Leis Larsson

'I'm in your calculus class,' he stated. 'You're kind of bad at it.'
'Uh,' I blushed furiously, mortified.
'Yeah, Kramer asked me to pair up with you last semester, but I fucking forgot. Sorry.'
'Okay,' was all that scratched through my dry throat.
'Yeah, I'm supposed to help you out.' He laughed. 'Maybe you'll become a calculus prodigy too.'
'Hmm,' I nodded staring at the ground.
'Hey,' he placed his hand on my shoulder and my legs became very very impaired. My face flushed. 'Are you okay? Cause if you're gonna vomit, this is a lucky-ish t-shirt. I don't want any more color on it, you know?'
I shook my head vigorously. 'Yeah, I'm fine..I... I just need a drink of water. I'll be alright.'
'Stay cool,' he squeezed my shoulder. 'I'll get it for you, Sandy.'
'Uh,' I grunted, sounding like something was dying in my throat. 'My name's not Sandy.'
'Isn't it?' he laughed, leaving backwards. 'Well, it isn't. But, I mean, you don't look like a Dylan.'
He darted off across the hallway before I could correct him.
Talking to Leis was better than drugs. I shit you not.

I'll never regret that experience. The way I felt the first time we talked. Even in the face of all that happened afterward. Especially in the face of what happened afterward.

Seconds later he was back, handing me a plastic cup of fountain water, which I took oh so gingerly from him.
'Thank you,' I said somberly. Not just to him, but to God too. He'd set all this up after all, for me. And I was eternally greatful.

'I'll see you tommorrow.' He waved cheerfully. I waved shyly. He disappeared into the herd of students.

I don't remember the rest of that day.

That day I got home on the wings of day's miracle. I floated past the living room on my way to my boudoir.

'Hi Mum,' I greeted cheerily as she emerged from the kitchen, holding a dish towel.
'Hi Duncan, ' she stared at me for a while. 'Why so light? What's the good news?'
'Uh,' I suddenly got shy. She knew nothing about Leis, my Leis. 'Well...'
'I'm just gonna take a wild guess and assume it has to do with a boy. Am I wrong?'
I shook my head slowly, eyes falling to the ground.
'Oh, spill.' She wiped her hands with the towel and threw it on the couch.
'Well...Uh....' I mumbled.
'Duncan,' she said quietly, a serious air suddenly clung to her syllables. 'You're gonna tell me what happened. Or bad shit's gonna go down, hear me?'
My mouth formed a tentative 'O', I knew what she was getting at. I didn't, didn't, didn't want her to tickle me again. My ribs still stung from all the laughing I'd done last time. I clung to the wall as she approached me, like it could come between us and save me.
'Well...' I was still nervous. I'd never said this out loud before. To anyone. Ever. Or anything remotely like it.
'Come on Dunkie, times a-waistin.''
'He kinda... uh..' I thrust out the plastic cup. 'He gave me this.' I blurted.
My mom stopped, much to my reLeis, and gave me a lopsided frown. 'Yeah,' She sighed. 'I don't get it.'
'Oh, uh.. Well he kind of just appeared and I was faint cause I'd never seen him close like that before and he's never noticed me except he did and then he just came and said that he was supposed to be my partner in--' I stopped, winded. No full stops or commas.
'Sweetie, you're really excited aren't you.'
I couldn't hold it in. 'Yeah! Yeah. Oh mum. God has sent me this gift, do you think he is rewarding my faith? I think The Heavenly Father is encouraging me mum. I think I need to pray harder. I've decided to go to church tomorrow by the way. I have to speak with Him in His House.'
'Can't say no to that,' she said somberely. I knew she wasn't religious, but at least she wasn't standing in my way.
'Well, I prayed for this mom. I prayed and prayed and prayed for him to talk to me. Don't you think that's just proof of God's love?' I couldn't help but wish she'd agree. God was the one big thing in my life that she was outside of. I didn't like the distance.
'Sweetie,' she shifted a little. 'You're not telling me anything about this wonderful plastic cup boy. The same one you crushed on forever without telling me.'
'I'm sorry,' I frowned. 'I didn't know how.
'It's fine Dunkie. Tell me now.'
'Uh.. He's real tall.'
My mum nodded. 'So's your dad, Is he a religious nut too?'
I tried not to take offence and shrugged. 'I don't know. I think he likes rock music.'
'That rock music and religiousness arent mutually exclusive you know.'
'Yes, but it seems unlikley.'
'Ok. But you're sure he's gay too.'
'Well, no I'm not. But....'
'Sweetie, I don't want you to get your heart broken. Make sure first before you get into anything okay? This isn't the most tolerant place in the world you know,'
I nodded vaguely, much heavier than a few minutes ago. She sat down on the couch and patted the seat beside hers. I trudged over and sat beside her.
'And? Don't you wanna tell me anything else about cup boy. Like his name, maybe.' She insisted.
'Leis Larsson...' I couldn't help but get all dreamy as I thought about him.
'So you talked to him. Is that all? What did you talk about? Was he nice?'
I thought for a minute. 'Well, he was. He was really nice. He thought I was going to vomit, and got me the cup of water, all the way from the other end of the hallway. '
'Anything else?'
I shrugged. 'He called me Sandy.'
'You look like a Sandy... you're hairs all light blond.'
'Oh.. I didn't realise.... Anyway he thinks my name is Dylan.'
'Well he knows it starts with a D at least.'
'It's only because he was told to pair up with me because I'm bad at calculus.'
'Oh, you had your classes today?'
'No, he was told to pair up with me last year,'
'Oh. And he didn't?'
'He forgot.'
'So that's why he talked to you?' She sounded vaguely unimpressed, and it made me feel ever heavier.
'Well... I guess...'
'Doesn't matter,' she grinned. 'If you've got my D.N.A he doesn't stand a fucking chance. I've got dinner ready. You like potatoes?'
I was indifferent to potatoes but nodded anyway.
'Good.' and she exited.

We ate dinner with WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONARE as the soundtrack. Afterwards, I fled upstairs. I didn't want to answer any more questions. I suddenly realsied that the fact that just speaking to me about something like a forgotten calculus assignment wasn't all that impressive. But I had faith that things would only climb up from there. Besides, I had God on my side. And Jesus too. I took the notebook and decided to use it as a diary from that day forward. It doubled as a kind of progress report for my relationship advancements with Leis.

The next day I saw again. And he saw me. I was quite faint when he approached me.

'Hey,' he smiled cheerfully, leaning against the locker.
'Hi,' I croaked, trying to stay cool.
'So when are you taking calculus, I wanna make sure we have the same class this semester. I need to make up for last. Kramer's not a happy camper about this. He's so pissed at me.'
'Hmm,' I nodded.
He laughed. 'You don't say much. It's cool, I'll do the talking for the both of us. You wanna have lunch with me Dave?'
'Uh,' I muttered. 'My name's Duncan.'
'Oh. Well I forgot, I just knew it had a D. Well Duncan, you wanna have lunch with me.'
'Sure,' Inside my heart was thumping furiously against my chest, but outside I was staring at the ground, looking thouroughly unmoved.
'Don't get too excited.' He laughed and punched me lightly on the ribs. I couldn't help but giggle. I was way too ticklish.
'Get a room faggots!' Someone called.
'Jealous?' Leis shouted back.

I spent that morning navigating which class I had when, switching and re-arranging electives much to the chagrin of ladies behind their desks. I had to re-shuffle everything so my calculus could fit Leis's 10:00 spot. I was glowing internally, but on the outside I was clumsy and distracted. No one I spoke to that day was patient with me.

And lunch time. I usually ate lunch alone in a classroom or someplace secluded, outside. To see all these kids swarming around in the cafeteria was somewhat disheartening. I'd only come for Leis, but there were so many of them to wade through. I craned my neck and spotted him at the very end of the room. It was a good thing he stuck out the way he did, otherwise I could have been standing there for hours. I charted a route avoiding the kids prone to picking on me. Past the geeks, past the nerds, past the losers and loners, past the goths. And then Leis. I sat infront of him. His head was on the ground. He hadn't noticed me, and I was too scared to nervous say anything. I just stared at his shiny black hair, trying to think of what I'd say if and when he sat up.

Eventually he slowly raised his head, my heart promptly rose to my throat as his wintry blue eyes made contact with mine. He looked like he'd just woken up.

'Oh,' he perked up after recognising who I was. 'Hey.'
'Hi,' I sighed.
'You're always kinda red.'
I nodded, embrassmet only causing me ever more crimson.'
'I'm waiting for George.' He stated. I didn't know who George was, but I nodded like I knew what he meant.
'You'll like him, he's enormous. He's a junior. Like you.'
I nodded. 'Okay.'
'Have you met him yet?'
'No.'
'He's bald.'
'Uh...'
'Well it's fine. What kind of music do you like Duncan?'
'I.. I like gospel music.'
He stared at me for a second. 'You're religious?'
'…..Yes.'
'Okay.' He started picking at his food. 'Well I like music where people scream. There's some gospel like that, so maybe we'll have something in common some day.'
I nodded. Whatever that day was, I was already looking forward.
'Yeah.' I mumbled.
'You know what Duncan?' He laughed. 'You do not smile enough.'
'Uh..'
'Not your fault. It's okay. I'll teach you to some time.'
'Okay.'
'Tell me about yourself.' He dropped his fork and stared at me in attention.
It was funny that after all that begging wishing and praying for his attention I was suddenly at a junction where the amount of it made me feel uncomfortable. I squirmed in my seat.
'My parents are divorced so I live with my mum.' I stuttered.
'What's she like?'
'She's nice.' Was all I could think of.
'What's your dad like?'
'Uh..' I was stumped. 'He... He's kind of serious.' He seemed to sense the depth beneath my uncertainty and frowned.
'Do you like him?'
'A little.' I lied. The truth was either 'very little' or 'not at all.'
'I know how you feel. Kind of anyway. I mean, I don't hate my dad, I just don't like him, you know? Well I sort of live with my him. But not really. He's an artist. So he's kind of never around. He doesn't tell me when he leaves, so I'm usually alone.' He said it with such a light air, it seemed to not weigh on his mind at all.
'Oh.'
'I mean, I like being alone and shit. Even when he's around he's not really home, so he doesn't tell me what to do. I just think he's a bit selfish. He's never been around. Always thought he came first. I had to get a job when I was a kid so I could fucking buy food. But I got a pretty good one. I said I was fourteen and they believed me cause I was tall for my age. I've been like this since I was ten you know. No one pushed me around in grade school, six foot five ten year old make you shit bricks, I'll tell you that.... You gonna blink princess? You look like a deer in headlights.'
I could feel my face going red once I realised he was talking to me.
'I uh..'
'Yeah, I thought so. You need a vocabulary book Dunkie, how're you gonna succeed in life going uh and okay all the time. How're you gonna get a job?' He made a Texan accent at least an octave higher as he pretended to reprimand me.
'Uhm....' But I could utter nothing.
'Oh, Are you shy Dunkie. That's okay. You'll grow out of it.' This time he sounded like a Pre-school teacher.

I was so fascinated, so completely taken by this magic he wove and spun through his words, that I hadn't noticed George materialising behind him.

'L,' Spoke a gruff, baritone voice, so utterly rich and consuming as to be an aphrodisiac. I looked up. Leis was right about two things. George was huge alright, and he was certainly very bald. But he'd failed to neglect how his muscles rippled delicately across his skin beneath his deep coffee veneer, his glossy almond shaped deep mahogany eyes. And his wide full lips.

I had often and repeatedly caught myself with lust foaming up the sides of my brain whenever Lief was in my line of sight, spontaneously aroused for seemingly no reason whatsoever. But never had lust bubbled through my conscious mind for a complete stranger. My body tingled.

'Where the fuck were you?' George presented this question without a slither of anger in his voice.
'I fell asleep. Sorry.'
'Not cool. I had to fucking sit there with all those motherfuckers swarming around my ass like a goddamn piece of meat. Do you know how may times I had to tell those little shits that I do not do sports. I don't care if I have the coordination of a ballerina and the muscle mass of a fucking wrestler I do not do any kind of fucking sports related shit. I just fucking hate it. But I'm triying to be polite, but it's like talking to a brick wall. Then the coach came in and starts getting all up in my face sayin he's gonna ask my fucking parents. I'd like to see him fucking try.'

'Sounds like you handled it to me.'Leis grinned.

'Fuck you,' George grumbled. 'Your skinny ass was all M.I.A cause you were in here catchin Z's. Not cool.'

'I was tired.' Leis pouted.

'Don't look at me like that.' George crossed his shoulders. 'If you were there we could have been talking and no one would've come up to me.'
'L is sorry,' Leis whined amicably.
George only shook his head. 'I can't come tomorrow. I just can't fucking do it. You wanna catch a movie?'
'Will it be violent?'
'Probably.'
'You paying?'
'When have I ever not. Fucking sponge.'
'Yeah. Okay I'm in. How bout you Sandy?'
Up until this point I'd forgotten myself in their conversation. I was enthralled. I scrambled for an answer.
'Uh, okay. Sure.'
'Cool. Hey, I don't actually know anything about you Sandy. Like where you live for example. George and me will go home with you today. So we'll know where to pick you up.'
'Okay,' I stuttered flabbergasted.
'Is Hammy coming?'
'Hammy? I don't know. I don't know about that guy. He's fucked, so probably not.'
'Is he coming in for lunch with us?'
'Maybe. I don't know. Probably in class, memorising the periodic table or something.'
Leis laughed. 'Sounds like him. You guys found a place?'
'Still looking. There's a nice little place we've been around lately. Nice and clean. No fucking visitors. But, you know, it's not permanent. '
'You should stay at my place.'
'Fuck. Me and Hammy and you. You're a funny guy L. Real funny.'
'Fuck you. I'll get you to stay at my place if it kills me.'
'Ill be at your funeral then.'

And the lunch bell rang. Hammy never joined us. But I did walk out with George and Leis. When I moved to separate myself Leis insisted I remain attached. So I hung around with them for about thirty minutes until we all wound up at the school parking lot. It was abandoned, given that it was still the middle of the day. I was too concerned about staying near Leis to consider the fact that I had classes I was missing. I was too caught up in this. Too furiously enamoured to seriously consider anything else. And I didn't mind just standing there listening to Leis and George go on about this and that and everything in between, even though most of it flew over my head.

After milling around the parking lot for a while we were joined by a group of kids who showed up through the back entrance. I recognised one of them as Krazinski and the rest as bullies, jocks and their girlfriends. Compared to the three of us, the crowd was formidable.

'Hey!' Someone shouted at us. 'It's the faggot and his boyfriends.'

It was sadly obvious that if this kid was alone he would have avoided the three of us like the plague. There was no way any of them would have dared if they were alone with George in the middle of us. Compared to them he was a fucking centurion.

'Come over here and say that bitch!' Leis shouted. The good humor gone completely from his voice, I could see him shaking with anger. It unnerved me a little.

'Sure you're not gonna try and kiss me?' Came the reply. The crowd laughed.

Leis seemed to calm a little, he laughed to himself. 'Sure that's not what you want.'
'Sayin' I'm like you cocksucker?'

Leis laughed, out loud and enthusiatically. 'What? No. You? Fuck it. I never said you're smart and hot did I? Cause you know, dumb and ugly is NOTHING like me. You're my fucking opposite dipshit.'

The shouter untangled himself from the crowd and growled at Leis. 'Say that again?' he provoked.

'Oh. You'd like that wouldn't you.' Leis laughed cheefully. 'No. I wont. Fuckin make me Forehead.'

'What did you call me!' Forehead advanced.

'I can't remember.' Leis sighed theatrically, feigning dissapointment.

Forehead advanced, and jabbed Leis in the chest. 'Listen you fucking queer--'

'Woah there,' George interjected, placing a large hand on Forehead's shoulder. 'Lets be amicable about this, hey bud?'

Forehead stared up at George and where I'd been expecting atleast a hint of fear I saw, instead, angry resistance.

'Get your fucking hands off me queer,' he growled and took a step backwards. George and Forehead stared at each other, and the rising tension reflected in the growing speed of my frantic heart.

'Why don't you go back to your friends.' Leis said, he sounded frustrated. 'You're not doing anything here?'

Forehead was about to reply when the back door swung open and Kaulitz, the German teacher, stepped through.

'What in God's name are all of you doing here?' he shouted, placing his hands on his shoulders.

The crowd panicked and Forehead returned to them, trying to come up with an excuse.

'Well?'he raised an eyebrow.
'Well,' A girl spoke up. 'I heard those three were skipping class so my frieds and I were sent to find them.'
'All two dozen of you?'
'Uh,' the girl fumbled. 'I just--'
'Stop wasting my time and get back in class.' he ordered with such finality that I was moved too from where I stood to join the tail end of the crowd. Behind me Leis and Georg didn't move a muscle.
'And you too?' I heard Kaulitz asked.
'We'll hang out here for a while,' I heard Leis say. Then Kaulitz stepped out and shut the door behind him.

I was ashamed of myself for not being brave enough to stay with them. I realised this meant I was not going to the movies with them because I probably wouldn't see Leis again that day.