat that I always wear for those meetings in my bag and walk down swiftly. My hair was tied up in a high ponytail.

“Where are you going?” Harry asked when he sees me going out.

"Somewhere," I answered." I'll see you guys tomorrow. I’ll be back late." I walked out of the common room; heading towards Dumbledore’s office. Before I left, I notice Harry and Hermione were looking at me suspiciously. When I reach his office, I gave the password and walk up. I opened the door to see Snape there too.

“Ah, there you are. I was beginning to worry that you might not be able to leave your friends and brother.” Dumbledore said.

“Good evening Grandpa and professor Snape. Sneaking out isn’t a problem. I’m good at secrets remember?” I smirked and left my bag on the chair.

“Did you brother and friends suspect anything?” Snape asked coldly.

"They are starting to but I’ll find a way to end it.” I replied.

“How are things going?”

“Not much improvement at the moment. It’s only been a few days.” I sighed.

“I suggest we go now. Wouldn’t want the others waiting for us too long.” Dumbledore smiled. I take my coat and wand from the bag and put on. I pulled the hood up. I took off my contact lenses and wore my glasses.

“Number 12 Grimmauld place.” I said clearly as I threw the floo powder.

*flashback*

Age 15

I was asked to be part of the Order of the Phoenix by Dumbledore. I agree immediately. He said that I would be useful with my connections with Voldemort and my powers. Though at the moment I have no idea why I had the connection and my real family. I still agree. The only thing is that the orders could never know who I was. I had to use a different name.

It was the summer few days before I turned 15, he took me to the first meeting. I was so excited. I wore a black hood coat and dress all black. I even wore my glasses to look least recognizable. I side-along apparated with Professor Dumbledore to the headquarters.

“Keep a low profile. Your name is Lexi, get it?” Dumbledore told me. I just nodded. “Only Snape and I will know who you are so obey whatever we say.”

“Hello, Albus. We’ve been waiting for you.” A male man at about age 40 plus came and opened the door.

“Hello, Authur. I’m sorry to keep you waiting.” Dumbledore greeted him. I followed him in. The man looked at me but said nothing. The front door opened into a long hallway, lit by a large chandelier and gas lamps. Its wallpaper was peeling and the carpet had been worn thin. As Dumbledore opened a door to another room, it was a kitchen.

There were many people arguing and discussing. The kitchen was a cavernous room with a large fireplace at one end and a large wooden table in the centre. When the door opened, they all looked at us.

“Finally, Albus. I see you brought someone new. Who is that?” they all eyed me. I assumed it was because I was wearing all black and not to mention hooded. They might have thought that I was a death eater or something.

“Good evening, people. I would like to introduce you to a new member of the order. Her name is Lexi.” Dumbledore introduced me. “That is Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Kingsley Shaklebolt, Alastor Moody, Snape, Tonks, Authur, Molly and Bill Weasley.” All of them smile at me.

“Albus don’t you think she is a little too young to join the order?”Remus asked.

“How old are you dear?” Mrs. Weasley said coming to my side.

“14 and 15 in days.” I said coldly. They were shocked when they hear that. I don’t know is it because I sounded so cold or it was because I was so young and there was never a member so young.

“Absolutely not. We are not involving a young girl like her.” Mrs. Weasley immediately said fiercely. I just lean quietly on the wall next to the door and listened to them with my arms crossed to my chest and head down.

“Why would you involve her, Albus? She is underage, she would be caught using magic outside school.” Tonks stated.

“She is special. She has information that we could use. She has connections to you-know-who and amazingly strong powers. Even I myself find it fascinating.”

“What kind of powers?” Moody questioned calmly.
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Third person P.O.V

“Demonstrate Lexi.” Dumbledore ordered Alyson. There was silence and suddenly they heard the glass crack. The water in the glass turn to ice. They looked at her wide eyes. Her eyes are now blue. Then Alyson set fire in the middle of the table. Her eyes turned gold this time.

“Who would like to help me in the last one? Fair warning though it hurts.” She said without looking up. They all looked at each other afraid of this girl in front of them. At age 15, she was really powerful.

“I’ll do it.” Remus volunteered.

“I warned you.” Alyson said before focusing on him. She shut her eyes and focused really hard. When she opens her eyes again, they were blood red which scares them. Suddenly, Remus started to feels excruciating pain of fire in his whole body. He collapses on the floor and writhes in pain. They looked at him in shocked. Sirius immediately ran to him.

“That’s enough, Lexi.” Dumbledore ordered. Alyson immediately awaked and her eyes back to green. Remus stop writhing in pain and the others were relieved.

“You could’ve killed him.” Sirius hissed at Alyson.

“You have nothing to worry about. It’s just an illusion. No harm will be done and that was the lowest level of pain.” Alyson stated unemotionally.

“It feels horrible though.” Remus said standing up.

“Albus, are you sure she is not a death eater or anyhow a relative to you-know-who?” Bill asked.

“I can confirmed you that.” Dumbledore confirmed their fears. “This is all I have to say for today’s meeting.”
At that Dumbledore brought me out and apparated her home. Alyson took out her glasses and hood when she reached home.

“Good job.” Dumbledore praised her and smiled.

“I’m an actress. Aren’t I?” Alyson smirked.

*end of flashback*
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Alyson P.O.V

So this is me. I’m part of the Order of the phoenix but nobody knew who I really was except Snape and Dumbledore not even Sirius knew. I’ve been in the Order since 15. The order member’s knew me as my middle name Lexi. They knew I was still young and special. That is all.

So wearing all that was my cover. I usually wear all black and kept my hood up all meeting. I usually kept my head down and kept quiet. I was the mysterious new member they so called. Mostly I just hear them talk. I only spoke when I need to. They treated me better after the first few meetings. They started to feel comfortable around me. I never use my powers again.

This time the meeting took about 1 and a half hour. I was exhausted when I get back.

“This meeting is boring.” I complained slumped on one of the sofa. I didn’t bother taking of my glasses or my coat.

“You are the one that agree to join the order in the first place.” Snape said.

“Can’t you just agree with me once? You always have to disagree.” I asked.

“How was first day of school?” Dumbledore asked me.

“It was so amazing, grandpa. People I’ve met are so nice except Malfoy and some Slytherins.” I stated and looked at Snape. “Professor Slughorn offered a vial of liquid luck to whoever that managed to brew the perfect Draught of Living Death.”

“I supposed you got it since you brewed it so many times last year.” Snape said.

“I did actually. I didn’t even have to open my book. It was clearly in my head that particular potion.” I grin satisfyingly. “The weird thing was Harry actually got it too.”

“Your brother?” Snape said, disbelieved. “He isn’t that great in potions. How did he manage to get it?”

“He got this old book from the cupboard and it was all scribble with words. The steps are like how you thought me.” I thought back about the book. Snape was silence.

“It’s late now. I think you should get to bed. Do you want professor Snape to take you back?” Dumbledore spoke finally.

“I’d rather get lost or get caught by a teacher than him walking me back to the Gryffindor tower.” I sneered. I took all my things and went out. I didn’t go back to the common room instead I head down to fifth floor again. I looked around careful not to get caught before sneaking in to the music room. I lid a candle on fire and walk to the piano. I sat on the chair softly putting my bag on the floor. I let my hair fall down. I placed my hand gracefully on the keys and started playing.

This time I played the same song again. I felt that all of my worries just went away. When I played the piano, that’s when I felt free, alive like nothing else matters in life. I could play the whole day without feeling tired or bored with it.
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Draco P.O.V

There it was again. A very faint music, the same song I heard last night. This time I decided to stay longer. The song she played was giving some sort of break in life. I couldn’t get the melody out of my head. As I look into the room, it was the same girl again. She was so enjoying herself in the music. I sat outside and listen to the music through the door. She kept playing the same song but it wasn’t boring. I found myself enjoying it very much but I knew sooner or later I had to leave. I left after 30 minutes. I told myself that I would return every night just to hear her play.
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Alyson P.O.V

After playing for 2 hours, I look at my watch and it was 1 in the morning. I knew it was late and I really didn’t want to go back. To leave this room is to face reality and my brother. I stood up from the piano and took my bag. I sat at a corner. So many thoughts went through my mind. My back against the wall, a leg pulled up to my chest.

I was wondering how things would be like if I hadn’t accepted everything. I would probably still be in New York hanging out with my best friends. I knew things would change once I said yes to be a part of the order and to be a Potter. There was no backing out now. I took out my wand and took the concealment charm off my wrist. I look at the scars and trace along them. I sighed and cover them back. I didn’t know how long I sat there. Eventually I dozed off in the room.